Indian weddings are known around the world as grand,
lavish, and memorable spectacles. But were they the same colorful extravaganzas 5,000 years ago?
The Indian-subcontinent was not only one of the cradles of civilization but also arguably the
birthplace of the institution of marriage. So, for a civilization that never ceased to exist,
how much does tying the knot in the present day differ from the past? Today on Nutty
History we’re walking down the historical aisle to see what marriage was like in Ancient India.
While many human societies of history were male-dominant, Indian civilization had a
different beginning. Graves found at Harappa indicate that the Indus Valley civilization
was actually a matriarchy. This meant that the women were the head of the household and were in
charge of all important decisions within married life. Archaeological findings have suggested that
in Harappa and Mohenjo-daro, it was the groom who would move into his bride’s house after marriage.
It was only the brides who married foreigners that moved away from their homes and towns.
These marriages were business arrangements, meant to strengthen trade and commerce. Who
needs love when you have foreign silk? The houses that married couples lived in were traditionally
made of baked bricks, and varied depending on the wealth of the family. Fancier abodes might
have more than one floor and perhaps a courtyard. In day to day life, Priests were responsible for
instructing children in reading, writing, and general academia, while the family was
responsible for teaching them crafts. A fam that crafts together stays together. It’s unfortunate
that Harappan priests aren’t around anymore to answer some of our more burning questions about
Indus Valley’s marital customs. Our knowledge remains pretty limited, since we still haven’t
deciphered their script. Anyone have the digits for the guy that cracked the Zodiac code?
With the advent of Indo-Aryans in the northern Indian plains, the gender roles changed and the
patriarchy found its way to India. The Vedic religion was relatively liberal on a woman’s
career choices, but it did put her in a box when it came to marriage. In the Vedic system,
a woman was considered her father’s chattel before marriage and then her husband’s property
thereafter. Anyone else feel like we’re going backwards? Still, women were considered to play
an equal role of importance in the marriage and everything was shared between spouses.
The perfect power couple of this age was supposed to follow the ideals of Godly
duos such as Rama-Sita or Shiva-Sati, who were each considered incomplete without their spouse.
But what about the big day? In the Vedic period, there were eight different types
of wedding ceremonies, depending upon how the couple came into an agreement for the union.
Most importantly, whichever type of wedding was held, they were bound together in marriage.
And if we believe the religious texts, they were in it not just for life, but for the next
seven lives. Yeah, we’re not sure how easy it is to find a divorce lawyer in the afterlife.
One unique kind of wedding ceremony was called Swayamvara. The bride would choose her groom
out of many suitors assembled at one place. This also might involve some sort of skill test for
the hopeful men, such as an archery competition, or the bride to be presenting a riddle to test
their wit. Other wedding ceremonies involved the father donating his daughter as a bride,
gifting her as a bride, or accepting a dowry for her as a bride. While it sounds a bit like we’re
talking about a Crate & Barrel dish set instead of an actual human woman, the daughter’s consent was
usually involved in the decision making. Here’s to small victories. As for actually having romantic
feelings toward your special someone, Love Marriages in the Vedic era were technically
allowed, but weren’t entirely socially acceptable. These weddings were called Gandharva Vivah,
named after Gandharvas, an elf-like mythological creature. They still showed some love for
love though - India’s native name Bhaarat actually comes from the mythical King Bharat,
who was conceived of a love marriage between his father King Dushyant and a nymph Shakuntala.
Not all marriages of the Vedic period involved just two people. Polygamy was allowed for both
genders, to an extent, but was more common among men. Kings and Emperors were more likely to have
multiple wives, as the women of the royal families acted as diplomatic ambassadors. So,
the more neighbors you had to your kingdom, the more wives you might require. Kids of the time,
specifically boys, were mainly the responsibility of local sages and priests who taught and groomed
them for life’s hardships. Girls, on the other hand, were the sole responsibility of their
mothers and were supposed to train to be wifey material for most of their adolescent years.
Around 500 BCE, Vedic systems evolved to Orthodox Hinduism and things for women took a turn for the
worse. This change in status in turn altered the social fabric of the institution of marriage.
The concept of ‘Devdasi,’ wives of the gods, also emerged during this time. Priests and acolytes
might demand that families donate their daughters to temples and other religious establishments.
These women were essentially slaves of the head priest and higher clergy. This practice
also ended up pushing the boundaries of acceptable marriage age for women to an uncomfortable degree.
As families didn’t want to be pressured into sending their daughters into slavery, they would
marry them off as early as possible. While during the Vedic era, marriage age for women averaged
around age 15, with the advent of orthodox Hinduism it came down to age 10. The changing time
also became a lot more problematic for widowed women. But don’t worry, not for the men, silly!
They were always allowed to remarry. If a woman was unfortunate enough to lose her husband,
she was treated as a living curse and would be stripped of all material luxuries and comforts.
Widowed women were then expected to live in isolation and with minimum necessities.
If they were allowed to live at all… Some parts of Ancient India forced widows to climb up onto
their dead husband's pyre and allow themselves be immolated. Some women would do this willingly,
to be venerated in the afterlife, but mostly women weren’t inclined to incinerate themselves
to death. Weird...This began one of the darkest chapters of Indian history which sadly prevailed
up until the 19th century. While some marital customs like this have been left in the past,
other traditions still exist in modern day India. Couples will still marry by looping a bonfire
seven times, and married women are still called “Ardhangini,” which means Husband’s other Half.
So, do you think you’re ready to commit to your partner for the next seven lives?