>> JAMES: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE
LATE LATE SHOW."
WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU'RE JOINING US.
LET'S SEE WHO OUR GUESTS ARE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, HE'S A GOLDEN
GLOBE-NOMINATED ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "MAD MAX: FURY ROAD," THE
"X-MEN" MOVIES, "THE FAVOURITE," AND SO MUCH MORE, THE DEVILISHLY
HANDSOME, NICHOLAS HOULT.
MY FRIEND, YOUR FRIEND, EVERYONE'S FRIEND, LET'S BE
HONEST.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> RUNNING A LITTLE LATE.
STILL WANTED TO GET A TRIM.
>> James: GET A TRIM!
FREE HAIRCUT, GOT TO DO IT.
>> James: SO THRILLED TO SEE YOU.
NICHOLAS HOULT, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHE'S A HILARIOUS STAND-UP
COMEDIAN AND ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "LIVING WITH YOURSLF" AND
"QUIZ," AND HER ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT HULU SERIES
"THIS WAY UP," THE STUPENDOUS, -- YEAH, AND I DON'T THROW THAT
WORD AROUND -- ( LAUGHTER )
-- AISLING BEA.
>> WHAT A SURPRISE!
THAT'S SO EMBARRASSING!
>> James: OH, WOW, I JUST CAUGHT YOU COMPLETELY OFFGUARD.
>> I WISH I HAD DONE MY MAKEUP.
>>James: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A CAMERA HERE.
>> I'M FRANKLY DEVASTATED AND EMBARRASSED.
>> James: THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU, AISLING IS I DON'T
THINK MOVING HERE CHANGED YOU IN ANY WAY.
>> I'LL TELL THAT TO THE DENTIST WHO COMPLETELY CHANGED MY SMILE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> JAMES: AISLING BEA.
AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, WE HAVE THE BIGGEST POP GROUP IN
THE WORLD, THE GRAMMY NOMINATED, RECORD BREAKING, ONE AND ONLY,
B.T.S.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HOW ARE YOU, BOYS?
IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
IS EVERYBODY WELL?
>> VERY GOOD ( TALKING AT THE SAME TIME )
>> James: OH, MY, LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN DOING EVERYTHING
REMOTELY ON COVID AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE HERE IN THE FLESH, WE
CANNOT STOP THRUSTING.
LOOK AT THIS.
>> JAMES, IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS!
TWO YEARS!
>> James: I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY WE ARE.
WE HAVE LOVED EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU'RE ON THE SHOW, STARTING
FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE HERE TILL NOW.
WE ALL FEEL SO INCREDIBLY PROUD TO HAVE BEEN PART OF YOUR
JOURNEY AND WE'RE THRILLED YOU'RE HERE TONIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO BE CHATTING, THEY'RE GOING TO BE PERFORMING,
WE LOVE YOU EVERY TIME YOU'RE HERE, B.T.S.!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT A SHOW.
NICHOLAS HOULT IS HERE.
AISLING BEA IS HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) B.T.S. ARE HERE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE B.T.S. ARMY ARE HERE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND YOU KNOW WHY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW WHY?
DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE SO EXCITED?
TUNE THAT EXCITEMENT?
BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE'RE ABOUT TO CHECK IN ON NICK BERSTEIN.
>> THAT'S WHAT THE B IN B.T.S.
STANDS FOR.
>> James: BERNSTEIN.
HE'S AT HIS PARENTS HOME IN UPSTATE NEW YORK.
IS HE JOINING US LIVE?
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THIS GUY.
HE'S GOT HIS CHILDREN BRUSHING HIS HAIR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> SORRY.
HI.
HOW YOU DOING?
>> James: WOW.
YOU ON VACATION YET?
>> James: NO, NICK.
ARE YOU EATING MORE LOBSTER?
>> YEAH, THIS IS FROM MAINE, RIGHT?
>> NO.
I DON'T EAT THE ONES THAT AREN'T FROM MAINE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: SO I TELL YOU WHAT I
LOVE ABOUT THIS, I LOVE, FIRSTLY, HOW GREAT IS NICK
BERSTEIN THAT HE'S COMMITTED TO THE BIT IN THAT WAY?
>> Reggie: ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT ( APPLAUSE )
>> James: I REALLY LOVE, PETE, CAN YOU GET A CAMERA ON THE
PROMPTER?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED HERE, NICK?
>> SEVEN YEARS.
>> James: SEVEN YEARS.
GONE FOR ONE SHOW.
SCROLL THE PROMPTER BACK.
HIS NAME IS BERSTEIN AND HE'S NOW BECOME NICK BERSTEIN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Reggie: EVERY SHOW HE MISSES WE'LL DROP ANOTHER LETTER
FROM HIS LAST NAME.
>> James: THAT'S RIGHT, AND NEXT TIME WE'LL TAKE IT OUT TO
HAVE THE FIRST NAME SO IT'S ICK BERSTEIN.
WE LOVE YOU AND THE WHOLE FAMILY!
NICK BERSTEIN, EVERYBODY!
IT'S THAT TIME!
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS!
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪♪ ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> James: WOW.
WOW.
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU TOP THAT.
>> YEAH, I GOT A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE AT THE END.
>> James: I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!
I WAS SO IN IT WITH YOU!
OH!
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO DO THE NEWS NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) IN ALL ACROSS AMERICA, PEOPLE
ARE, LIKE, WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR THE NEWS, LET'S JUST DRIFT OFF
TO SLEEP IN THIS HAPPY BUZZ.
>> UNLESS THE NEWS IS LIKE NICOLAS CAGE ROAD A T REX
THROUGH DOWNTOWN L.A., WE GOT NOTHING.
>> James: WELL, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YA --
( LAUGHTER ) TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN TOOK A
MAJOR STEP TO ADDRESS THE RECENT SPIKE IN FUEL PRICES.
HE DIRECTED THE ENERGY DEPARTMENT TO RELEASE FIFTY
MILLION BARRELS OF OIL FROM THE STRATEGIC RESERVES.
THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR ME.
I WAS JUST THINKING OF GETTING MY WIFE
A BARREL OF OIL FOR CHRISTMAS.
BIDEN'S RELEASING OIL FROM A BACKUP SUPPLY CALLED THE
STRATEGIC PETROLEUM RESERVES.
BIDEN TOOK THIS EMERGENCY STEP BECAUSE FUEL PRICES ARE HOVERING
AROUND A SEVEN YEAR HIGH.
ALSO HOVERING AROUND A SEVEN YEAR HIGH?
A LITTLE PROGRAM KNOWN AS "THE LATE LATE SHOW."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN OTHER NEWS, NASA WILL BE
LAUNCHING A SPACECRAFT TONIGHT-- TO DELIBERATELY CRASH INTO AN
ASTEROID.
IT'S A TEST TO DETERMINE IF CRASHING AN OBJECT INTO AN
ASTEROID IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF CHANGING ITS COURSE, SHOULD AN
ASTEROID EVER THREATEN EARTH.
FEELS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A BIGGER STORY, DOESN'T IT?
( LAUGHTER ) THEY WOULDN'T DO IT IF THEY
DIDN'T THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PROBLEM AROUND THE CORNER.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHO I FEEL BAD FOR IN
ALL THIS?
THE ASTROID.
( LAUGHTER ) IT WENT 6 MILLION MILES OUT OF
ITS WAY TO AVOID EARTH AND IS NOW JUST GETTING ROPED INTO OUR
DRAMA.
IT'S REALLY OUT OF ORDER.
THE ASTROID IS, LIKE, WHAT DID I DO?
WE'RE JUST BLOWING THEM UP JUST IN CASE?
OUTRAGEOUS!
IF YOU HAD TO PULL AN ARMAGEDDON-STYLE TEAM TOGETHER
FROM THE CREW, LIKE A MISSION TO SAVE PLANET EARTH, THEY COME TO
US, THEY'RE, LIKE, WE NEED SIX PEOPLE, SIX PEOPLE WHO WILL
JUST, YOU KNOW, RISK THEIR LIVES AND THEIR FAMILIES DON'T PAY TAX
AS LONG AS THEY'RE ON EARTH AND EVERYONE GETS, YOU KNOW, A LOAD
OF MONEY, BUT YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, BUT I NEED A PARTICULAR
GROUP WITH PARTICULAR SKILLS, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
>> THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> James: NO, DON'T LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.
>> OKAY.
>> James: WE'VE GOT TO SACRIFICE OURSELVES TO SAVE
CIVILIZATION ON EARTH.
IT'S AN HEROIC ACT.
>> OKAY.
>> James: LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, IF THEY DON'T DIE, EVERYONE
DICE.
I'M TAKING ME, WINNIE, GREENBERG, THREE OF US THAT,
WHEN IT COMES TO IT, GET -- STUFF -- DONE.
OKAY?
( APPLAUSE ) LAUREN'S GOT A QUESTION.
GO ON.
>> I THINK WE NEED MARK ON THE TEAM BECAUSE HE CAN BUILD A
BOAT.
>> AND HE'S A DAMN GOOD SCIENTISTS.
I HAVE THOUGHT, IN MY FINAL MOMENTS, MY LAST BREATH ON
EARTH, I WOULD FEEL SAFE IN MARK'S ARMS.
I WOULD.
>> I'LL BE THERE, JAMES.
>> James: I WOULD.
I'D LOOK AT HIM AND HE WOULD GO, YOU DID A GOOD THING, BUDDY.
( LAUGHTER ) I'D CRY, I'D FACETIME MY FAMILY,
HE'D FACETIME HIS SIX WIVES.
( LAUGHTER ) WHO ARE YOU TAKING?
WHO'S YOUR SIX?
>> I'M JUST GOING TO GO UP AND KNOW WE'LL ALL DIE.
LOUIE, WE WOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME.
TRTRAVNI.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I DIDN'T TAKE YOU
BECAUSE IN TRUTH IF I'M GOING TO DIE I WOULD FEEL CONFIDENT THAT
YOU WERE ON EARTH, WOULD PLEASURE AND SATISFY MY WIFE.
( LAUGHTER ) I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO THAT
BECAUSE I WOULD ALSO KNOW -- I'M NOT SAYING IT WOULD BE WORSE
THAN ME BUT IT WOULDN'T BE DRAMATICALLY BETTER BECAUSE YOU
ARE, IN YOUR CORE, YOU'RE BRITISH AND YOU'RE A LAZY LOVER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I ACTUALLY CAN'T ARGUE WITH
THAT.
>> James: YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT.
EIGHT TIMES OUT OF TEN, WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE, YOU ARE ON YOUR BACK.
>> YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> I CAN AGREE WITH THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: MOVING ON.
ACCORDING TO RECENT REPORTS, APPLE MAY BE WORKING ON AN
ALL-GLASS SMARTPHONE WITH ONE CONTINUOUS TOUCHSCREEN THAT
WOULD SPAN FRONT, BACK AND THE SIDES OF THE DEVICE.
THIS IS WHAT IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT HAS DISPLAYS ON BOTH SIDES.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY PHONE CASE THAT SAYS BOSS BITCH?
( LAUGHTER ) I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH A MOVIE ON
THAT, TRY AND TRICK IT.
( LAUGHTER ) I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE ABOUT
SEVEN MINUTES AND IT BREAKS.
>> I DON'T EVEN HAVE IT YET AND IT'S ALREADY BROKEN.
>> James: DONE.
DONE.
AND HOW LONG WILL YOU STAY WITH IT SHATTERED?
>> SIX YEARS.
>> James: IF YOUR CAR IS ANYTHING TO GO BY, YOU WILL
STAND BY A SHATTERED PHONE.
>> I'VE HAD SO MANY SHATTERED PEOPLE IN MY LIFE, WHAT
DIFFERENCE IS A CAR OR A PHONE?
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I KNOW YOU'RE
WORKING THROUGH STUFF.
TRY TO SEE THIS AS A PLACE WHERE FUNNY IS COMING OUT.
>> MAYBE MY DAD WILL SEE THIS.
( FOG HORN ) >> James: AND FINALLY, DID
EVERYBODY SEE THIS LAST NIGHT?
WASHINGTON WIZARDS PLAYER KYLE KUZMA CAUSED A BIT OF A STIR
ONLINE AFTER WALKING INTO THE ARENA WEARING THIS.
THERE HE IS, WALKING IN BEFORE THE GAME, LOOK AT THAT SWEATER.
NOW, BEFORE YOU RUSH TO JUDGEMENT, IT WILL SHRINK IN THE
DRYER.
( LAUGHTER ) PEOPLE WERE GOING CRAZY.
BUT IN HIS DEFENSE, HE DOES PLAY FOR THE WIZARDS.
THAT IS SOMETHING A WIZARD WOULD WEAR.
ISN'T IT?
THE SWEATER COMES WITH A $1,700 PRICE TAG.
BUT WHEN YOU AVERAGE IT OUT PER SQUARE FOOT OF FABRIC, IT'S
ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD DEAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY!