- In this video, I'm gonna show you
how to never be needy again.
I'm gonna share with you
what I have a coach that I pay quite a bit of money,
1,500 bucks a month, Shadow Integration Coach.
I'm gonna share with you what I have learned
from him that has completely transformed my life.
Over the last six months,
I've had people tell me that they watch my old videos
and they hardly recognize me from who I was to who I am now.
And I'm gonna share with you what that transformation is,
what the practice is, the exercise you can do is
that will completely transform your entire life
if you do it for a period of time.
Welcome back to another video.
My name is Aaron
and I help people expand their consciousness.
Now in this video, I'm gonna be showing you
how to never be needy again
and how to ditch codependent behaviors.
If you are somebody that feels like maybe
you are craving validation
or like you fall into other people's frame,
I have an analogy for you that I'm gonna explain to you
in a second that I think will clear a lot of this up.
But realize that it is rooted and it comes from a point
in your past when you were a kid where you craved
and you needed something maybe that need wasn't met.
And what happens is now you are going
and looking for it on the outside somewhere
not knowing that what you need is already on the inside.
Now, what happens is when people become needy,
they are craving something from the outside
and the challenge with that is that then
because they are needy,
they are normally repelling of their people.
So if you are needy in love,
you'll find that you might really like someone
then really hope they text you back
and then really hope things go a certain way.
They'll feel that neediness off of you
and a lot of times it then repels them.
Now, what this really is
is being needy and being codependent,
is being attached, you are attached
to something on the outside
and to a belief that says that
unless I have this thing on the outside,
then I'm not complete already.
So it is rooted in a fundamental belief that says,
I need something out there to feel a certain way.
And here, I'm gonna share with you my story
through this process as well
and how it completely transformed.
But first let's realize
that it comes from that of a childhood experience.
Now let's imagine like this.
When we're kids, we're dependent,
we're dependent on our parents.
Now what happens is many times let's say this is you,
this is mom, this is dad.
Let's say when you were a kid,
I imagine your mom or your dad came over the crib
and it was like, hah, hey, like that, right?
It's like, oh, all these expressive faces.
Now imagine one day you were there
and your mom or dad came up but there was no on their face.
Imagine that the, oh,
and like all that little baby goggle stuff,
imagine that went away.
And then all of a sudden you start wondering
like I'm not getting attention, I'm not having my needs met.
And then what a lot of times happen is as the baby grows up
it then says, if I different maybe I can get
that love or that approval or that attention.
So a lot of times then that person will seek
based on the belief that there's something wrong with me,
there's a belief that says, there's something wrong with me,
I need something on the outside
in order for me to feel 100% worthy, whole and complete
or in order for me to be enough.
So it's a fundamental belief system
that simply hasn't been challenged since being a kid.
Now, here is the key, what will happen,
and this is what happened with me
because I felt that way.
When I was a kid,
I believe that, what happened eventually
is I had an abusive ex-step-mom in her life,
you guys have heard my story.
From seven to 16 years old.
And she was very manipulative, abusive, controlling.
Now imagine that from seven to 15,
I in a way was in someone else's frame.
So I had somebody else that had a strong frame
and then I was in that frame
and in order for me to be worthy,
I had to do all these things right.
I was always in trouble for stuff,
my dad divorced her when I was 15 years old.
All of a sudden I had all this freedom again,
we connected with our real mom which is awesome
'cause we were brainwashed not being allowed
to be around her
'cause we got punished anytime we came back.
But once my dad divorced her all of a sudden
there was a part of me that did not feel safe
in my own frame.
This would feel scary to me to be in my own frame.
So what I would find myself doing is finding
other people that I could go around
that I could then be in their frame with.
So imagine it like this and I would go,
oh, this is more safe and then I would feel needy
like I needed to be in other people's frame.
I needed to be other people's carton.
And then that was where I started realizing
or feeling like I wasn't all right in my own cartoons.
So I wasn't in my own frame.
Now for a long time, I dealt with this kind of energy.
And I realized since recently
that doing the inner child work
and basically going and healing my own inner child
and giving myself the validation and the approval
that I craved growing up by doing that
I have completely transformed my own life.
Now, even just as according to a couple months ago
what has happened is I've realized that a lot
of what happens with a lot of spiritual people
especially is they go through a spiritual awakening
in this spiritual awakening,
what happens is they become aware
of all these intuitive things.
But a lot of times what happens is there's an almost escape
from the bottom three shock rows.
Imagine that the bottom three shock rows represent more
of our grounded-ness inside of our body.
Imagine they represent survival,
they represent relationships, willpower
'cause that's what the first three shockers mean.
What happens is a lot of people
that went through trauma growing up
they then are mainly in their top three shock rows.
They are super intuitive, they can tune into everybody.
And the challenge with this is
when you feel needy and codependent
it's because you're super sensitive to other people.
The reason you're super sensitive to other people
is because this feels way more safe being in a carton
with other people because it's what you're used to
and you may be seeking the validation
and approval of other people and that may feel safe
to you or even other people controlling you.
This is still scary to you to be in your own carton.
Now to be in your own cartoon,
this is the life changing stuff
that I wanna share with you in this video
that I've been doing.
It is basically what it is is there is a lack of self.
When you feel needy or codependent what is happening
is you are projecting your energy
towards other people, thinking you need their approval
or their validation or support.
And instead of giving yourself that support
you give it away.
And then you you start having an identity
that the more I give, the more I am worthy.
Instead of feeling safe inside of your own self,
a lot of times codependent and needy people,
they're afraid of abandonment
because they may have felt emotionally abandoned growing up
or they may have had a parent actually physically
abandoned them but because they have that kind of mentality
and they're afraid of being abandoned,
what happens is they then abandon themselves.
Let me say that again,
they abandon themselves at the expense
of trying to make everybody else happy,
of trying to because then
if they can make other people happy
then they will get that love, validation and support.
So the key to this video
and I'm gonna share with you that meditation practice now
that has completely transformed my life.
It is simply this.
So we put this down right here.
I'm kind of glowing like an avatar
so maybe I'll go over here.
Here's the meditation practice
that I'm gonna be sharing with you
that will heal help you not be needy,
not be codependent ever again.
And it's a simple practice that if you do consistently
I promise you, it will transform your life.
I've given this to some other people.
There's a guy that comes to my house that works on my house.
He's like a handyman and he's a traditional nice guy.
Reminds me a lot of my dad and a nice guy by the way.
Normally his codependent, is needy and it's not authentic.
Really, it's a way of letting me be nice
and ease tension so that I can get what I need.
And I've found that he, I can tell is just so tired
of giving himself up to everybody.
He even has like situations
with his ex wife where he still has feelings for her
but it's like, it's just super interesting for me
to see because I can tell that he's dealing
with this pattern and I gave him the same spiel
and I can tell it's completely changed his life.
So here's what you do.
Now what there is is there's a lack of self,
there's a lack of comfort
from being inside of your own body.
And there is really almost a confusion as to who you are
and to who of everyone else is, the boundary has been lost.
And then it's been seeked for
and it's like if I can get the approval
of this woman or this guy or whatever it is,
then I'll feel worthy, wholly and complete.
Or if I can be in someone else's frame that just feels safe.
So the key to not being codependent
and needy is detachment, it's detachment.
It is realizing there's an attachment to the outside.
It's like I'm looking at this candle flame right now
and I'm like, I am the flame.
I need to be like the flame.
I am the flame, there is no difference
between me and this flame.
I am all one consciousness.
Now I know with spirituality,
we all want to be connected, we are all connected.
That is true.
But at the same time what happens
is when we're so spiritual and we're so all connected,
a lot of times we forget who we are
as an individual, as the self.
And that's where impacts people pleasers, nice guys,
codependence and needy people that's their fault.
What I mean by fault is they don't realize
that there is a separation there
and that's why they feel like it's hard for them
to set boundaries and they always get moved
in different ways.
So the key to this is realizing that in this practice
I have a Shadow Work Integration coach
that I literally pay 1,500 bucks a month.
And we do like, I'm just saying that 'cause like the value,
the information I'm giving you is valuable, it really works.
And I just, I really encourage you to try this.
So this is what you do.
It's a practice called Zazen,
Zazen it's that everything is there's duality in the world
and becoming aware of almost the paradox of life.
So there's subject and object.
Okay, object, subject.
Now what happens is when you are an empath
or a people-pleaser or a needy codependent person,
you forget the separation.
You think that's me, somebody needs something from me.
I need to look for it over there
or I need to get your validation
of this candidate right.
Now basically what has happened is subject object,
everything either subject or object,
there's either self or other.
Now what happens is yes, we're all connected,
we're all one consciousness but you don't need to hear that.
Who needs to hear that right now are narcissists
because narcissists are like me, me, me, me, me, me.
You right now as codependent or needer
you are like, you, you, you, you, you, you.
So what you do is you do a simple meditation
what you do is on the in breath,
you breathe in
as you do you feel the energy inside of your body
and what do you you do is you stare very intently
at the flame.
And as you do, you feel the separation
between you and the flame, between you and the candle.
You feel the separation, not the connection,
not the unity oneness stuff.
You feel the separation.
And what you do is as you feel the separation
on the in breath you put the awareness in your body,
you feel that separation.
On the out-breath, you can then kind of relax
your peripheral, you can like relax
and kind of like let your gay stuff in a little bit.
Now, what this does is this is a way
of integrating your energy.
And what you wanna do is be more inside of your body.
You wanna feel the self.
You want to feel the barrier between you and the flame,
between you and the walls, between you and other people.
You can even bring different people to mind,
think of your mom, your dad
and then as you do this meditation with them
you're separating your energy
so that you're not taking on their patterns.
Do this with a girlfriend or boyfriend
and realize that the more you're
in your own individual frame,
a lot of times the more attractive you are,
the more here's the thing too,
being in your frame and being in your body
are the same thing.
If you wanna be more of a leader
bring the energy more inside of your body
that's what I've been doing in my business.
I have taken a completely new perspective,
a new energy I'm growing my team,
I'm expanding, I'm growing this app.
I'm doing so many things right now
that I wasn't doing before
because I wasn't really in my body before.
I felt like a whim of of to other people
and even in relationships.
I'd be dating someone I would like give myself up so much
to them instead of making myself happy.
That's what the codependent, the needy person has forgotten.
They've abandoned themselves.
Start valuing authenticity and being safe
in your body over that of giving to other people
and getting validation from other people.
You start thinking about that too that will help
but the simple meditation practices on in breath
focusing very intently on the flame,
feeling the separation between you and the flame,
feeling inside your own body on the out-breath relaxing
that and kind of feeling at one with everything.
And as you do this for five minutes a day,
it will begin to profoundly change your life.
You will begin even when I'm going out to the grocery store,
I can feel the separation between me and other people.
Usually I would try to like say hi to people,
please people like it goes beyond just being a nice person
because it's almost like you're trying
to like gain validation.
Now, what I do is I'm in my own body and I'm just myself.
What is authentic in this moment?
Feeling the separation between me and other people
actually makes people more attracted to my energy.
It is the craziest thing but when you're
in your own frame and that's where the energy is
it changes absolutely everything.
So if you want to see another video like this
or want me to elaborate more or to make them meditation
on this exact thing that you could just easily listen to,
like this video and hit the comment section and let me know.
And if you do, I shall focus on something like that.
That's something you guys are interested in.
So with that being said, subscribe to the channel
and if you haven't already,
I'll be making more videos on this,
more videos just in general on using metaphors
and stuff like that, hope it helps.
Other than that, I'll talk to you on the next video.
Peace, much love and namaste.