-Hey, everybody. This is so exciting.
Our next guest is an Emmy winner, a Golden Globe winner.
You know her from "Parks and Rec."
She used to carry me on her back at "Weekend Update"
on "Saturday Night Live."
It's our very good friend Amy Poehler, everybody.
-Hi, everybody. Hey, Seth.
-Hi! How are you?
-I'm -- I'm great.
You know, pretty bored. Nothing new going on.
The world is just -- -Well, I heard, though,
you did have a really interesting project
you wanted to share with us that's happening outside --
right outside your window. -Yeah.
You know, now it doesn't feel like the time to promote
anything that people are working on.
But I do have one project that I'm really excited
to talk to you guys about.
I mean, I produced it, but I feel like
it was the birds that really took it over the top.
-The birds. -A bird's nest.
-Oh, there's a bird's nest? -Yeah.
And I sent you guys a picture.
-Oh, here we are. We're looking at the photo now,
and it is just beautiful.
-I mean, you can't really tell --
you can't really see the birds
'cause they won't let me get close to them.
Because they're very temperamental artists.
-Yeah. -But, yeah.
Hoping we sell it to Nestflix.
[ Both laugh ]
I'm going crazy!
[ Both laugh ]
Well, this is all the erotica I've been writing
during quarantine. These are all my --
-A book a day, right?
You're writing a book of erotica a day.
-My libido's so high, and I got to get it out.
So just a book a day. And I made --
-Well, this is -- because this is the future of intimacy,
we'll be reading erotica, right?
People are never gonna touch each other ever again.
-Yeah. That's right. You're just gonna be --
you're gonna sit on a park bench,
and someone else will sit on a park bench,
and you'll read the erotica that you wrote.
And you'll just stare at each other from like a mile away.
-It's gonna be like 17th-century romance
from now on for everybody. Just, like, glances.
-Yeah, just, like, tiny --
Like, ankles and face masks dropping.
-Have you seen "A Portrait of a Lady on Fire"?
Have you seen that movie yet? -I haven't yet.
I can't wait to see it. -It's a lot of that.
It's a lot of, like, glances. -A lot of face masks.
[ Both laugh ]
-Like, there is, like, just through, like, netting.
-You know that there's definitely people out there
right now that are like, "This is my kink."
Like, "Hooray!"
-Oh, you mean like someone's kink is never getting
within 6 feet of anybody?
-Yeah, there's got to be somebody that's like,
"I like to wash my hands and, like, not touch anybody
and wear face masks and gloves and be scared."
I don't know. -Right.
And do you think they're, like, having to pretend, like,
"Oh, this is such a bummer for me."
But in the back of their head, they're like, "Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi!"
-"Finally."
Or maybe they're mad that all the basic people are doing it.
-Yeah, that's true. But I do --
Don't you feel bad for kids who have to date?
Like, dating is not, like, possible.
-Yes. I feel like there's so much pressure.
Like, you know how it used to be, you know,
"Will you go to the prom with me?"
Like, that was the big ask.
Now it's gonna be like, "Do you want to quarantine with me?"
-Yeah. -"Will you spend two weeks,
an uninterrupted two weeks with me,
and watch me do my laundry?" It's --
-Well, I do think that will lead to maybe not as good
a relationship but more honest relationships.
-Yeah, I mean, I will give the credit to where it's due,
which is Mike Scully, the writer Mike Scully,
who writes on "Duncanville," a show that is on right now
if you want to watch.
He coined the term quaran-tweened.
-Quaran-tweened -- I love it. -Which is -- I love it.
And that's what's happening to me right now.
I'm quaran-tweened.
So I have children who are not quite young enough
to not, you know, be anxious or need to learn schoolwork
but not quite old enough
to be able to do anything for themselves.
Or, you know, do any chores, really.
-Do you have any tips for parents who are homeschooling?
Mine are too young, but it doesn't matter what I do now.
-Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's great.
I don't know. I find it fascinating
that we found yet another way to shame working mothers right now.
And working fathers. Don't get me wrong.
Both parents are parenting right now.
But it is amazing that, like, on top of everything else,
I'm also supposed to be working full-time
and also creating all these exciting
educational adventures for my kids.
And if I see one more Instagram thing of, like,
someone being like, "If you're thinking --
If you're needing something to do today,"
or like, "If you're out of ideas what to do" --
It's like, "No, I have the ideas."
-[ Laughs ] -I don't have the time.
I don't have the time or the willingness
for my children to do the ideas.
-I don't even have the construction paper
or the scissors or the tape.
And I don't wanna go out and buy those things.
-You can't buy those things! Those things are gone!
There's no more of those! [ Both laugh ]
Can you imagine right now if you were, like,
hustling and bustling to go out to buy construction paper?
Oh, man. -Yeah, taking the risk.
Risking it all for that. -Just, like, bumping into people
at the store being like, "Excuse me!
Where's the construction paper?" People would be like,
"Get out of here, lady." -[ Laughs ]