Do you want to write a Star Wars story?
It is your destiny.
I will guide you in the ways of Star Wars style story telling, my young apprentice.
Let us begin with a transition screen wipe.
Now Star Wars plots range from insultingly simple to unnecessarily complicated.
However, since the Star Wars franchise is now owned by a huge corporation, the only
option is to abandon any attempt at innovation and stick to what works.
This means that any new Star Wars plot should resemble something from episodes 4, 5, or
6.
This makes things easy since we only have two possible plots!
Evil empire builds superweapon or evil empire chases princess.
Don't worry about having to choose between them when we can have both!
Now some may point out that the Empire is foolish for building super weapons since every
Death Star and Starkiller base built has yet to survive even a single battle.
Never mind they could build enough nuclear missiles to sterilize every planet in the
galaxy at a fraction of the cost of a single death star.
So let's just ignore this fact, just like the Empire does!
With our plot underway, we need a setting.
Since Star Wars takes place in a massive galaxy full of possibilities, we have a huge amount
of creative freedom to... ha ha ha.
Just kidding.
Let's stick with what's safe and what is safe is simply revisiting planets from episodes
4, 5, and 6.
We don't want to get out of fan's comfort zone while ruthlessly exploiting their nostalgia.
If one is feeling creative, then it is okay to make a new planet, but it has to adhere
to one critical rule: planets in Star Wars have only one biome.
It is important to ignore the only current model we have for life bearing planets: Earth
with its biodiversity, variety of environmental conditions, and numerous biomes.
“I have a bad feeling about this.” is what any writer would say, but don't worry.
We just need to stick with the main theme of Star Wars.
On first glance, the themes of Star Wars seem obvious; the mystery and power of the Force
and how it binds all living things together in harmony.
How it guides us, but also has a dark side that feeds upon negative emotions symbolically
standing in for the yin-yang nature of good and evil.
Then there is the ever present theme of nature triumphing over technology, like how Luke
only makes the shot on the Death Star exhaust port by ignoring the targeting computer, or
how the supremely technologicaly powerful empire is defeated by teddy bears with sticks.
Not to mention all of the thematic allusions to the hero's journey monomyth.
However, all of this completely wrong.
Star Wars has only one true theme that dominates every work within its universe.
Merchandising!
Every Star Wars film must include new droids, ships, and characters that can easily be turned
into action figures!
And that's just the beginning.
Then there is the tie in books, audio plays, television series, and comics.
Not to mention all of the video games, shirts, coffee mugs, posters, and um... specialized
dolls!
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Let's finish the story first.
This shouldn't take too long.
Just stick to one or both plots I mentioned earlier.
Don’t worry about plot holes.
We can just fill those with the Force!
Easy!
After we have slapped together the plot, we need to write the dialog.
I don't like star wars dialog.
It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
But don't worry!
You have the high ground.
You have the POWER!
ULIMITED POWER to not worry about the dialogue at all since I am sure the editor and director
will ignore it and edit in more action scenes instead.
It's almost like the writing is treated as the least important part of a Star Wars movie!
And that's the kind of attitude a writer needs to write a Star Wars story.
I am sorry J.P. Beaubien.
It seems in your rush to get this video out, that you have forgotten one important Star
Wars cliché.
DO NOT WANT!