Anyone who's read a British tabloid knows there are certain traditional customs that
one is expected to observe when they meet the queen.
So to ensure your next meeting with the monarch goes smoothly, here are some common mistakes
to avoid.
By tradition, the queen's status and power make her literally untouchable.
According to CNN, one should never attempt to touch the queen unless she initiates contact.
And on the off chance she does choose to let you touch her, the most she will do is reach
out her hand for a polite handshake, which under no circumstances must you try to turn
into a full-on hug.
This tradition has been especially fraught for friendly, social people, and more than
one high-ranking world leader has raised eyebrows for violating it.
CNN reports that in 2017, Canada's then-Governor General David Johnston sparked a scandal when
he was caught touching the queen's elbow during his visit to London.
CNN also reported that in 2009, then First Lady Michelle Obama set off a firestorm of
controversy by embracing the queen.
Both survived, and the queen later dismissed the fuss about the embrace.
"And so you're told what to do, and you sort of step forward and you curtsy or bow, whatever
fumble, terrible thing I probably did."
A common thread connecting many rules of royal etiquette is to always pay attention to the
queen, and make sure she knows you're paying attention.
If you are at an event where the queen is expected, this means standing to acknowledge
her presence when she arrives, according to the Mirror.
And if you are already standing, keep your hands by your sides and out of your pockets.
It's considered rude and even scandalous to be seen with your hands in your pockets at
royal events, even if you're a royal yourself.
But if you've been wearing your best high heels, and your feet are burning, have no
fear.
You're only obliged to remain standing as long as the queen herself stays standing.
So when she seats herself, by tradition, you're allowed, if not encouraged, to follow her
lead.
If you should be fortunate enough to be approached by the queen, be prepared to give her your
full attention.
According to The Independent, looking distracted or inattentive around the queen is a bad look
indeed.
Make eye contact so she knows you're paying attention, and you may bow or curtsy as she
approaches.
But don't overdo these gestures.
According to the royal family's official website, a brief "neck bow (from the head only)" or
"small curtsy" is all that's needed.
Alternatively, you may shake hands, but only if the queen extends her hand first.
It's also worth remembering that when it comes to interacting with the queen, being emotionally
and mentally present isn't enough.
Appearances count, especially since it's likely you'll have a bank of cameras trained on you.
Even a seasoned world traveler like President Joe Biden got into hot water during his visit
with the queen for having the audacity to wear sunglasses at their outdoor reception.
According to The Independent, this act was a blatant violation of the eye contact rule.
Before you set off for your appointment with the queen, be sure to brush up on your royal
titles.
Not all royals are created equal, and royal honorifics are not interchangeable.
Confusing "Your Majesty" and "Your Highness" is a major faux pas.
It's especially critical to keep this straight if you're scheduled to meet with more than
one member of the royal family.
And, needless to say, one should never address her simply by her first name.
According to the royal family's official website, the queen, and only the queen, should be addressed
as "Your Majesty" upon first presentation, and after that, can be simply addressed as
"ma'am”.
And in case you're wondering, the honorific "Your Royal Highness" is the correct formal
greeting for other members of the family.
A gentle warning.
When meeting the queen, your forwardness is not your friend.
According to Insider, one should never call out to the queen, nor should one initiate
a conversation with her.
As in all other areas of her life, the queen always takes the lead.
So as much as you may be dying to run up and introduce yourself to her, cool your heels
and wait your turn.
But don't take it personally, as there is a good reason for this convention.
Because of their tight schedules, royals have to pace their conversations carefully.
Royal etiquette expert Grant Harrold, the former butler to Prince Charles, told Insider,
"Royals are supposed to begin the conversation.
You'll notice they start it, so they can be in control of the time.
They have to take control."
"She keep talking to me.
My head is empty.
I don't know what she talking about."
Being invited to meet the queen is an honor.
Thus, according to the Mirror, by tradition, you must acknowledge this honor and show your
respect by bringing a present.
But what on Earth does one give a woman who has more stuff than pretty much anyone watching
this video?
Per CNN,
"You can bring a gift but make sure it's appropriate for the occasion.
Official gifts go into the Royal Collection — one of the largest private art collections
in the world — even if they are given to a specific family member."
According to Insider, the royal family does pay attention to the gifts they receive each
year, and makes note of who gave them, keeping an itemized inventory of each present and
its details.
Insider also reports that one of five fates may befall your gift.
The queen may choose to use your gift, it may go into storage for up to five years,
it may be added to the Royal Collection, it may be donated or loaned to an organization,
or it may be discarded or destroyed.
Dining with the royal family involves yet another set of complex traditions and codes
of conduct.
Which table you are assigned, and which seat you are given, are determined by your rank
relative to other guests, according to Debrett's.
You may also find at your place setting several more forks, knives, and spoons than you'd
typically use at home.
"Are these all for me?"
"Just start from the outside, work your way in."
As Debrett's also notes, you can expect formal prayers and speeches before the meal is served,
by which time you may be starving.
But no matter how hungry you are, resist the urge to dig in the minute your plate lands
in front of you.
It is considered quite rude to begin eating before the queen.
As always, follow her lead.
Once she begins eating, you are free to begin your meal as well.
And once she has finished, this is a sign that the meal is about to wrap up for everyone.
When it comes to royal events, rank is everything, and everyone ranks below the queen.
Thus, everything about your behavior around the queen must be guided by one central principle:
she's more important than you, and all traditions surrounding royal events are meant to reflect
this.
For instance, according to Newsweek, the queen is always the first in line in any procession
she appears in, and always walks ahead of everyone else, including her own family members,
when entering a room.
Even her late husband, Prince Philip, was obliged by tradition to walk two paces behind
her throughout their married life.
This means that cutting in front of her, even inadvertently, is a serious no-no, and violating
this rule has gotten high-flyers into big trouble with the etiquette police.
For instance, during his 2018 visit with the queen, then-President Donald Trump set tongues
wagging by stepping in front of her during their joint inspection of the Guard of Honour,
blocking the queen's view completely.
At royal events, there's no such thing as "fashionably late."
According to Debrett's,
"It is correct for everyone to arrive before the royal personage."
In short, you wait for the queen, you don't ever make her wait for you.
Traffic delays and last-minute work emergencies are no excuse.
Fortunately for royal visitors, the royal household will contact you with all the details
of your upcoming visit once you are invited, including exactly where the event will take
place and what time you are expected.
Sorry to disappoint you, but selfies are a serious no-no.
According to the BBC, unofficial photos are expressly forbidden in royal palaces.
And at other royal events, guests may be asked to leave their phones at home or keep them
turned off.
But if you absolutely must take a selfie to commemorate your visit, be discreet about
it, as Debrett's advises,
"Any photographs taken to mark the occasion should be taken outside the gate before the
event begins."
But don't worry, as your visit will likely be documented by an official photographer,
and you'll be able to order souvenir photos or video footage if you wish.
You may have to pay for these photos, but let's face it, they'll probably be much more
flattering than any shots you could have taken yourself.
Here's a royal etiquette rule that should be familiar to most commoners.
When talking to the queen, keep the conversation light and don't talk about politics or religion.
According to Insider, trying to engage the queen in a friendly debate about the hot topic
of the day is a serious breach of etiquette, as is asking any personal questions about
herself or the royal family.
No matter how curious you are to hear her thoughts about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's
departure from the royal family, don't even think about going there.
Instead, chat about a topic of mutual interest, such as corgis.
At any event involving the queen, she must be the center of attention.
Thus, while you're not required to train your gaze on her at all times, you must avoid turning
your back on her, which is considered disrespectful, according to the BBC.
Fortunately for less-coordinated royal guests, this rule has loosened in recent years, and
you won't get sent to the Tower of London for failing to face forward.
But in deference to this tradition, you still must not walk in front of her.
You're probably familiar with the standard rule that it's rude to overstay your visit,
but when you're at an event with the queen, the opposite rule holds.
According to CNN, it's considered rude to leave an event before the queen.
If you have a scheduling conflict and will have to leave early, you must obtain permission
in advance from one of the royal family's private secretaries.
This even applies to other members of the royal family, who must never go to bed before
the queen.
Newsweek reports that the queen is a night owl, and her love for hours of late-night
conversation made Princess Diana miserable.
The queen's former private secretary Sir William Heseltine revealed in an interview for the
book, "The Royals in Australia,"
"For Diana the long royal evenings were agony.
[...] And Diana was driven to such extremes that she'd excuse herself and go to bed, which
was thought to be rather bad form, going to bed before the queen."
If you're called upon to meet the queen on short notice and don't have time to memorize
a long list of rules of royal etiquette, a good general rule of thumb is to simply follow
her lead, according to CNN.
This includes eating when she eats, sitting when she sits, and basically following her
cues.
This will keep you out of trouble in most circumstances during any royal event.
But if the very idea of meeting the queen has you paralyzed with social anxiety, don't
worry.
You're not the only one who's both intimidated and baffled by royal etiquette, and the royal
family understands this.
For this reason, they will have their household staff provide you with detailed information
and advice about your upcoming visit, from the dress code to the code of conduct.
As Debrett's explained,
"The aim of the Royal Household is to make people comfortable and ensure they have a
good experience [...] Once at the event, members of the Royal Household are on hand to guide
guests throughout."
So relax.
Use your common sense, and if you do commit any minor errors, they will almost certainly
be forgiven.
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