Kanye, uh,
held his Sunday Service in Chicago this weekend
with special guest Chance the Rapper.
(cheering and applause)
Chance, I have a question.
Could I get a spot in the next one?
Because-- Just to do a guest set?
Like, not right at the top, you know?
I can do a clean ten.
Mostly clean. I do stuff like I do on Ellen.
I have one pussy (bleep) joke, but I'll bury it in the middle.
And it kills. You know what,
you don't even know it's dirty, the way I do it.
-And, uh... -I want to-- I want to start...
-Yeah, go. -I want to start Friday Night Shabbat Dinner.
-Oh, Shabbat? -It'd be inspired by that. Yeah.
-Oh, okay. -Get some, like, James Turrell pieces, you know?
-Yeah. -Like, just, you know, be doing, like,
-our favorite Torah portions and things like that. -Oh, true.
-And it'd be really... -Sounds a little less fun. Yeah, okay.
I think-- I think it'd be really fun.
If we could only find some Jewish people
-in this town to do it with. -(laughter)
I was gonna invite, uh, Judd to Rob Schneider's adult bris
we're doing this week.
But, Chance, honestly, so you went to this.
So, walk us through what happens. It's very secretive.
Man. I don't know, man. It's-it's...
-Just being honest, yo, it's very, very... -Yeah.
Christ-based. So, it's, like...
-Churchy? -It's a lot of-- Yeah, it's very-- it's very--
I wouldn't even say churchy. It's a lot of just, like...
It's a heavy feeling. This is one of those that I don't have
-a good bit for, because Christ usually isn't funny. -No.
But-but, uh...
-It's all context. -It was-- it was sick though. It was dope.
I mean, it sounds just like a cool thing
-that I just want to go to just... so I can go. -Yeah.
-I don't even care what happens. -I would love to go.
-Yeah. -You have to know somebody, so...
Can you do a plus-three?
-Huh? -(laughter)
Judd, this whole thing is two hours.
Do you feel like that's too long?
I feel like, if the three of us went, it'd be weird.
I feel like it'd be weird.
I feel like it would just look weird.
Like, what they're doing is fine.
But just us there, like, if in that,
-we were in the background, it-it-- people... -But, again,
I'm wearing this.
I look great.
-SPADE: They go, uh... -I'd give it right back.
Right after the service is done,
I'd give it right back to the stylist.
They go, "Did somebody forget the crackers?"
And we all three walk in.
All right, um...
We're having a conversation.
I'm not, like, quite white though.
-I'm not quite a cracker. I'm a Jew. -Are you? Oh, really?
You're a matzo.
Yeah, I'm, like-- I'm, like-- I'm, like...
I'm, like, gray.
I'm, like, a good Eastern Euro gray.
I'm-I'm full saltine, dude.
I'm nothing. I'm the most--
All right, a trailer came out for the new season
of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
This is an emotional clip.
Kourtney and Kim face a health scare.
(laughter)
-I, uh... -Thoughts and prayers.
I went to the hospital, like, 72 times last year.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
-It was rough. -Oh, shit.
I like when people are, like, going bald,
and then, suddenly, they just shave it all off.
-Yeah. -You know? How, like, Agassi did that.
-Yeah. -And then, like, Bruce Willis did that.
-And Travolta just did that. Like, one day, boom. -Yeah.
-B-- I'm gonna do that. -Oh, yeah?
Just, one day, I'm gonna go bald
-and you're gonna be like, -I feel like...
"I suddenly want to (bleep) Judd Apatow. -Yeah.
-He looks so good bald." -(applause and cheering)
-I do now. -Should I do that?
Should I shave it all? I did at one point years ago.
-SPADE: I like your look. -Thank you. I feel... (mutters)
(laughter)
By the way, if you're Armenian,
and you're running out of hair, something's wrong.
I've got Armenian kids on my street doing donuts at 3:00 a.m.
Anyway, Chance, have you, uh...?
You've never dated a bald woman, have you?
No, no, I haven't.
I have never dated a bald or balding woman.
-SPADE: Right. -But I don't think...
I don't think it's as dramatic as they're making it seem with
the hospital and...
It's because it's reality TV.
It's, like, the ominous tones and, like,
the fast flashy stuff that makes you feel like it's important.
But I'm sure they're fine. I saw them recently.
(laughter)
-(applause) -They were...
They gonna make it?
I think they're gonna make it.
My big advice to her...
My big advice to her is, if...
if it keeps going, don't look at it as sad.
Look at it as distinguished.
-SPADE: Oh, yeah. -(laughter)
You know, Khloe doesn't have to worry, 'cause O.J.'s not bald.
ANNOUNCER; C-C-Conspiracy.
♪ ♪
Stupid. All right, that was dumb.