Wow, this is great.
I want to thank, before we even start,
the lovely people at Ellen who were nice enough
to accommodate me.
I am a senior citizen in the middle of a pandemic,
and I'm afraid to go out.
And they brought all this to me.
So this is my house, my garage, my driveway.
I'm used to working on the road, not just the driveway.
But, anyway, you're home, too.
So I'm home.
Ellen is in one of her homes.
That's a lot of homes.
I don't know a lot about that.
But I know that, if there's five homes, you get a hotel, right?
That's in a different game.
And, in this house, my--
Howie!
Not now, honey.
I'm in the-- did you hear that?
She's calling.
Anyway, she doesn't know that we're doing this.
Because we're not allowed in the house, just here.
That's my wife of 40 years.
I'm holding for applause.
Thank you.
People always say to me, Howie, is it
40 years to the same woman?
I have to be honest with you.
When I met her 40 years ago, she loved to party,
and do things, and was happy, and giddy.
And this is not the same woman.
But everything's great.
You know what we do?
We're trying to find ways to have fun.
We've been binge watching.
I think everybody, like everybody in the world,
we've been binge watching.
And we just finished, what did I just--
we just finished watching--
oh, I keep forgetting what--
Netflix.
And we're moving on to Hulu and Peacock.
But we've gone through absolutely everything
that you guys saw.
And now we're into the lower part of the list, a lot of--
I love horror.
And I should show you some of the things
that we've been watching.
There's this one horror that is based, this is a true story.
It's based in reality.
And that makes it even more scary.
The name of this picture is called Birdemic.
Who directed it?
It wasn't Scorcese, was it?
Well, you watch it.
Here they come!
All out.
Terrifying.
That was terrifying.
Oh my gosh.
Whoo!
Going to have nightmares.
People who watched the movie--
I recommend to other people.
And they could not believe-- they
said, that does not look real.
And, I assure you, I got in touch with the producers.
That is a real motel.
They thought it was just a set.
And now I have a fear of origami.
Anyway, another film we watched and-- like the pandemic
isn't bad enough--
there's a movie called Llamageddon.
Watch this.
[INAUDIBLE]
Guess what?
There's no clip.
Don't watch this.
OK.
There was no clip there.
I just wanted to throw to something
and make it seem like it's a bigger--
it's because my wife is in the house running the VCR.
We missed that clip.
Honey, I'm going to show another clip.
Let's show the people a clip from Killer Sofa.
Honey, press play!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Huh?
Whoa!
Whoa.
That's available on Tubie and Amazon Prime.
That was really scary, when the chair starts coming to her.
I mean, I'm not--
spoiler alert, if you don't want to hear it
and you're going to watch it, he chops her
into little sectionals.
See what I did there with the furniture stuff?
Anyway, mine won't do it.
Because mine is such a La-Z-Boy.
Well, I've done a ton of furniture jokes.
I don't have time for this.
[NO SPEECH]