Stop Caring What Other People Think [0:00:00]
[Music] So, one of the most common excuses I hear
why guys aren’t going to level up their style, they’re worried about what other
people are going to think of them.
And, I get it, human beings are social, we don’t want to be an outcast, we want to
be approved by others.
But, here’s the thing, on the journey to becoming a better man, you are going to ruffle
some feathers.
Some people just are not going to approve of your new choices.
In today’s video, we’re talking about how to stop caring about what other people
think about you, so that you can become the man you know yourself to be.
So, first up and this is going to hurt your ego, understand that most people don’t care
about you.
Seriously, they’re focused in on themselves and this is a very natural human trait.
In fact, Ayn Rand talked about this in the Virtue of Selfishness, but basically human
beings are always looking out for their own interest.
Now, of course there are exceptions and there are variances in the levels of how people
care for each other.
Your parents probably care for you.
I know I care for my kids, for my family, for my close friends, and it’s those people
you actually want to be listening to.
Unfortunately though, most of us have a bad habit of giving equal weight, in fact, sometimes
even more weight to the outside opinions of people that don’t even matter.
You know what I’m talking about.
You’re hesitant to dress up to go out with your girlfriend because, oh, you’re worried
about what your friends are going to say.
And, your friends may give you a little bit of crap because you’re dressing up for this
new woman in your life, but what they don’t know is what you see in her and you guys together
and your future.
And this is something where, hey, guys, I’m taking this seriously, I really want to show
her a great time and it’s about setting up the ambiance.
You guys may laugh at me, but I’m not going to worry about it.
And, that’s what I want to see is you starting to build up the confidence to send the message
you want to send with your clothing and with your image.
When it comes down to it, people are focused in on themselves, their own problems, their
own issues.
And a lot of times people like to lash out at somebody else that’s changing something
up in their world.
So, if you’re in a group of friends and all of a sudden you’re starting to level
up your style, all of a sudden they realize, man, I got to step up my game.
And they may attack you a bit not because they want you really to dress down, they just
simply are scared themselves that they need to step up their own game.
And what about the opinions of complete strangers, should you care what they think?
Well, here’s the thing, are they qualified to actually give you good advice?
If you get some style icon, let’s say Tom Ford and he is giving you advice on the way
you’re dressing, yeah, probably listen to him.
But, if it’s just some random person who you look in and you’re not impressed with
the way they’re presenting themselves, maybe you should, you know, just, yeah, I’ll go
ahead, yes, that’s nice, but I’m going to dress the way I want to.
The next tip to stop caring about what other people think of you, think to yourself what
is the worst thing that can happen here.
So, let’s say you want to take some dance classes, you’ve been going to the country
western bar, you’re tired of sitting over on the side watching all the other guys dance
with the ladies.
Or maybe you’re in the ballroom dancing, you’ve never done anything like this.
You’re really worried you’re going to show up there and make a complete fool of
yourself.
And, this is the thing, our imaginations go wild with all the disasters that can happen
which seem to never happen.
Human beings have a natural tendency to over emphasize the negative.
This has actually helped us survive and it’s something if you think the vast majority of
a person’s thoughts have been shown by science to actually be negative.
But, when you realized you’re not your thoughts, you are the actions that you take, all of
a sudden you realize, okay, worst case scenario, I mess up a bit, but you know what?
It is worth the win, it is worth the reward.
Now, gents, if you take nothing else from this video, I want you to take this one point
and that is people the way that they see you the way they react to you is a reflection
of them.
We all are different.
All of us have a different viewpoint, we’re looking at things from a different angle and
so we see things very differently.
And so, whenever you’re changing things up, when you’re trying to improve your style,
when you’re trying to improve the way that your, you know, the skills you’re picking
up, understand that some people are going to view that in a negative way.
That’s just naturally where they’re at they’re going to view almost everything
in a negative way.
Point is when you understand that it’s not really about you, it’s about them when they’re
spouting their opinion when they’re throwing out why they don’t like this or why they
love it, all of a sudden you realize, okay, I want to surround myself with people that
in general are positive.
Of course, you want some people that are going to be able to give you constructive critical
feedback and that’s very different than people that just attack for no reason those
people in a dark alone place.
You know I just feel bad for them.
And, understand that they are out there.
So, remember, gents, to focus in on not the things that you can’t control such as someone’s
opinion, but the things that you can control – yourself, the direction, your bearing,
and then the steps the actions you take every day to go in that direction.
Now, this next tip is really powerful, and basically you need to time travel, you need
to go into the future and imagine how would my future self looking at the decision I’m
about to make, what would they tell me to do.
And this one right here it’s going to – it is going to point you in the right directions
especially if you’ve got a good vision of where you want to be.
[0:05:00] Let’s say you want to be a published author
within a year and you got a decision tonight, do you go out and party with your friends,
that means you guys are going to be out for six hours having great time, but you will
be recovering all day tomorrow or do you stay in and you spend four to five hours tonight
working on that book.
And you wake up first thing tomorrow morning and you spend another four to five hours.
You know this is what you want to do, but want to justify going out with your friends,
but what is your future self saying?
You know what they’re going to say.
They’re going to say, hey, if you want to be like me, you want to be this published
author, you’ve got to sacrifice at this point.
Yes, there will be plenty of time later to party and to have fun.
Consult your future self, what would they tell you to do because perhaps you have worked
too hard, perhaps you do need to go spend more time with your family.
But, I’m not saying don’t go out and party, but what I am saying is make sure to consult
with that man you know yourself to be in the future and, yeah, get a little bit of advice,
a little bit of feedback.
And now, let’s talk about knowing your why.
So, I talked about that man in the future, the man you know yourself to be.
You’re may be a couple of years out, maybe you are ten years out from this person, but
how does he dress?
How does he act?
What thoughts go through his head?
How does he eat?
This is where when you understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, you’re going
to have the strength to do it because you’re going to face obstacles every single day every
single week every single month.
Our brains want to rationalize us to make bead decisions.
We’re oftentimes surrounded by people who love us, who want to support us, but they
also want us to go with them to do these things, they want to pull us away from our goals not
necessarily knowing that they’re actually doing it.
And here’s the thing, when you know your why, you know what you stand for, you have
a clear vision of where you want to be, all of a sudden, it’s much easier to go in that
direction.
There’s a story about a man lost out in the snow and he’s prancing he’s walking
circles because he can see his own steps.
What he does is he picks a point out there in the direction.
This is basically it helps him set his bearing and he’s able to walk a straight path in
the snow in the direction.
Of course, hills are going to throw you off, you’re going to occasionally lose your bearing.
But, if you’ve got that North Star if you have that vision of what you’re shooting
for.
For me, I know I’ve got a home that I want to build for my family kind of like a little
bit of a compound a fortress and, yes, with a lot of land and this keeps me going.
When I know I want to put in the extra hours, when I’m trying to work on that project
because I know I want to make a little bit more money to be able to monetize that, so
that I can put money away and become the patriarch that my great great grandkids are going to
talk about.
Things like that get me excited and I know that that’s one of my big drivers.
Of course, I got smaller goals and I’ve got tons of the stuff laid out, but it’s
very crystal clear on the direction I’m taking.
And some mornings it’s more crystal clearer than others, so I do try to take that time
to think.
But, when you understand your why, you’re able to go in the right direction.
So, what to watch next?
How about a great foundation video on the three things that matter - fit, fabric, and
function?
Checkout my style pyramid video right here, guys, a great foundation video every man needs
to watch.
Or maybe you want to learn how to take twelve pieces of clothing and get over a hundred
outfits from it.
Yes, gentlemen, this is the power of the interchangeable wardrobe.
Basically, you understand this you master this, you’ll be able to walk into your closet
blindfolded, get dressed, and still look good.
[0:08:21] End of audio