( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M SO PLEASED TO SAY, THRILLED AND
HONORED TO TELL YOU THAT MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN
ACTOR YOU KNOW AS
"BEETLEJUICE," "BATMAN," AND "BIRDMAN."
HE NOW STARS IN AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCES THE NEW LIMITED SERIES
"DOPESICK."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL KEATON!
♪ ♪ ♪
YOU LOOK GOOD.
YOU LOOK SO GOOD.
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR KNOWING HOW TO MAKE AN
ENTRANCE ON A TALK SHOW.
>> YEAH, I KIND OF MILKED IT -- >> Stephen: THE AUDIENCE
DESERVED-- >> FIRST OF ALL, THANKS FOR
HAVING ME.
THIS IS NICE.
HOW MANY COME ON AND ACTUALLY THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: VERY FEW.
>> THEY WEREN'T RAISED CORRECTLY.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
>> IS IT, REALLY?
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN MICHAEL DOUGLAS KEATON?
>> VERY WELL, VERY WELL.
AND IT IS SO NICE-- THIS IS GREAT.
I'VE ONLY BEEN TO NEW YORK A COUPLE OF TIMES SINCE THE
PANDEMIC.
( APPLAUSE )
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: LIVE, BROADWAY AUDIENCE.
>> IT'S SO NICE, MAN.
AND EVERY TIME I COME HERE THE FIRST THING I DO, BEING ON A
PLANE, IT'S ONE OF THE GREAT WALKING CITIES IN THE WORLD.
SO, YEAH.
SO I ALWAYS HINT THE GROUND RUNNING AND GO OUT AND TAKE A
WALK, TAKE A WALK AND WALK AROUND.
AND THERE WAS NEVER, NEVER ONCE WAS THERE A TIME I HAVE WENT,
"IT WAS ALL RIGHT."
LAST NAME I WAS OUT FOR A LITTLE JOG, A LITTLE RUN, AND I COME
AROUND THE CORNER DOWNTOWN, AND I SEE-- SORRY, BUT WE'RE ALL
USED TO THIS HERE IN THE CITY-- I SEE A COUPLE OF RATS.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, LIVING THEIR LIVES.
>> SURE, OF COURSE.
YEAH.
SO I SEE A COUPLE OF RATS.
INTERESTINGLY, MY FIRST REACTION WAS TO PUT MY MASK ON.
( LAUGHTER )
GEE, I'M SORRY," AND I'M LIKE THIS.
BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, "NO, NO, IT'S ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT PROTECTING YOU."
( LAUGHTER )
COVID FROM ME.
YOU COULD HAVE A FAMILY OR SOMEONE IMMUNOCOMPROMISED BACK
IN YOUR DEN!" >> YOU'RE RIGHT, YELLING DOWN A
SEWER.
"REALLY, I'M SORRY, IF I OFFENDED YOU, RATS."
YEAH, SO, SO, IT'S ALWAYS JUST SO FUN TO COME OUT.
AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU THIS QUESTION: ISN'T IT AMAZING, WHEN
YOU'RE OUT IN THE STREET-- I BET THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, YOU HAVE
ONE OF THESE ON PROBABLY.
>> Stephen: WHEN I'M OUT, NOT ON STAGE.
>> HOW OFTEN YOU'RE RECOGNIZED.
>> Stephen: IF I DON'T TALK AND WEAR SUNGLASSES AND A HAT
I'M COOL.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: BUT IF I TALK, PEOPLE GO, "HEY!"
>> OR WHATEVER.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE EYEBROWS.
YOU HAVE THOSE BABY BLUES AND THE EYEBROWS.
>> PLUS, THE MICHAEL KEATON HAT THAT I WEAR.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
ARROWS POINTING DOWN AT YOUR FACE.
>> AND LIGHTS.
SO, SO, SO I ALWAYS AM KIND OF FASCINATED BY THAT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DO IT.
AND I'M OUT, AND, YOU KNOW, NEW YORKERS ARE THE GREATEST,
BECAUSE THEY'LL ALWAYS YELL-- THEY'RE JUST EXCELLENT AT HOW
THEY-- THEY'RE OBTRUSIVE AND UNOBTRUSIVE AT THE SAME TIME.
THE BEST, THE BEST.
"MIKEY!" AND, YOU KNOW, THEY'LL QUOTE A
LINE OR "LOVE YOU!" AND THEN THEY JUST GO ON WITH
THUR LIVES.
THEY DON'T CARE -- >> Stephen: THEY'VE GOT THINGS
TO DO, THINGS TO DO.
>> PLACES TO GO AND THINGS TO DO.
IT'S THE GREATEST.
IT'S, "HEY, WHAT'S UP?" AND THAT'S IT.
SO, SO, I DON'T KNOW HOW-- I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW PEOPLE SEE,
RECOGNIZE ME, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE-- AND WHEN YOU LIVE IN A
PLACE, A WARM CLIMATE LIKE LOS ANGELES MOST OF THE TIME, OR
OTHER PLACES, YOU DON'T NEED A LOT OF STUFF.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A COLDER CITY-- CHICAGO, NEW YORK,
WHATEVER-- YOU HAVE A PHONE.
YOU HAVE A MASK.
YOU HAVE STUFF.
AND YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING ON SUBWAYS AND --
>> Stephen: IN L.A. YOU'RE IN YOUR CAR.
>> YOU HAVE FLIP-FLOPS AND THEY THEREFORE-- AND I'M GUILTY OF
THIS-- MORE THINGS TO LOSE OR FORGET.
>> Stephen: IN NEW YORK.
>> YES, OR CHICAGO OR WHATEVER.
I FINALLY REALIZED A LOT OF PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ME NOW WHEN
THEY SEE ME BY THIS.
( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S BECOME THAT BAD THAT GUYS WILL YELL, "AGAIN?"
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND, WE'LL
BE BACK WITH MORE MICHAEL KEATON.
♪ ♪ ♪