[Captions by Mikee M. at Y Translator] >> These people were this close...
to avoiding a s**t storm.
So they crashed into a tree.
Look where the branch came out.
This just makes me want to back up in my own seat.
So close.
That's a real nut tickler.
That's some final destination s**t.
I almost died today my mom got a perfectly timed picture
of my dad saving my life.
Oh!
He went face-first into the rocks.
And his dad grabbed his ankle.
Get you a dad like this.
Oh, wait you can't.
So, this dude gave his phone to his mom,
and he got a text from his dealer.
Need bud?
My son no longer has this phone or number.
Does he need what?
Bud.
A buddy.
I heard he lonely af.
[laughs]
That's a good guy. He got your back.
He could have snitched and been like,
'Your son, he smoking the devil's lettuce."
That jazz cabbage.
But, no.
A buddy. I'm here for him.
Moms.
Ready for tonight, babe?
You're gonna use that mouth so hard.
I'm Sara's father,
and what is she gonna do with her mouth?
Oh, she didn't tell you?
What?!
It's karaoke night.
[gasps]
[laughs]
Somebody give this guy a high five.
Get your man with a save like that.
Ten hours ago.
No fap November begins now.
Nine hours ago.
No fap November failed.
His mom has got a comment.
Fap?
What is fap?
Fatty Animal Preserves.
Duh.
Mom, I had some midnight snacks last night,
and failed to stay FAP-free this month.
Sure.
What a good son.
He tries so hard not to fap.
But, failed.
I like how everybody liked this comment,
like they're all in on it.
Nobody snitched.
I almost killed my family this morning making pancakes.
Great Value! How could you?
I trusted you.
They're gonna make the butter flavored cooking spray...
and the lemon scented furniture polish...
look almost identical.
Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.
Literally.
Imagine frying some pancakes and some lemon scented furniture polish.
All I can say is it's probably not going to taste like lemon.
It's gonna taste like death.
And vomit.
And lots of vomit.
Have fun at the ER.
Almost went to jail today!
Scared the crap out of me!
OMG mate, what happened? How?
Why? What did you do?
It was really scary.
All those Monopoly games could get pretty intense.
We all know that guy...
who want to try so hard to look like a bad-ass on Facebook.
But no.
You ain't.
[shock]
They were building something and it fell.
But, it caught itself.
Just in time.
Yikes.
How does it even fall to begin with?
And how did it even get up there?
It's on like a five-story building.
I've so many questions.
A A A
A B C D E F G...
H I J...
K K K K.
I wonder why...
only the Ks.
Oh they cut themselves.
All of them have three letters.
But, the K K K K got four.
Check yourself.
It's almost 4:00 a.m.
And this dude over here almost brushed his teeth with athlete's foot cream.
Almost burshed my teeth with this on accident.
I mean I'll take the spelling error,
over the mouthful of athlete's foot cream.
I almost rather have athlete's foot in my mouth than athlete's foot cream.
Oh, this dude got a tattoo of Lauren.
His now ex-girlfriend.
So after they broke up,
he had to hide it had to cover it up somehow...
with his love...
for Ralph Lauren...
and they're overpriced polos.
It's so good.
Lauren. Who that?
I only know Ralph Lauren.
Oh no!
So cops came into this dude's house.
See, he getting ready to bust in.
I don't know what he did,
but he hiding on the roof.
And the neighbors they go see him, they go,
Oh this sneaky motherfu-- like he just jumped out of his window.
Just chilling on the roof.
Oh I hope they never find him.
Oh, when they walk back into their car.
What's he gonna do? They're gonna see him.
Always keep the receipts in case a hoe wanna be ungrateful.
Look at her face.
I got her all those flowers and snacks.
Girl, you want to be ungrateful?
I could take it right back to Walmart.
I got the receipt and I'mma get a refund.
That's just rude.
Well I'm never using Tinder again.
You match with Matthew.
So he recognized his aunt in her picture.
And he was like, how do you know my aunt?
I uh... she's my aunt.
Well, they're cousins.
She out here trying to find love, and ends up getting matched with her cousin.
My great grandfather was shot in the chest by a German soldier during World War I.
Luckily, the coins in his breast pocket absorbed the bullet and saved his life.
You could say he didn't need much money to survive.
Dang! I've heard of this happening.
So he had coins in his pocket and somebody got a good shot.
A heart shot.
It ain't a head shot.
But, you know.
But, they absorbed the bullet.
Bullet proof vest, who?
We got coins out here, saving lives.
So somebody threw a bat and it was about to hit his kid's face.
A dad over here comes in clutch.
Knocks it out of the way.
What a beast of a dad.
This one too.
This is insane.
So safety glasses save this guy's eye from an exploding angle disc grinder.
You know those like...
machines?
It broke...
and hit him in the eye.
And his glasses saved him.
This is why you always wear safety glasses.
I see y'all in chemistry like, why do we gotta wear these?
This is why!
Also they cute.
Ya'll see that?
This dude is on his phone!
He jumped over it!
He literally jumped over it.
Holy!
And then, just casually goes back to talking on his phone.
Yep. This guy, he's not human.
Not buying it.
Just casually goes back.
Yeah. So, large pepperoni pizza with a coke.
This dude got a fortune cookie that said, 'You will have bad luck for all eternity.'
Hello, Satan?
Buddy, got another one that said, 'Ignore previous cookie.'
I don't know about you guys but I take fortune cookies so seriously.
Like, if it says my life is going to be blessed.
You know, my ass is gonna sit there and wait to be blessed.
Almost set my cat on fire.
His cat blends in so perfectly,
too perfectly, with the oven.
This is so scary.
Also I want to know what the cat doing on the stove.
Oh, don't mind me here, just trying to be a snack.
Do you like anyone?
Yeah, you.
Um, I have a BF.
Yeah,
you...
question mark.
Oh!
[laughs]
Punctuation matters.
Ooh, but the save though.
So smooth.
You can't say anything like, no it was a mistake.
I don't like you.
I almost threw up in my mouth a little.
I just asked you if you liked anybody.
Excuse me while I go cry now.
So, a shark bit her,
but she wasn't tasty enough.
So he let her go.
What?
So researchers believe that in the initial bite,
a shark can detect the ratio of fat to bone or muscle.
And whether its mouthful is worth eating or not.
So he took a bite out of her and was like,
nah this b****
she ain't got enough meat on her bones.
It's not worth my time.
She ain't a snack.
That is actually so funny.
It's like you about to eat something like,
nope, I don't like it.
She got rejected by a shark but accepted by life.
So can you really complain?
Nah, I'll take it.
This person found a bug inside their toothbrush.
And trust me, I have seen this before.
This is legit.
They put the toothpaste on it and then they caught themselves.
Holy s**t! There is a dead bug in here.
Ahh!
Hell no!
Burn it.
Throw it in the fireplace.
Just kidding.
I'll rinse it off.
You guys throw it away or just rinse it off and just brush your teeth.
Comment below.
Somebody stepped on a nail.
And luckily, it only went through the skin on the side.
Imagine stepping on that?
Ah trust me, that little s**t would go all the way in if you stepped on it.
It's happened to me before.
This is the absolute worst.
Top 10 anime deaths.
A friend of mine almost lost his wedding band to the drain today.
The drain had mercy.
That seems way too convenient.
Like it's just plop down...
perfectly like...
Okay, I'm ready to be picked up now.
I don't like the outside world.
I don't feel safe when I'm not on a finger.
So, can you please like pick me back up and...
put me back on that finger!
I can't believe that dude took a picture before picking up the ring.
Oh my God.
I can't believe everybody just stopped.
Oh my God, the luck.
The luck.
That kid is so lucky to be alive.
This girl left her camera.
A hella expensive camera.
On her truck and drove around town for 20 minutes.
Before realizing it was gone.
And then it was still there.
The next best thing is if you left it on and it was recording everything.
But, dang I did this before, but not for very long.
I just pulled out of a gas station and I had my phone on top of my car.
But, it was still there.
I almost stepped on this little nope-rope while shooting.
Nope-rope.
That is officially the new name for snakes.
Nobody will call them snakes anymore.
They are now referred to as 'nope ropes'.
Thank you.
I can't.
I can't with these anymore.
An axe!
This is actually one of my worst nightmares.
Like you know those construction trucks that have just everything
in the back of the truck?
Like what if the s**t falls out?
So an axe from the truck in front of them came flying out and hit their windshield.
And it just came in and stuck, oh God.
That could have been awful.
Oh, if this happened to me. I would just never leave my house again.
Anxiety Fest.
They open their fridge and then the pitcher with juice fell...
and was caught by the door.
Oh.
I think we could all agree this was the best save of them all,
because nobody like cleaning up juice.
But, anyways that's all for today.
I hope you guys enjoyed this video.
If you want a part two make sure you hit that like button in the face.
And comment below if you've ever had like a near-death experience.
Your phone dying does not count.
And make sure you subscribe and join the wolf pack.
[howls]
I love you guys so much.
Thanks for watching. Bye guys!
[Music]