I doubt there's a person who hasn't struggled with the aftermath of being
betrayed or having someone you trust break their promise. It hurts, and it
hurts for a long time. There's no avoiding the pain, but you can respond in
a way that will help you heal from the pain and not live in misery. You don't
need to feel like a victim of someone else's lack of sensitivity or commitment.
So when we say betrayal, what are we talking about? Betrayal is when someone
breaks trust or commitment in a relationship in a deliberate wounding
way. Often an act of betrayal can change your life forever. Here are a
few examples: infidelity or an affair within a marriage a series of repeated lies
between friends or coworkers. Someone throwing you under the bus to look
better. Someone sharing your secrets or making fun of you with others betrayal
creates a whole cocktail of feelings, including anger, shame, resentment anxiety,
and disappointment. With all those feelings swirling around, it's normal to
feel shaky with lower self confidence and self esteem. You're torn between
getting vengeance and cutting them out from your life. You may not trust
yourself or your gut feelings anymore, but mostly you're going to feel scared.
Scared about opening up to anyone; in fact, you may even question some of the
people you're presently close to. You may feel as though you're at an impasse. In
reality, you're at a crossroad. Let's get into the Reaction Reset for today.
Right now, you're at a point where your reaction can encourage and expand
personal growth or keep you stuck in a memory. The latter will almost certainly
limit life and love in the future. Instead, I encourage you to use this
opportunity to grow through your pain and use it to find a better
understanding of yourself and others. First of all, you must restore your sense
of faith in yourself and what you feel. Ironically,
after betrayal you begin to doubt yourself in addition to the person who
betrayed you. The sooner you can begin trusting yourself again, the easier the
other skills will become. Get together with friends and family members who
trust you and remind you of your positive qualities. Write down two small
goals each day and complete them. This is going to help restore your faith in
yourself. Secondly, write down the specific destruction caused by the
betrayal. Give yourself permission to feel angry. Write everything down, relive
it, feel it. After you finish it, throw it in a dumpster, shred it, or burn it.
This symbolizes your moving forward on. Thirdly, begin meditating or praying ten
minutes every day. Focus on now. This will help erase the memory of the
betrayal. When you quiet yourself, it's easier to be more accepting of what was
going on during the deception. It will help soften the pain. The final and
perhaps hardest step is forgiveness. You'll never condone what this person
did nor should you. Forgiveness is more about you detaching
from the pain, allowing yourself to forgive that it happened. You are
choosing to forgive where you were with this person - to move forward with your
life. Hanging on to the pain will create misery. Going forward, you'll never be
free without forgiveness. Faith and trust are easier to restore if you find others
who have been betrayed and shows a positive reaction. Join a support group
or begin a group of like-minded people. This helps you focus on doing something
positive that will help you and many others. No matter where you are in your
painful experience, you have a choice to make. That choice will determine the
quality of your relationships going forward. None of
us wants to have pain in our lives, but pain is a necessary part of life.
It wakes us up, and brings opportunities we would not have otherwise explored.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.