Welcome to Spotlight.
I’m Anne Muir.
And I’m Adam Navis.
Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting.
It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
Children love to hear fairy tale stories.
There are fairy tales about magic, travel, and even animals that talk.
Each of these stories has a hero.
The hero is usually a boy or a girl.
But in many of these stories, the hero’s mother has died.
Then, another woman enters their lives.
She marries the hero’s father and becomes the step-mother.
But she is not a good step-mother.
She is an evil step-mother.
There is truth to all these old fairy tale stories.
There is something bad about step-mothers.
Having a step-mother means that something bad has happened to the first mother.
It makes sense that a child would see a step-mother as a bad thing.
It makes sense that they would like these kinds of stories.
But what is the truth?
Are step-mothers really evil?
Are step-families less loving than other families?
Today’s Spotlight is on forming families through step-families.
Leslie Jamison became a step-mother.
And she knew about all the step-mother fairy tales.
She wrote for The New York Times about how these stories let children act out their dreams
and fears.
She described her experience as something different.
“My relationship with my new daughter was not like the stories.
It was not like the story of popular media: that the child hates her stepmother and loves
her true mother.
Our story was a thousand talks on the train or at the playground.
Our story was painting her fingernails.
Our story was telling her to take deep breaths when she was angry.
Our story began one night when I felt her small, hot hand reach for mine during her
favourite film.
That first night, when we sang songs at bedtime, she moved over and touched the bed.
It was the same bed where her mother rested during the years of her sickness.
“You lie here,” Lily told me.
“You lie in Mommy’s place.””
Like Jamison, many step-mothers are full of love and care for their step-children.
It does not matter that these children started with a different mother.
Step-mothers can care a lot.
And it is not just mothers.
Step-fathers work hard too.
Edward Pratt became a step-father when he married his wife.
His step-daughter’s first father was still a big part of her life.
And things became even more complex.
Edward and his new wife had a child of their own.
It was sometimes difficult for Edward to know how to act.
He wanted his step-daughter to have a good relationship with her father.
But he also did not want to be seen as something less than a father to her.
It was hard to do.
But when his step-daughter grew up and finished college.
He wrote that,
“I was sitting there and so was her birth father.
We talked and were as happy for my daughter as any two men could be.
That was a great day.
I am very lucky because my daughter and I have a great relationship.
She calls me ‘father’ to her friends.
And she loves her other father.
Sometimes she will say that she has two great fathers.”
But not all stories have a happy ending like this.
Being a step-family takes a lot of work.
One common problem is that the child does not listen to the step-parent.
The child does not see that parent as someone they must obey.
This is especially true when the children are teenagers.
Linda Carroll wrote for NBC News that,
“Child development experts say that teenagers often do behave worse for a step-father than
for a birth father.
If children sense that their mother is not going to give total support to the step-father,
the child is more likely to resist.”
Voice 1
All parents and children have fights.
As children grow up, they want control over their own lives.
This is not just in step-families.
But sometimes, step-families are not safe places.
People who re-marry too quickly may not know enough about the new person.
In the country of Namibia, there are many different family structures.
Only 25 percent of children live with both their parents.
A 2013 study found that many people had very good relationships as step-families.
However, it also said that:
“People in every part of Namibia thought stepchildren had a higher risk for experiencing
physical, emotional, economic and sexual abuse.
In particular, sexual abuse of step-daughters by step-fathers was seen as a big problem
in the country.”
Laws can help protect children from bad step-parents.
But it is important for a parent who is marrying again to think about how the marriage will
affect his or her children.
All families have problems.
But every family has to work on things together.
And there are some good things about being in a step-family.
Step families know that they need to talk a lot, spend lots of time together, and be
patient when things get difficult.
Many studies have shown that healthy family life depends more on how the parents treat
each other than the fact that they are a step-family.
This can be difficult because most divorces are not easy.
People can feel angry towards each other.
This can make it hard to continue to work together to raise children.
Virginia Rutter wrote for Psychology Today that,
“It is all about respect.
Both parents must require children and step-parents to treat each other with respect.
Only then can connection between them develop.
First and second parents must also give one another respect.
For their part, the children also need each of the parents to talk to the other parent
with respect.”
If someone is part of a step-family, they will need to work hard on their relationships.
They should not think that things will be easy.
But it does not mean that things cannot be good.
And while evil-stepmothers may still appear in films and stories, most step-parents are
trying hard to care for children they love.
What about you?
Are you part of a step-family?
Has it been good or bad for you?
Tell us about your experiences.
You can leave a comment on our website.
Or email us at radio@radioenglish.net.
You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio.
The writer of this program was Adam Navis.
The producer was Michio Ozaki.
The voices you heard were from the United States and the United Kingdom.
All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight.
You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net.
This program is called, ‘Forming A Family: Step-Families’.
Look for our listening app in the Google Play Store and in iTunes.
We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program.
Goodbye.