In episode about cars
Don't road rage quit just yet,
This episode may save your life -
provided you find yourself in a post-apocalyptic desert wasteland.
Hey! Ya never know!
*GT theme*
Hello Internet, welcome to Game Theory.
The show that would like to start today's episode off with a little thing I'd like you to consider. The world could end at any moment *Music* #MotivationMonday this is not
But when that happens, us theorists aren't going down without a fight.
No sir, in the doggy-dog post-apocalyptic Earth, it's survival of the fittest.
And that means: survival of the smartest.
With today's episode dedicated to making sure all you loyal theorists are the ones who
outwit, outplay, and outlast.
And can then repopulate the world with little mini theorist babies.
Hey, I'm just looking out for you guys. Feel free to thank me in advance.
Who needs that dating sim video you've been waiting so long for when the only pick-up line you'll need is:
"Hey baby, we're the last 2 people on Earth. Don't find me so repulsive now, do you?
Which brings us to the world of Mad Max,
a desert wasteland where water is scarce, fuel is scarcer,
and you're only as good as the size of the flamethrowers on the side of your war machine.
If Mad Max is the vision of the future,
Cars. Are. Everything.
They're a status symbol, a way to cross the vast oceans of sand,
AND your primary offensive and defensive weapon.
It's your best friend, your closest ally.
You know how some games have a dog?
Well this one has a car.
And there's a dog too, but the car is truly the bigger deal.
And the game seems to reflect this fact in the HUGE number of ways it can be customized,
as you collect more scrap from the world around you.
The car you drive around is a reflection of you,
your personality, and since this is a game, your play style.
That's probably why the car in the game is called the Magnum Opus.
It's your personal masterpiece.
Mad Max is truly an RPG with cars.
One might call it: a CAR-P-G.
Which means if we're gonna survive and get to repopulate the world in our likeness,
we need to figure out how to create the best vehicle for surviving
an end-of-the-world scenario like this.
And who knows? If by some odd chance the world DOESN'T end,
then maybe this video will help you to not get ripped off at the mechanics the next time you take in your car.
Sooo, there's that benefit too.
But, before we start souping up our Magnum Opus -
not THAT type of souping! Man, we really have a lot to learn...
We need to understand the world that we're dealing with.
Using Mad Max as the example, there are three core challenges this world presents us with:
driving in a sandy environment,
limited amounts of fuel, and having to
defend against other drivers, the War Boys.
And let me emphasize the "War" part of their name.
These guys are ferocious,
doing everything from ramming into you at full force,
to hopping on your car and taking you out from the hood.
Or even jumping at you while armed with explosives,
like mini kamikaze strikes.
Lucky for us the game allows us to customize eighteen different parts of our car,
from normal things like tires and suspension
to weird, post-apocalypty things like side burners and, uh,
... thunderpoons.
Now don't you confuse that with harpoons, those are
two obviously different categories there, friends.
Harpoon and... Thunderpoon.
Poon-Tang... now what does that even mean?
So, where do we start? Well,
knowing that the War Boys are such a big threat in the wasteland,
we'll wanna trick out the elements of our car that boost our attack and defense.
Right? That means maxing out categories like the ramming grill,
side burners, and aforementioned "thunderpoon" for offense.
*Thundercats* "Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder- pooooon?
And on defense, tricking out our armor, grinding rims, and boarder spikes:
huge chunks of metal that make the car look like a rusted out Sonic the Hedehog, and
um, dissuade, War Boys from hopping aboard.
So, in true Car-PG form,
let's make our car into a TANK.
Maybe maxing out with weapons and armor will be the secret to our wasteland survival.
Let's run a test in the game to see if this is our ideal
pro-level post-apocalyptic strat for living long and prospering.
Forget tank, we just made our car into a sitting DUCK *toy duck squeak*
That was like O.J. Simpson car chase levels of slow *honk honk*
We couldn't keep up with enemies, we couldn't outrun them,
and because we were so heavy we could barely maneuver in the sand or in the hills...
And can we talk about speed?
I've seen senior citizens drive faster on their way to Sizzler.
And on top of it all, we're burning through gallons of gasoline just to-
*error/alarm noise thing* Wait, it's not gasoline, it's "Guzzoline"?
That's just- why?! Why is it when civilization ends,
so do ALL the normal words we use to call things?!
Okay, we may have lost our homes, but we haven't lost our GRAMMAR PEOPLE
*sighs*
Long story short, in protecting ourselves against the War Boys,
we forgot the two other challenges of the wasteland:
sandy, low-fuel driving,
and, since talking about fuel efficiency seems boring right now, let's start with sand.
Driving in sand is all about a tire's tread and surface area.
Narrow tires sink deep in the sand,
creating a small ridge in front of the tire that they constantly push forward as the car drives.
This produces a TON of extra resistance,
meaning that the car needs more torque to keep moving.
But it can't get that torque, with
loose sand under the vehicle, the tires aren't able to grip and push forward,
instead, digging themselves deeper into a hole.
That's why when you're driving on sand,
it's recommended that you have wider, or even slightly deflated, tires.
The increased surface area allows the weight of the vehicle to be distributed across the top of the sand.
Rather than cutting down into it-
You know what else tire noobs might overlook?
The tread of the tire.
Those fancy patterns in the rubber actually have a purpose!
Shocking, I know!
I just used to buy tires off what the mid-range price was.
'Cause you know, you don't wanna go too cheap, you're driving on it after all, but
seriously, I ain't paying that much for a tire.
Who do you think I am, presidential candidate Donald Trump?
"Topical humooor"
Anyway, just to give you an example,
tires optimized for driving in mud have an inside to outside angled tread,
with wide voids between the raised sections.
The idea is that this creates self-cleaning tires.
Mud is forced from the center and pushed out to the sides,
not getting stuck in the middle of the tire.
Sand tires are incredibly unique,
with a weird paddle-shaped tread.
This allows the tire to grab as much sand as it can,
and use it to push, giving the vehicle forward momentum.
It's kinda like how you use your cupped hands when you swim:
the car is literally swimming through the sand.
And get this: Mad Max NAILS it.
Look at their tires customization menu:
tires with wider treads that don't allow gripping on sand are discouraged,
while the ridged, scooping tires give you a sand maneuverability bonus.
So, when creating our ideal post-apocalyptic vehicle,
you can BET we're gonna want to strap those things onto our Magnum Opus.
So that helps with the sand component, but what about fuel efficiency?
Well, the easiest way to improve that is to LOSE weight off your vehicle.
Between the 1970s and early 2000s,
the average weight of vehicles in the US
climbed steadily with the typical car weighing just over two tons.
Not "tonnes", n-n-e-s, just to clarify for you metric-users,
rather four thousand pounds, or eighteen hundred kilograms.
Reason being? International oil embargoes were no longer an issue.
But now, with fuel costs climbing and eco-friendliness a top priority,
vehicles are actually LOSING weight.
It's like Atkins for the Aztec.
According to the Environmental Protection Agency, or EPA,
for every hundred pounds taken off a vehicle,
fuel economy is increased by nearly 2%!
If you live in California where gas is $3.50 a gallon-
wait, are you kidding me it's $4.45 now?!
I am literally, literally pausing the audio right now.
$4.45 a gallon, I swear, California you are miserable sometimes.
Alright, just REDID the calculation:
if you live in CALIFORNIA where gas is
... *clenches teeth* $4.45 a gallon,
that translates to nearly 10 cents per gallon.
But, looking on the bright side, I guess the situation could be worse.
I could, say for instance, live in a desert hellscape,
where evil warlords will kill me on sight if I'm unable to drive away.
Then, the cost of an empty tank will be... slightly higher.
So, let's strip of our armor,
and build our light, rogue-like Car-PG character to see how he survives.
*sounds of failure*
Uhhhhh... okay then.
We may have over-corrected a bit.
The problem here was that being light-maneuverable is great,
if your primary method of attack doesn't require driving your vehicle head-on into a crash, like a test dummy.
As Mad Max shows, in a post-apocalyptic world,
we have to be prepared to fight,
not just run away all the time.
And unlike the game, where we can easily customize the car to beat the mission,
in real life, we're assuming we get ONE car,
which means there needs to be some level of balance in our war machine.
As such, the best class, seems to be, the middle-class.
We are the 99%!
So, let's add some armor and weapons back on, but balance out the weight by talking suspension.
Basically, a car's suspension is the system of springs and shock absorbers
that connect a car to its wheels.
The job of the suspension is to make sure the tires stay connected to the road surface,
in order to provide good handling and stability,
while also minimizing the amount of jolts the passengers feels from bumps in the road.
Which, when you think about it,
is actually a really tough job.
On one hand, suspension needs to provide a force down into the ground
to keep the tires driving, but on
the other, there's the upward force necessary to hold up the main body of the car,
suspending it so the driver's don't feel every pothole.
By balancing increased armor with upgraded suspension,
we'll sail over the sand, adding pounds to the vehicle
but not sacrificing quite as much maneuverability.
So, to craft our perfect survival machine, we want sand tires with
a nice mid-range amount of armor and weaponry,
and a strong suspension.
But there's one last part we can still optimize that's not nearly as sexy,
but can do a whole lot to aid performance: exhaust.
Mad Max allows customization of your exhaust pipes,
which, at first glance I was like,
"why would this EVER help me survive to repopulate the Earth,
isn't this like, purely cosmetic?"
But open further research, this is actually one element that can greatly increase
your car's performance, in terms of both fuel efficiency, and defense.
Let me explain:
most engines run on what's known as a 4-Stroke Combustion Cycle,
some times known as the Auto Cycle,
after the guy who invented it-
Not the Auto Cycle, the Otto Cycle,
AUTO, AU-TO, O-T-T- agh,
just read the script and fix the visual.
THERE ya go.
The four strokes in the cycle start with the intake stroke,
where the piston and the cylinder goes down and lets in a mixture of air and fuel.
The compression stroke is next, where the piston rises and compresses the air-fuel mixture.
The spark plug ignites the mix, which explodes and pushes the piston back down.
This is called the combustion stroke, number three.
And finally, the exhaust valve opens, the piston moves back up,
and pushes the exhaust out the cyclinder and out of the car's tailpipe,
the aptly-named exhaust stroke.
A more elaborate exhaust system means that the cylinders can get cleared faster:
the faster the cylinders are cleared, the faster the cycle can start again,
and the faster the engine can propel you away from marauders
looking to steal your cans of Dinki-D dog food,
while improving your gas mileage.
That's a lot of importance from just a lame tailpipe.
Mad Max's improved exhaust systems reflect this by increasing your top speed.
An important stat to consider when we're being weighed down by heavy ram bars, and thunderpoons.
So, what's the verdict? Well, in real life we have limitations.
Chances are, we're going to get one car to be all our needs.
As such, if we're trying to survive in a desert wasteland,
a hybrid model is the way to go.
And no, I'm not talking about your eco-friendly Prius hybrid,
I mean a hybrid of power and speed,
a balance of weight and maneuverability.
But that's in real life: in the game, you don't have those limitations.
You can build and hijack cars to your heart's content.
You can easily customize the car to its intended use, the mission you have planned.
And if you make a mistake, and well, DIE,
you can always respawn and try a different build to suit your mission,
a tank for a combat run, a lightweight speed demon for a death race,
or you can just make the pretty pink and blue car, but that's the beauty of games.
Have fun experimenting while it lasts,
'cause when the you-know-what hits the you-know-fan,
you'll have to contend with ol' War Boy MatPat and his thunderpoons.
And CatPat, who is even more ferocious. *threatening meow*
*hiss*
But hey, that's just a theory,
a GAME Theory.
Thanks for watching.
Speaking of Mad Max, it is legitimately the best movie of the year that I've seen.
In fact, if you want to see WHY it's so good
and see how subconsciously it's directing your eyes through its crazy action scenes,
then click post-apocalyptic CatPat to check out the brand new episode of Frame by Frame over on the Film Theorists.
It's a REALLY fascinating episode looking at the cinematography of the film.
Watching the video really made me excited to go back to the movie again and figure out more of its secrets.
Or, if you'd rather hang out here, then subscribe.
It's like car insurance for your YouTube viewing: except instead of a snarky gecko ,you get me!
Which... alright, just go with the gecko.
And finally, a special thank you to WB for letting me get a sneak peek of Mad Max,
and for giving me an excuse to learn more about cars, by sponsoring this video.
I seriously knew next to none of the stuff that I talked about today until I researched it,
which is, quite frankly, very, very sad.
Hey! I'm not a car guy, okay?
And now, if you'll excuse me.
*eerie-ass music*