Ladies and gentlemen, reporting live from a secret location.
It's Ronnie. And I'm here today to report on some men's names.
Did you know that common men's names are actually nouns? Or
verbs; sometimes an adjective. So, maybe you want to choose an
English name, or you want to choose a name that's not an
English name, but you want to rename yourself. Be careful.
There are some doozies. Which means there are some dangerous
names you have to be careful about. So, this thing that I'm
holding, it is a microphone. Yes, it is. It is a microphone.
Yeah, it is. Believe me. And in the short-form, we call it a
"mike". Oh, hold on. Hold on. That is also the short-form of a
man's name: "Michael". So, "Michael" is a super-⁠common
name in Canada and North America for English-speaking people, and
Ireland. All over the English-speaking world, there...
you will meet lots of Michaels, but I would say about 42% of
them go by: "Mike". So, this microphone is spelt: "m–⁠i–⁠c",
but the person's name: "Michael" is shortened to "M–⁠i–⁠k–⁠e",
which is "Mike" because we don't say the "e". So, this
microphone, his name is Mike. Nice to meet you, Mike.
Another guy — one of my good friends — he hangs out in my
bathroom. This is... hold on, let me put Mike down. Mike, hold
on. Hold on, Mike; I'll pick you up in a second. This is a
bathmat. It's actually a pelican bathmat, but there's a man's
name called: "Matt". Again, it's the short-form for: "Matthew".
But most people shorten their names and call them: "Matt". So,
"mat" can also be, like, a bathmat. Oh, Matt's funny, isn't
he? "Phil". Yeah. I knew a guy named: "Phil McCracken". He was
an Irish guy. His real name was: "Philip", but we just call him:
"Phil" because it's a short-form. So: "P–⁠h–⁠i–⁠l".
Remember the "P–h"⁠ makes an "F" sound. So, we have a verb:
"fill", so you can "fill" something — it means you put
something else in it to make it whole. Oh, Ronnie. So, for
example, you can fill a hole with dirt. You can fill a coffee
cup with coffee. So, if you "fill" something — as a verb —
it means you're putting something inside of it to make
it whole again. Oh. "Robert", "Bobby", "Rob", "Robbie". In the
short-form, we have: "Rob". Hold on, that's a verb. So, if I
steal something, I can also "rob" something. It's a verb.
Don't steal Mike, though; he's really important to this. Do you
like going to art galleries? Did you know that: "Art" was also a
man's name? It's a short-form for: "Arthur". Is your name:
"Arthur"? Hi, Arthur. How you doing? Hey, Art. So, it could be
funny. Make a joke about that later, maybe. "Russell". Ah,
Russell Crowe. Oh, hold on. That's super funny because a
"crow" is a bird, and the famous actor, Russell Crowe. Oh! The
spelling is different. But "rustle" as a verb means to make
noise. So, I can rustle a mat. It doesn't work. I can rustle
paper. If I rustle paper, it makes a sound like this. So,
that's the rustling of paper. We usually use it for leaves. As
you walk, there's the rustle of leaves in the autumn day. Aw.
Mike, you like that, don't ya?
"Cliff". "Cliff", "Clifford". "Clifford" is the... the formal
name and most guys go by: "Cliff". "Cliff" is a noun and
it's something... take a short walk off a long "cliff", or
something like that. "Cliff" is basically the edge where the
ocean meets the land and it's a huge hill. So, if you walk off a
"cliff", you're probably going to die. You will see movies
where people throw themselves off a "cliff". But not the man;
the high mountain by the edge of the water. "Jim". Oh, such a
popular name. "James" is the longform of the name. You get:
"Jim", you get: "Jimmy", but did you go to "gym" class? Not Jim's
class. Or did you hang out in the "gymnasium"? Oh, guess what?
We shorten that; instead of saying: "gymnasium" — so long —
we just use the word: "gym". The spelling is different. Watch
out. Okay? This is: "J–⁠i–⁠m", and this is: "g–y–m"⁠.
"J–⁠i–⁠m". So, again, we know how tricky spelling is in
English; just be careful. So, "gym" is a noun. "Doug". Do you
have a problem remembering the past, simple past, the verbs?
Guess what? The simple past of the word: "dig" is: "dug".
"Doug" is also a man's name. Hi, Doug. You know how I always tell
you that English spelling is a little crazy? The past tense is
spelt: "d–⁠u–g⁠". But the name is "D–⁠o–⁠u–⁠g. So, we don't
actually say the "o"; we don't say: "Doug". Hi, my name is
"Doug". "My name is Doug". I'm just the past tense of "dig" —
"d–⁠i–⁠g"; past tense: "d–u–⁠g". "I'm Doug". Dig, Doug. "Stu".
Okay. The formal name or the long name is: "Stuart". It's a
very Scottish name. "Stewie", "Stuart". And: "stew",
"s–⁠t–⁠e–⁠w" is actually a very delicious thick soup. In the
winter time... Oh, in the summertime, too — we would have
"stew". It's basically a meal with vegetables, some kind of
sauce, and meat in a big container. The difference
between "stew" and "soup" — I know you're asking — is "soup"
has a lot more water. So, "stew" is, again, very, very thick
soup. It's delicious.
Next up... Uh-oh. Be careful. This is where it gets funny.
There's a really famous singer called: "Harry Styles". "Harry"
I guess is a short-form for "Harold", if you will, or some
people are just named Harry. If we look at the spelling as an
adjective... These are homophones, so this means the
two words have the exact same pronunciation. The man's name
is: "H–⁠a–⁠r–⁠r–⁠y", but the adjective for someone that has a
lot of hair, usually on their back or their armpits — not too
attractive; unless you're into that — is: "h–a–i–⁠r–y"⁠⁠. So,
it's describing something that has a lot of hair. My Mom is
"hairy". She's not, actually. Sorry, Mom. "Dick". What?
Ronnie. "Dick". Yes, "Dick". Yep, it's a man's name. Mm-hmm.
I told you: Short for Richard. But also, it can be the part of
a man. Women don't have this part; men do — it's called a
"dick"; "penis". Yes. But the spelling is: "d–⁠i–⁠c–⁠k" — it's
the same. Ah, so please, if your last name is Dick, I would
caution naming your son: "Harry", because at school, he
could get teased; he could be called: "Harry Dick". Or even if
your first name is Richard and your last name is Harry, you
could have attendance called and still be "Harry Dick", so please
be careful with that one. Mm-hmm. Or name your kid that,
and good luck with that kid's ego. No, don't do that. No.
"John". "John", I don't know how we got this word, but it's a
very common name — "John", "Jonathan", "Johnny" — it... for
somehow, to us, is a toilet. I guess I should have looked that
up and figured out why. But: "I have to go to the john." And
you're like: "the John, who? But John's house?" No, just: "the
john". That means: "I have to go to the washroom." Okay? Also, we
have portable toilets, and those are called "Johnny on the Spot".
I don't know if that's funny yet. Okay.
"Bill". Oh, everyone hates "bills", but "Bill" not a bad
guy — "William" is his long... his word... Blah. "William" is
his long name, and he just gets "Bill" for short. But we hate
"bills" because, as the noun, they're the things that we get
and we have to pay. So, I have a "bill" for my phone, a "bill"
for my internet usage. If you go to the restaurant and you eat...
I hope you go to the restaurant and eat — that's the purpose —
you're going to get a "bill" at the end of the meal. And that's
what you have to pay for your delicious, overpriced food. You
ask. You actually ask for it, you're like: "Can I have the
bill?" and Bill's like: "Me?" the whole time. No. The bill;
not Bill. "Mark". This is weird; "mark's" a verb. It's a very
common first name for a man: "Mark"; usually not a woman. And
interesting, doing the research, there weren't a lot of ladies'
names that were fun like this, because ladies are usually named
after flowers. "Lily", "Rose", "Violet". These are kind of
older names. Or herbs: "Rosemary". Hmm. So, we're just
beautiful, little flowers; but men are, like, verbs and crazy
things. "Mark", because I'm a teacher... Did you know I'm a
teacher? What I have to do sometimes is I have to "mark
papers". So, students will give me assignments, and I have to
"mark" them. That means I go: "Oh, yeah! Good job!" or "Oh,
that's terrible." So, if I "mark" something as a verb, it
means that I correct it. I tell you if it's right or wrong. So,
things that can be right or wrong — I'm going to get into
some jokes just because it's so funny. So, please don't laugh at
these jokes — okay? — they're not meant to be funny. Jokes are
never funny. And, Mike, you're getting too heavy for me, buddy.
I have to put you down, here. Ah, Mike. Wow. So, all of these
words, as I've told you, are also nouns, or verbs, or
adjectives.
So, first joke, this guy: "Matt". What do you call a man
who's always lying down at your front door? "Matt". His name's
"Matt". Yeah, I know. Stop laughing so much. Okay? Mike.
Yeah, this is just this. I don't have a joke about Mike. Sorry,
Mike. Oh, that's okay. Good. I know. I know. Okay. Now, this
one: What do you call a guy hanging out, making noise in a
pile of leaves? He's moving around a lot. His name is
"Russell", because the leaves "rustle". Now, if I have to
explain these to you, it's not going to be fun anymore. We do
have some female names. The French name, I, as assume. What
do you call a lady who likes to burn her bills? French name;
starts with a "B". "Bernadette" Because a "debt" means you have
to pay money, so "burn a debt" — you're burning your debt. Funny.
It is really funny. It's really funny. It's really funny. What
do you call a guy — okay? — and he always has seagulls on the
side of his head? Flying around; probably poo on him. His name's
"Cliff". Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A man who has, instead of a regular
head, he has a shovel. A "shovel" is used for digging.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Remember I told you this? It's used for digging,
but instead of a head, he has a shovel — his name is "Doug".
Mm-hmm. And then, magically, he lost his shovel, so he no longer
has a shovel for his head. Do you know what he becomes? He
becomes "Douglas". Because... it's a play on the word: "less".
So, a man with the shovel, his head is "dug", past; and then
without the shovel is "dug-less". Mike, help me out
here, man. These... these are... these are pretty... pretty...
pretty terrible.
What do you call a guy who's always stealing stuff? You know,
you just go someplace and he's taking your mike, and he's
taking your mat. His name's "Rob". Yeah, I don't really have
any Rob friends because I think they're just thieves. Yeah. What
do you call a guy sitting in a big pot of hot water? "Stu".
Yeah, his name's "Stu" because he's stewing in the pot, and
he's... someone's going to eat him. Yeah. And last one. Two.
Oh, I've got two more. Okay. What do you call a guy that's
hanging on your wall? All right. He's just hanging out in the
wall. Mm-hmm. And people look and go: "Wow. Oo, I don't know.
What do you think?" His name's "Art". Mm-hmm. And my Dad. What
do you call a guy who fixes potholes? Now, "potholes" have
nothing to do with pots or pot. But a "pothole" is a big hole in
the road when you're driving. So, you drive: "Kablam" — "Oh! I
hit a pothole." That guy, the guy that... that puts more dirt
in the potholes, his name's "Phil". Mm-hmm. And he's a
pretty good guy. Yeah. But that's all. So, I hope you
really enjoyed the jokes because they're so funny, and I just die
hearing them. They're so funny. And, yeah, enjoy.