♪♪
Have a good day at school, Justin.
Oh, you're gonna want to tuck your shirt in, there, buddy.
-Dad, stop! -Come on!
You want to look good for the school dance, don't you?
[ Laughing ] Ohh!
[ Chuckles ] Get a load of Daddy Dumb-legs.
Narrator: Barry Smitt wasn't very cool.
But what made him great at his job...
Barry, this quarterly report took a quarter century to read!
Oh, thank you, sir! ...made him a lame friend...
Barry, put the business section down and watch the game with us.
Okay, fine. I'll watch some...basketball.
Baseball!
...a lame husband...
Barry, you promised you'd be here.
Honey, this paperwork is not just gonna do itself.
...and a lame dad...
Your father is a good man,
but sometimes, he can do things that just aren't very cool.
...until one day, his son took matters into his own hands.
Justin: [ Thinking ]!I wish that, for just one day, my dad was cool.
♪♪
Houston, we have...no problemo.
Narrator: !Now Barry can't help but!be cool.
This defies all medical logic,
but your blood test shows that your heart rate is down.
Your blood pressure's down. I need to run some more tests.
Can I bring a cheat sheet?
Oww! He's too cool for work...
Hey, Barry, I want you to say hello to my --
I want you to say hello to my little friend.
-Hey! -Ohh!
...too cool for his friends... [ Buzzer ]
Whoo! ...and too cool for school.
The man I married was decent and responsible,
-not some Radical Randy! -[ Laughs ]
What were you saying, babe?
Ted Apples is...
I'm too cool!
[ Crashing ] Yeah!
Sir, do you have any illegal substances in the vehicle?
You mean other than this?
Pardon my dust, bro.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay. Justin, you have a great day at school.
School? Uh, dad, it's the fourth Thursday in November.
What does that even mean?
Larry, it's Thanksgiving!
Aah!
Ha! Get a load of the Grinch Who Stole Thanksgiving!
Narrator:!Larry Smutz didn't quite have the holiday spirit.
What do you mean you don't like Thanksgiving?
Why would I cook a turkey for eight hours
when I could just make one phone call
and have Chinese food here in a half hour?
But marching to the beat of his own drummer...
Larry, you promised you would be here.
Thanksgiving? Uh, no, thanks.
...made him out to be a real autumn bummer...
Justin, your father's a good man,
but he just [sighs] doesn't understand Thanksgiving.
...until one day, his son took matters into his own hands.
Justin: [ Thinking ]!I wish, that for just one day,
my dad would know the true meaning of Thanksgiving.
♪♪
Wait.
I'm Thanksgiving?!
[ Gobbles ]
This defies all medical logic,
but your blood test shows that you're half pilgrim...
[ Gobbling ] ...half turkey, and all gravy.
The man I married loved my heart and my soul,
and now he just loves green-bean casserole!
Ted Apples is...
I'm sorry for what my ancestors did!
[ Crashing ] [ Gobbles ]
[ Siren wails ] License and registration.
How about cranberry sauce and sweet potatoes?
Yeah, I'm gonna need backup
to help me with these delicious leftovers. Over.
♪♪
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Have a good day at school, Justin.
But I'm worried about my big test at school today.
I got to recite all the states.
There's Alabama...
-Uh-huh. -...California...
-Yeah. -...Massachusetts --
All right, I don't have time for this right now.
I got to go. Good luck with your test, buddy. You got this.
Narrator:!Jerry Schultz couldn't quite sit still.
Hey, Barry, I'd like you to say hello to --
Goodbye! But being a mover and shaker...
-Hey, Jerry, about that -- -Uh, clock's a-ticking.
...seemed to be quite the deal breaker...
-You promised you would be here. -I have to go.
Justin, your father is a good man.
But he does too much.
He can't just plant himself in the house.
...until one day, his son took matters into his own hands.
Justin: [ Thinking ] I wish that for just one day,
my dad was a common house plant.
♪♪
Jerry: Oh, great. Now I've done it.
Narrator:!Now, instead of running around...
This defies all medical logic,
but you need to be watered three times a day.
Talk about breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
...Jerry's planted on the ground.
We promised we'd never grow apart.
Now you're growing because of the sun?!
It's called photosynthesis, Catherine!
Ted Apples is...
Jerry: Whoa-oh-oh, not too fast!
[ Crashing ] Oh, great.
Sir, I'm gonna need to ask you to step out of the vehicle.
Jerry: How?!
Ugh!
♪♪
Justin. [ Panting ]
I made it. I made it to your birthday on time!
Dad, my birthday was four months ago.
W-Well, what's with all this?
What -- What's with the cake?
To prove a point, Gary.
This is an intervention.
But I'm on time.
This time. What about the next birthday?
Shouldn't need magical wishes
for you to be decent to your friends and family.
All that magic can't be good for your body. Damn you!
Well, yeah, but I-I learn a valuable lesson every time.
What'd you get me, Dad?
Oh, uh, nothing. I-I didn't have time.
I just wrapped a box.
[ All groan, murmur ]
Come on, Justin. This party's dead. Let's blow.
[ Horn blows weakly ] How about you wish
that your -- your -- your dad is better at giving gifts?
You know, maybe I'll get so good at giving gifts,
I'll turn into Santa,
and the lesson I'll learn is that there's more to life
than just giving material possessions.
Hey, Gare, I want to talk to you first thing in the morning.
Okay. About what?
About the fact that I'm letting you go.
Mr. Peppers, you're firing me?
The board isn't too happy with all your goofing around --
the Nerf gun and the gravy mess
and the big presentation that you were supposed to be doing.
Yeah, but my kid wished that I was a piece of gum
at the bottom of a shoe! What was I supposed to do?!
You should have stayed a piece of gum
on the bottom of a shoe, Gary.
You should have stayed a piece of gum...
on the bottom... of a shoe.
Let me guess. They finally fired you?
A little support would be nice right about now, Catherine.
Oh, that's rich --
you asking me for a little support
after you've been abandoning this family
time after time again.
Yeah, well, I'll be home all the time now.
That's for damn sure.
It's too late for that, Gary.
-I've met someone. -Who?
We fell in love at your intervention.
We didn't mean to do it. It just happened.
I guess I'm the one that's gonna be arrested now,
for stealing your wife's heart.
I'm sorry. I-I was just trying to --
I don't really know what I was trying to do, and I'm sorry.
You need to leave, Gary.
She's taking the house, the car,
the kid -- everything.
Maybe if you weren't so self-centered,
you could have seen this divorce coming.
Wait, n-now I'm self-centered?
What's my name, man?
Your name?
Yeah. My name.
Uh, J-Juh--
Have a nice life, man.
This defies no medical logic,
but you seem to have an inoperable brain tumor.
Well, can we --
No. Whatever you're thinking, we can't do it.
Please. What if --
I'm a medical doctor. I'm not a child making a wish.
♪♪
Here we go, Justin.
Okay. Now, listen.
Daddy's got some problems right now, okay,
problems you wouldn't understand,
Daddy -- Daddy problems.
What Daddy needs you to do is make one of your wishes
to make Daddy a-a bigger, stronger daddy,
or else Daddy might not make it to your next birthday,
and you don't want that. Your mommy doesn't want that.
And Daddy really, really doesn't want that,
because Daddy loves birthdays, okay?
Daddy !needs !birthdays!
Daddy wishes he was a birthday, okay?
So do it. Just make the wish.
Stronger daddy. You can do it. Just do it.
How can I make a wish now? It's not even my birthday.
Justin, I swear to God
if you don't make the wish --
I wish I never saw you again!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
♪♪
Ted Apples is...
[ Crashing ] Gary: Oh, great.
[ Siren wails ] Hey, there, Gary.
You know why I pulled you over?
Because I've been circling my --
your !house for the last few hours?
Yeah.
I'm gonna need you to stop that.
I don't have anywhere to go.
♪♪
And now for your feature presentation.
[ Triumphant fanfare plays ]
♪♪
[ Bicycle bell rings ]
♪♪
♪ Shooby-dooby-dooby doo-wop, baby ♪
Well, happy birthday, sport.
♪♪
Listen, I know it's tough.
I'm your new stepdad, and it's not easy --
I wish you were a cup of coffee!
What? What's happening?
[ Grunting ] [ Crunching ]
[ Mug clattering ]
♪♪
Happy birthday, Justin.
-Mom, wait! -Justin, please.
Don't talk to me till I've had my morning coffee.
You know better.
[ Quiet screaming ]
Mmm.
♪♪
[ Quiet screaming ]
♪♪
[ Sighs ] [ Quiet screaming ]