hi my name is Kaylee Swanson and I used
to be a personality test obsessed I
would take those tests all the time
every single one I could find and it
wasn't just personality test it was
really just online quizzes because I
would take college major quizzes job
quizzes and even which Disney princess
and I which by the way I got Ariel and I
have probably taken all of these quizzes
and I'm sure most of you have taken a
personality test at some point in your
life although you might not be as
obsessed as I was it was my sophomore
year in high school when I started to
question the validity of these tests
because one of my friends sent me a link
to a personality test so I went to the
link answer the questions and got my
results and I didn't like them so I took
the testing and again and again and
again but the crazy thing about the
situation was not that I took the test
five times it was that I got five
different results and I was frustrated
because I felt like this test was
supposed to tell me who I was and
instead it told me that I was five
different people so I texted my friends
and asked him if the same thing had
happened to them and of course they said
no but after that happened I really
started to question how much power I was
giving these tests over my life and who
I was I used to look at these tests as
the ultimate answer I needed to know
which one Direction song best matched my
wardrobe which by the way is a real quiz
you can take online but it wasn't just
these tests that I was giving power to
it was the people around me I would let
people tell me things like my friends
teachers strangers about who I was I was
letting anything and everything
determine who I was and I don't mean
that when someone said that I was too
tall I magically grew two inches or when
someone said I was smart I got smarter
what I mean is when the people around me
started telling me that I was too skinny
I believed them or when people told me
that I was shy and quiet I believe that
too and when people when the personality
test that I was taking told me that I
was introverted I believed all of it
because I didn't have anything else to
base who I was off of I didn't have a
way to measure who I was because I
didn't know who I was underneath all the
labels everyone else was piling on top
of me was a big question mark that is
what I want to talk
about today I think this is a big
problem facing our world we don't know
who we are we don't know how to find our
identity and what makes this problem so
much bigger is the vast majority of
people tests quizzes books and videos
trying to tell us who we are there are
so many opinions out there there's so
much noise and really that's all they
are is opinions or educated guesses
someone could see you and assume you're
shy just because you're having a bad day
and don't want to talk to anyone and
someone else could see you and think
you're really confident just because
you're having a good day and you're
really excited people will always make
assumptions about others it's in our
nature to try and figure things out
whether that comes in the form of a
puzzle or understanding a person which
is much much harder but the way humans
try to understand our figure people out
is ultimately flawed a lot of how we
perceive our label people is based off
of our first impressions of them an
article by elite Daley talks about the
downsides of first impressions first
impressions happen within the first few
seconds of meeting someone not only do
they have been extremely fast they're
primarily based off of our outward
appearance so your first impressions of
someone are very quick and only based
off of your looks this doesn't seem like
the most accurate representation of us
and studies show that first impressions
can be wrong too and you might be
thinking that first impressions aren't
that big of a deal but for most people
subconsciously they are and yes you may
be able to change someone's first
impression of you but it will happen
gradually over time only by that person
comparing their first impression of you
with all the ones that follow so we've
talked about why people and why people
are part of the problem when it comes to
labels and how we define ourselves but
there are other opinions out there too
in the form of personality tests these
might seem better or not as bad to you
but these sources still aren't seeing us
for us they're seeing answers and
algorithms those algorithms might not
work as well as we once thought either
an article by Scientific American talks
about two very popular person
tests the myers-briggs Type Indicator
test and the Big Five personality traits
test the article talks about how
myers-briggs isn't as accurate because
you can get a one result one day and a
different result the next which is what
happened to me except within the span of
a few minutes it goes on to say that the
Big Five personality traits test is more
accurate but still has its flaws because
it's completely based off of self
reflection and can only give you as much
information as you're willing to put in
but these aren't the only tests out
there there are hundreds and thousands
of these tests and quizzes and most of
them aren't bad or intentionally
misleading but most of them are under
research and because of that somewhat
inaccurate all of these false ideas
about ourselves can begin to stick to us
I like to equate them to supermarket
labels or stickers there is this book my
mom used to read to me as a child that
talked about this it's called your
special and it's by Max Lucado the
story's about a young boy who lives in a
town where people put stickers on people
based on whether they like that person
or not people will carry around boxes of
these stickers they'll have a box of
star stickers in a box of dot stickers
and they put star stickers on the people
they like or when they see someone do
something that they like and dot
stickers on the people they don't like
as much or when someone does something
they don't like everyone would put
stickers on the people around them and
the young boy only got dot stickers and
he had so many on him that he didn't
want to leave his house he was so
ashamed he didn't want to interact with
the people around him and I think for
most of us that's what these labels feel
like they feel like stickers placed all
over us that everyone else can see
everyone can look at you and tell you
that's who you are because of your
stickers and that's exactly how I felt
with all these labels placed on me I
felt like ever I went I was the shy
quiet girl sometimes the awkward girl
but always the dot sticker girl even
with all those stickers on I never felt
like that's who I truly was as much as I
wanted to believe the labels and the
personality test results deep down I
didn't feel like that was really me and
just like the young boy in the story
I felt so alone and upset during this
time in my life I didn't want to hang
out with anyone or interact with the
other other people around me I didn't
want to talk to anyone and I didn't want
them to see my stickers because the
person I wanted to be didn't line up
with what the stickers were saying which
is why I started questioning the labels
wondering if the P if maybe people
aren't the best at telling us who we are
and maybe personality test results
aren't even either so what is how do we
find ourselves for me one of the first
steps was getting rid of all these
labels this is the most important part
of the you are special book the young
boy had so many stickers but one day he
met a young girl that didn't have any
stickers on her there wasn't a single
dot or star sticker and it wasn't that
she was peeling them off the second
someone would try to put a sticker on
her it would fall off so why did her
stickers fall off they fell off when she
realized she had value they started to
fall when she knew she was loved and
created with a purpose they fell off
when she knew she had value and really
they came off when that they came off
when she realized that that value didn't
come from the people around her it was
inherently hers
I realized all of this may sound silly
as I'm talking about a children's book
but really this is how a lot of people
see the world we go around placing
labels on others and accepting them and
we're quick to judge others and they're
quick to judge us we are desperately
waiting to get some star stickers or
good labels but the second we get a dot
sticker or a bad label we're so
distraught and the only way to get rid
of these labels is to recognize that our
value does not come from them our value
doesn't come from the opinion or
approval of others when you recognize
that this value was placed on the inside
of you from the beginning that is when
those sticker labels will start falling
off this is how I overcame the problem
of not knowing who I was I recognized
that I had value and no one in the world
could take it away or add to it it was
mine from the start I also want to
emphasize that the solution to this
problem is not finding the right one
no label will ever fit perfectly and
ultimately all labels are just opinions
when all the labels have fallen off and
none can stick anymore that is when you
can see the person underneath all the
labels when you see the person
underneath you realize that the opinion
of others never matter to begin with so
choose to let go of the things other
people have said about you don't hold on
to the words good or bad the second I
was able to do this I found out who I
was and saw my purpose this allowed me
to do things that were only in my
wildest dreams I was only able to start
accomplishing things because I no longer
cared what other people thought of me I
didn't need their approval I was a
unique individual when you see yourself
you can accomplish things you can
complete your purpose however that
doesn't mean that all of a sudden
everyone is supporting you there will
always be bad labels negative opinions
people who don't believe in you everyone
has experienced opposition and there
will always be people that only hand out
dot stickers there have been so many
people in this world that we're told
they weren't the right person for the
job because of the labels others had put
on them but that didn't stop them and it
shouldn't stop you think of all the
incredible people that were told they
weren't good enough well Disney was told
he lacked imagination and Harrison Ford
was told you wasn't a good actor and he
should just quit if these people had
listened to the people around them and
quit listen to the labels they would
never have gone on to accomplish the
great things that they went on to
accomplish if I hadn't looked past the
labels others had put on me I wouldn't
have been able to step in to my purpose
if I had listened to all the people that
said that I was too shy or too quiet I
would never have been able to step up
and start speaking I have been given the
opportunity to be a speaker at different
events and I was given the opportunity
to speak here at TEDx which has been a
dream of mine since I was little but if
I had listened to the people who made me
feel less than look down on me only saw
the worst I would still be sitting at
home don't sit at home alone with all
those labels stuck to you live your life
like you have value like you are loved
like you are a beautiful creation
because you are
you have value and a purpose thank you
[Applause]