Dunkey: I already know which animal you're gonna pick.
Pbat: No, I'm not going to pick the monkey.
[Dunkey chuckles]
Dunkey: You gunna pick the chicken.
[Dunkey and Pbat Laugh]
GLaDOS: Orange, please use your Ping tool to select your favorite element from the Periodic Table.
Pbat: Why do I have to get an element-you got a cool one.
Pbat: I get a fuckin, Dunkey: What's your favourite element?
Pbat: Um, I don't even know what this one is, i'm gonna pick it.
Dunkey: I fuckin' hate you.
Pbat: Which one is this? Dunkey: That is low, That is, low.
Dunkey: You think you know a guy..
Pbat: Jay!
Pbat: JAY
Dunkey: What?
What
Pbat: Keep it open!
Dunkey: It is!
Pbat: Keep it-
Pbat: Keep it!
Pbat: Stand on it, and don't move.
Pbat: Stand on it.
Dunkey: It is open.
Pbat: Stand on it don't move
Pbat: Stand on it and don't move!
Dunkey: I am.
[Dunkey and Pbat laugh]
[Dunkey and Pbat laughs]
Pbat: Oh I have to pass it to you.
Pbat: Oh i have the passage key
Dunkey: I don't want that.
I don't want that.
Dunkey: Get that shit outta my face.
Get that shit outta my face.
Pbat: No, don't leave it here and run away, take it. Dunkey: I don't want that fucking piece of shit.
Pbat: No don't put-I don't want it
Dunkey: I don't fucking want this piece of shit.
Pbat: Put it back in the fucking thing!
Pbat: PUT IT BACK ON THE FUCKING THING PUT IT ON THE SLOT
Pbat: Put it on the slot!
Dunkey: What do i look like?
Pbat: Give me the ball.
Pbat: Gimmie the ball, er, the ba- the cu-
Pbat: Er, the ba- the cu-
Dunkey: Here's the ball.
Here's the ball
Pbat: Fuck off.
Dunkey: Alright, if we put our heads together!
Pbat: If we cooperate!
Pbat: If we corporate like a team
Pbat: Like a team!
We can beat this game
Dunkey: We can beat this game.
[Cooperation Intensifies] [And button beeping]
[Cooperation Intensifies]
Dunkey: Fuc-
Pbat: Fuck
Pbat: Uh.
Pbat: uh
Pbat: Open.
Dunkey: Wait.
wait
Dunkey: You go.
Pbat: Okay.
Pbat: ok
Pbat: You are a...
Pbat: YOU ARE A
Pbat: ...fucking... Dunkey: Wait, no, no.
*ded*
[Wheeze] Pbat: Oh-!
[Dunkey cracks up] Pbat: You are so-!
Pbat: Alright, go.
Pbat: Alright go.
Pbat: I'm not gonna do it, I'm not you. Dunkey: NO!
Pbat: I'm not you. Dunkey: You are gonna do it!
Pbat: I'm not gonna do it, I'm not you-
Pbat: I'm not gonna do it
Pbat: I'm not you.
Dunkey: You piece of shit. Pbat: Fuck!
Pbat: FUCK!
Pbat: Dammit, I-
Pbat: Oh, you gotta put a portal in the...
Pbat: oh you gotta put portal in the
Pbat: I think you gotta...
Pbat: Okay, so both of us- Dunkey: Alright.
Dunkey: No, wait, no, go through.
wait no go threw
Dunkey: Yeah.
Dunkey: No, no nononono.
Pbat: You can't fucking do tha- aw
Pbat: You can't fucking do tha- aw shit-
Yeah, I don't think you can actually kill me with it.
Pbat: You know i don't think you can actually kill me with it.
Dunkey: That's stupid.
Pbat: I think you can just hurt me.
[Wheeze] Pbat: Oh-!
Dunkey: I don't know what the fuck this game is man, this is too hard.
Dunkey: Let's go play Rugrats.
Pbat: What's that one game that had like a 128 player co-op?
Pbat: Like that war game?
Dunkey: Mag.
Pbat: M-A-G.
Dunkey: Mag.
Pbat: Didn't it stand for something that like, was like, about the fucking gimmick?
Pbat: It was like massive, amazing, game. Or something
[Giggles]
Pbat: Too good.
Pbat: Uhm.
Pbat: Alright, you have to go in there. Dunkey: Oh this is gonna be good.
Dunkey: Here I'll try to guide you through.
Pbat: You have- you have to understand, under no circumstances.
Pbat: When I walk across this thing can you step on that button, okay?
Dunkey: I won't.
Pbat: You understand that- Dunkey: You know that I won't.
Pbat: That will kill me.
Dunkey: Okay.
Dunkey: This one?
Pbat: Yeah that one, don't step on that one when I walk through.
Dunkey: Okay.
Dunkey: Go on through.
Pbat: Wha- what what will happen if I- if you step on that one while I'm walking through Jay?
Dunkey: Uh (prolonged).
Dunkey: You die.
Pbat: It'll kill me... Yeah- Dunkey: It'll kill you.
Dunkey: Okay.
Pbat: So you're not, what are you gonna not do?
Dunkey: I'm not gonna hit this button.
Pbat: (in disbelief) Okay I'm walking through.
Dunkey: Oh shit.
Dunkey: That kills you?
Pbat: Oh shit?
Pbat: I didn't know that was gonna kill you! Dunkey: Ooh shit, man my bad my bad.
Dunkey: You know the company who makes this?
Pbat: Valve?
Dunkey: They make uh, they made half-life.
Pbat: One blue portal there, and then the other one over there.
Pbat: And then i'll just set this to open up the...
Pbat: I'll just set this to open up this.
Dunkey: Okay, go through.
Pbat: Ha i'm not fucking stupid! I see where you put it!
Pbat: Put it there.
Pbat: Thank you.
Pbat: You fuck!
Pbat: For those who want to know what it's like to play with him.
Pbat: It actually gives you a physical stomach ache.
Pbat: Can you please go stand in the other room so I don't, so you don't switch it on me?
Dunkey: Like this?
Pbat: All the way!
Dunkey: Ok.
Dunkey: Fuck.
Pbat: You couldn't fuckin do it you piece of shit.
Pbat: Fuck you Jay.
Pbat: Insert dick.
Dunkey: Dion no.
Dunkey: Insert disc.
Pbat: You know what, I'll take one for the team put it in.
[Dunkey laughs] Dunkey: No!
Dunkey: Why are they making another Spider-man movie? Thats like-
Pbat: I think this one is gonna be good though the kid's cute.
[Dunkey laughs]
Pbat: I mean...
Pbat: Let's open that.
Pbat: Oh no, ok go across.
Dunkey: I know this.
Dunkey: If I go over here you're just gonna get off the button.
Pbat: No no no no no no no.
Dunkey: Ok.
Pbat: Is there any portal down there?
Dunkey: No.
Pbat: How about now?
Dunkey: God damn it.
[Dunkey giggles]
Dunkey: How could you betray me in this game?
Pbat: Jason, before we continue I got something I gotta tell you.
Pbat: So you know, me and you we've... we've been friends for what ten years now? it's kinda crazy.
Dunkey: Bye-bye.
Pbat: I spilling my heart out to you man!
Dunkey: Alright alright.
Pbat: Oh here we, alright alright.
Pbat: So what I was trying to say was we've been friends for like 10 years now, it's been a while.
Pbat: I just wanna let you know that, it's been a while-
Dunkey: Bye-bye.
Pbat: Ok lets just get this over with.
Dunkey: Remember Like Mike?
Dunkey: Get me out of this chair you idiot.
Pbat: Get me out of this chair you idiots!
Pbat: Oh! Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay!
Pbat: Did you, did you watch the show breaking bad?
Dunkey: Yeah.
Pbat: Do you remember uhm, that guy in breaking bad?
[Dunkey gasps]
Dunkey: Oh shit!
Pbat: That movie is a classic.
Pbat: Did you see Little BowWow's thing on Instagram?
Dunkey: What?
Pbat: He posted a picture of like a private jet.
Pbat: And he's like im headin out to the city man.
Pbat: And then an hour later on Twitter somebody posted a snap, on Snapchat of Lil' Bow.
Pbat: In like a United Airlines flight.
[Dunkey laughs]
Pbat: He's like "man this guy's on Instagram posting pic's of a private jet. He's on my flight with united Airlines!"
Pbat: Riding economy or something like that!
Dunkey: Woah!
Pbat: Okay.
Dunkey: There we go.
Pbat: Now Jason. Dunkey: What?
Pbat: Listen... Okay. Dunkey: Go grab the ball.
Dunkey: We got this!
Dunkey: I just have to stand on this button, that's all I gotta do.
Dunkey: I don't gotta press anything. Pbat: That's all you've gotta do.
Dunkey: There you go.
Dunkey: Just grab the ball!
Dunkey: Go on! [Dunkey laughs]
Pbat: I don't trust you!
Pbat: The moment I- The moment put my trust in you and I start moving, you're going to let go.
Dunkey: No!
[Pbat pants]
Dunkey: See?
Dunkey: Nothing to worry about.
Pbat: I wanted to at least get the ball up just so if you did fucking- NO!
Dunkey: Oh fuck.
Dunkey: Yeah we're gonna have to do that again.
Pbat: Are you going to be watching the emoji movie? Dunkey: Duh.
Dunkey: Which eomjis, are they from iPhone or Android?
Pbat: Like all emojis are on all major devices, because that's- they have to make sure that-
Dunkey: There's a lot of them on Skype though.
Pbat: Yeah but those aren't emojis, those are just Skype emotes.
Dunkey: What?! Those aren't gonna be in there?
Dunkey: Well I don't wanna see the emojis movie then
Pbat: Ahh, where are we going?
I know at some point I'm going to shoot you into this fan.
[Pbat sneezes] Pbat: Gotcha.
[Pbat sneezes] Pbat: Now you've gotta look for-
[Pbat sneezes]
Pbat: You've gotta look for... Oh wait.
Pbat: You've gotta- [Pbat sneezes]
Pbat: You gotta like- [Laughing]
[Laughing]
Pbat: I'm good at grabbing balls.
Dunkey: Gimmie that ball.
Dunkey: Fuck! [Dunkey laughs]
Pbat: Idiot!
Dunkey: Timeout, timeout.
Dunkey: Let's talk strategy.
Dunkey: From here on out. Pbat: Okay.
Dunkey: I call the shots okay? Pbat: Yep.
Pbat: I... Don't know if that's a good idea Jay.
Dunkey: Give me the ball!
Dunkey: Woo!
Pbat: Yeah you can take it, I've just got to get you up there. [Dunkey laughs]
Dunkey: YEEEEEEE!
Pbat: I dont understand why you'd do that.
Pbat: Now...Walk through the yellow portal.
Dunkey: Now drop it in the water.
Pbat: Walk through the yellow portal.
Pbat: Dont you drop that ball!
Pbat: Dont you fucking drop the ball!
Pbat: Dont drop the ball. Please dont drop the ball. Dunkey: This way?
Pbat: Yes.
Pbat: No.
Pbat: Yes.
Pbat: No.
Pbat: Okay Jay. Im gonna die...oh wait no wait...
Dunkey: HYJAAAAAHH!
Pbat: ...wait. im gonna...
Pbat: I...you are so fucking.
Pbat: This is like playing with a fucking child.
Pbat: Where's that cube?
Dunkey: Its over here.
Pbat: Why did you get rid of it?
Dunkey: Somebody...uhh tossed it
Pbat: Wonder fucking who.
Dunkey: Probably dracula.
Pbat: You go left I'll go right.
Pbat: I...wait
Pbat: One of us is gonna need to go (prolonged).
Pbat: Oh my god.
Pbat: You're not getting it.
[Dunkey Chuckles]
Dunkey: Actually yes I am.
[Dunkey Wheeze]
Pbat: Oh my fucking-
Dunkey: Weeeeee.
Pbat: Are you fucking?
Dunkey: Slam dunk.
Dunkey: No!
Pbat: Thanks.
[Dunkey laughs]
Pbat: Come through my portal right there.
Dunkey: But I wont ask you what you're saying and then I take the crate.
Dunkey: Yeah.
Pbat: what the fuck?
[Laughing]
Dunkey: Yeah!
Pbat: No! [Laughing]
[Dunkey laughing]
Pbat: So...no. No no no.
Pbat: Don't come over here.
Pbat: You're not getting it from me.
[Footstep sounds]
Dunkey: Okay i walked it off.
Pbat: You walked away!
[Laughing]
GLaDOS: This was another test no-one had ever completed before you two.
Dunkey: Nobody had ever beaten it before us.
Pbat: So we're the first people.
Dunkey: We're the first people to beat this all the way.
Pbat: Millions of people have bought this game.
Dunkey: I know.
Pbat: And we... Somehow we're the first people. Dunkey: We're the first people.
Dunkey: GO AWAY!
Pbat: Put that fuckin shit down in the water. Dunkey: NO! NO!
Pbat: Put it down in the water!
Dunkey: GIVE ME HIM!
Pbat: Put it down in the water!
Dunkey: HE'S MY FRIEND!
Pbat: Put it down in the water!
Dunkey: NO!
Dunkey: KILL!
Pbat: No. No!
Pbat: Put him in the water!
Dunkey: NO!
Dunkey: NOOOO!
Dunkey: NOOOOOOOOO!
Dunkey: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
[Pbat laughing]
Pbat: Jason you have to let it go.
Pbat: He's dead okay?
Pbat: He's dead.
Dunkey: Where is he?
Pbat: He's dead.
Pbat: You have to let it go he's not coming back.
Pbat: You have to live without him Jay.
Dunkey: He's coming back.
Pbat: He's not coming.
Pbat: Look, there's more.
Dunkey: Oh, hey guys!
[Dunkey screems]
[Portal 2 Menu Theme]