- [Chris] So we'll get five suggestions, five random topics,
and then I will freestyle wrap about those five
random topics.
If you are sat in this area here,
what would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] A Pogo Stick!
- A Pogo stick. Thank you very much,
are you a keen Pogo enthusiast?
- Used to be. - used to be?
Yeah, no. It's a thing you grow out of.
Isn't it, really?
Matt, are you at your age shown up
to a park with a Pogo stick?
Everyone leaves.
Everyone goes, "Pogo stick? a Pogo stick."
What would you guys like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] Professional Baseball Player.
- Professional baseball player, thank you very much.
What, what do you have against amateur baseball players?
- Can't talk about it.
- We can't talk about it.
You in like baseball witness protection, what is it?
Okay, cool. The professional baseball player.
Middle of the room, see what she's done there?
She's trying to trick me cuz she thinks
I don't know anything about baseball
and she is correct.
Baseball is like (Chris mumbles)
noisy cricket.
I think, people in the middle of the room.
What would you like a wrap about a
- [Audience Member] Fit bird?
- A fit bird.
So that's British, see Americans are confused.
- [Audience Member] Hot chick!
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ah, there we go!
Yeah, there we go.
In English slang, it means an attractive lady.
Isn't that quite funny that in our slang
a fit bird is equal to a hot chick.
It's both avian.
That's weird, in' it?
It in Australia, they call it a slutty sparrow
and real weird
a fucking calmly Kiwi, that's a flightless bird.
Pogo stick, professional baseball player, a fit bird.
People in this triangular edge here,
what you wanna rap about?
(Audience chatters)
there was so many,
what was that one?
- [Audience Member] Amish people
- Amish people, and what was the other one?
- [Audience Member] Jello.
- Jello, cool. Amish people and jello.
Its gonna be great, it's gonna blow their minds
and then people over here,
what chu like to rap about? Final one.
- [Audience Member] Mushrooms.
- Mushrooms, oh. As in as indeed the psychedelic things?
- Yeah. (Audience laughs)
- Sounds like you weren't aware until now.
Okay. Cool. Someone who doesn't know
that mushrooms have psychotropic effect.
Cool. This is, this is what we've got.
We've got those suggestions, right?
I have to find the little cable.
Here. Ah, look at you!
Thank you very much, what are civic duty
you just did there.
Just an older mature man just being like
there for the rap that you are going to do
that I will definitely despise.
So the topics, to remind you,
we got a Pogo Stick, professional baseball player,
a fit bird, Amish people, and jello,
and mushrooms. Oh my God.
What? You can trip on mushrooms.
I didn't know that, that's what we are gonna do.
Let's drop this beat, let's have some fun.
It won't be whole harm me.
Oh my we're gonna talk about the little fungi.
Get high in the kitchen.
There'd be nothing that I love Les over there working
out of fungus, chef, I'll be chopping them up.
I got my Portobello usually day to day.
Life really mellow.
Some type of fellow who gets my button.
I chop 'em up there, but wait, I've forgotten.
I was steeping some in the corner.
You can see tiny little pot.
I'll be brewing the tea.
And then I take it on a camping trip with me.
I go mushroom soup.
Ooh, Yippee.
I'm gonna take a tiny little cup, knock it back
share it with my friends.
Then I feel an anxiety attack.
I'm like shit, what is this?
I feel like time and space is basically ripped
to my friend, says, yo, you're on a trip.
It's fucking cool.
Just kick back.
Let it rip.
I never realize why does it do this to me?
I call my doctor, ah, anxiety.
And my doctor's like, what the are you so confused?
Like a five year old.
Who's never even used a mushroom.
Throw up, make yourself sick.
Like an emetic jumping on a Pogo stick.
That's the trick, I'm bouncing there, up and down.
Maybe use this little mind thing that I found.
Oh yay.
Oh, it's the fun thing in the playground.
Like a stick
with the spring in the tiny little place where
you rest your feet when it comes to fun sticks.
Yeah, it can't be beat Pogo, yo-yo,
it's a much worse toy.
Baseball, fuck it.
I'm ever so annoyed,
and if you are employed, the lady likes you
but if you make no cash, she won't invite you to a picnic.
She's like get a big stick.
Hit the ball when it comes swerving quick.
If you're not Mickey mantle or babe Ruth,
your fucking shit, get out of here.
That's the honest truth.
She wouldn't tell me why
that she prefers professional base ballers.
Turn the amateurs probably cuz you want to suck their dick,
I don't know.
are you a fit bird or a hot chick?
who can even tell shadows on the face
when you're a baseball or you're stealing first base
or even second?
Is that the phrase that they used a fit bird?
Oh yeah, lot to do, you walking over there,
lovely little titties coming over there,
in London city.
I'm a cock, you can suck my balls
if be ever so lovely as they jiggle;
I wash them recently, so they're not smelly.
They move a little bit like the motion of jelly.
It's charmless to rap about this but harmless.
I'm off there, Pennsylvania, see some Amish.
They walk to me and say,
"Chris, now, you said the jelly would make us go 'wow;'
but technically is made with gelatin
from a cow and we raise these bovine animals now,
and so, jello in the Amish community
they eat weekly yet consume with impunity.
(Audience laughs, cheers and claps, music fades)