For many divorced individuals, the difficulties of co-parenting may become overwhelming.
This is particularly true for people who have ended their relationship with a narcissist.
The experience itself may be very painful, depending on how the other side perceives themselves.
There are strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist.
In this video, we'll discuss several strategies for safely co-parenting with a narcissist.
Make sure to watch until number 1 because it’s mind-blowing.
Number 10: Get a custody agreement.
One approach to simplify the procedure is to get a custody agreement, which can be done with the assistance of a lawyer.
If your ex-partner tries to manipulate the situation in order to gain greater influence, the legal system may assist you in stopping this.
A custody agreement should detail the child's visitation schedule with each parent.
It should provide the child's whereabouts on a daily basis, including holidays.
Parents should work closely together to protect their child's interests.
Joint physical custody is when children live with both parents for an extended period of time; certain jurisdictions demand a particular amount of parenting timeshare to qualify as joint physical custody.
Sole custody means that one parent has physical and legal custody of the child; joint custody means that both parents have access to the child.
Once your agreement has been submitted and approved by the judge, it becomes a court order.
This implies you can take the other parent to court if they breach it.
Number 9: Maintain your agreed upon parenting schedules.
Once you've documented your legal agreements about parenting schedules, it's critical to adhere to them.
Develop a timetable that divides custody of the children between you and your ex-partner on particular days and holidays.
After your divorce is finalized and your plan is established, you are left with the responsibility of implementing the framework you and your ex agreed upon.
Naturally, this is far more difficult if your ex is a narcissist.
When a narcissist feels condemned or reprimanded, their narcissistic behavior may really manifest, leaving you with a rather restricted toolset.
The easiest thing you can do is depend on strong positive reinforcement whenever your ex follows the plan, even if it is tough.
Bear in mind that the narcissist is dependent on affirmation, and knowing that collaborating with you is a certain method to get it may be a powerful motivator.
Meanwhile, ensure that you record it every time they make a mistake.
When positive reinforcement fails, legal action may be necessary.
If you've been through a traumatic divorce, you understand that this is a last resort.
The trick is to avoid using this as a threat until you're really prepared to act since narcissists have a tendency to act out when threatened.
Number 8: Limit contact with narcissists when talking to them.
When it comes to a narcissist's thinking, they see themselves as superior to everyone else.
Limit your personal engagement with them as much as possible by communicating with them through messaging applications and emails rather than interacting with them personally.
Narcissists thrive on the responses they get from others, whether positive or negative.
Establishing limits enables you to minimize your ex's power to enrage you.
For instance, you may propose that you converse only by text or email.
This way, you'll have time to reply to requests and other messages that come your way.
Additionally, it assists you with documentation.
These limits may also apply to your ex’s partner.
Consider establishing precise times for your ex to phone and talk with your child during visitations if your court-ordered arrangement permits.
Additionally, stick to your guns.
While the narcissist may first resist having limits established, you will discover that they are vital and helpful over time.
Number 7: Set boundaries and keep them.
Another component of co-parenting with a narcissist is establishing and enforcing limits as necessary.
Any remarks made regarding your parenting abilities or other personal assaults should be disregarded.
When communicating with your ex, be succinct, knowledgeable, courteous, and firm, and never confess to making a mistake.
Establish boundaries around your house; do not let your ex in, as they will bring their venom!
Teach and model for your children both social and emotional intelligence.
Encourage their uniqueness and freedom.
Number 6: If your child is taken care of by a guardian ad litem, try to make a good impression on them.
A guardian ad litem, or GAL, is an independent third party who is entrusted with the care of your children while you are occupied with possible legal challenges involving you or your ex-partner.
Whether assigned by a court or requested, this individual may be a tremendous asset when dealing with narcissistic ex-partners.
Make an attempt to win them over by making a good impression.
In divorce or child custody matters, the court appoints a guardian ad litem, or GAL, to serve as a neutral third party.
Because they perform an investigation prior to presenting their findings to the court, a GAL's recommendations hold substantial weight with the court.
Because the child is not the intermediary between you and the GAL, avoid pressuring them to behave differently than they typically would.
The more typical and stress-free the environment is for the children, the more likely things will go well.
If you want assistance in explaining some matters, consult with your attorney beforehand.
They can assist you in communicating your side of the story more effectively.
You are liable for the GAL's charges, therefore arrange a payment plan if necessary.
The greatest course of action in a custody dispute is to confess your need for assistance.
You must locate an expert family lawyer who is familiar with GAL investigations.
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Number 5: Keep tabs on the mental health of your child.
Children can be impacted by high-stress circumstances, picking up on their parents' habits.
A kid may feel guilty over their parent's disagreement, or they may be the focus of your ex-narcissistic partner's characteristics.
Communicate with your child.
Assist them in comprehending their other parent's actions.
Make it suitable for the child's age.
Teach children that the behavior of their other parent is about the parent, not about them.
Be careful with your words.
Make an effort not to speak negatively about the other parent.
Consider non-verbal communication, conversing with friends and relatives in earshot, and comparing your child to your narcissistic ex.
Keep an eye out for symptoms of abuse.
Keep an eye out for anything that borders on physical, sexual, or emotional abuse.
As a parent, maintain a healthy lifestyle.
While you cannot control how your former spouse raises your child, you can compensate with excellent parenting by being a good role model.
Number 4: Be the better parent in your situation.
By understanding how children are impacted by their surroundings, you can assist them in developing positive habits by setting a positive example.
Demonstrate to your children appropriate responses to events and how to do the right thing.
Narcissistic characteristics such as a lack of respect, incessant criticism, blaming, and trash-talking, are diametrically opposed to the abilities necessary to establish a healthy co-parenting relationship.
Therefore, while co-parenting in the classic sense is not a possibility, consider it a kind of parallel parenting.
As a good parent, you MUST rise above the problems that come with co-parenting with a narcissist and prioritize your children's emotions.
Maintain your Zen — be calm, collected, and composed.
Be the cause for your children's serenity.
Number 3: Avoid having an emotional conflict around your children.
Ensure that any verbal disagreements are kept out of earshot of your children.
Avoid involving your children in any disagreements and keep matters between the two of you.
Additionally, never employ your children as negotiators in your conversations.
Adults that are anxious end up raising anxious youngsters.
Those who pledge to be calm, polite, and emotionless with stability and consistency offer children a sense of security, shielding them from subtle psychological harm.
The persistent emotional manipulation of a narcissist might be more detrimental to a child's growth and development than physical abuse.
Children flourish when they are raised on a dependable foundation of unconditional love from a single stable parent.
By expecting respect and cooperation, the insecure narcissist weaponizes parenthood.
Demonstrate to your children that you earn, not demand, their respect.
Create a secure sanctuary in your house.
Number 2: Consider therapy and counseling.
Dealing with a narcissist has the potential to be detrimental to anyone's mental health.
Numerous mental health professionals are trained specifically to deal with the unique circumstances surrounding divorce.
Consider this for your children as well, particularly if you've observed your youngster struggling to cope with their surroundings.
Your children will need it.
Living with a narcissist of any sort can be detrimental to one's sense of self.
Consider what it would be like to be raised by one.
A skilled therapist can assist in lessening the heinous effect that a narcissistic parent has on your children's mental wellbeing.
Encourage them to see a counselor once a week, if feasible, for as long as they require...which may be far into adulthood.
Consider treatment as a kind of damage control; the sooner you begin, the better.
Consider online treatment services if time, money, or finding the correct therapist for your child are constraints.
Choose a qualified therapist and connect whenever and wherever it is convenient for you (by phone, video, or chat).
Additionally, it is much easier to persuade your child to speak with a therapist electronically than it is to attend an in-person appointment.
Number 1: Take care of yourself during these difficult times.
Having a healthy lifestyle, exercising, and maintaining a stable mental state are critical for every parent.
Take care of yourself and strive to be the greatest possible caregiver for your children.
Seek out whatever assistance you can, and locate the support group you need.
Additionally, seek out treatment for yourself.
When you are in the thick of a storm, your attention is concentrated on surviving it, and it is difficult to realize how a broken relationship might have long-term consequences for you.
Taking care of your own needs and emotions can also help you be a more effective parent for your child.
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