He says, Hi Tripp, I recently came across your podcast and it's been extremely helpful
and has already done wonders for me in approaching women, getting numbers, and getting dates.
Awesome. I am recently divorced only a few months, my wife sprung it on me out of nowhere with papers
ready and things move very quickly. My question for you pertains to the recency of my divorce.
When I tell them that I've been divorced for a couple of months, they say, "I've been divorced
for X number of years. You're not ready for anything serious." They are right. I was with my
ex wife for 20 years. I am not ready to jump back into anything serious at this point. I'm caught
in a catch-22. I can't move on from my ex until time has passed. How do I handle the recency of
divorce issues? Am I stuck just sitting around alone for a few years without companionship or
physical intimacy until my divorce is more dated? Thanks for any help you can offer? Great question.
I work with a tremendous amount of guys who are going through divorce and I help coach them.
A lot of guys sign up for the coaching program and you can do that at Coached By Tripp.com. Also,
before I answer this question, I know I left something out. If you want to join Tripp's Corner,
my private Facebook group, you can, like I said, get any of the courses or coaching. I'll put links
to all of those in the show notes. If you want to get my Hooked program, or if you want to jump
into coaching, all those links are in the show notes. T, back to you. I have some great advice.
First of all, I understand you're in a catch-22, it feels weird. It's like well, to move on from
your ex, you need to meet other women, but other women won't date you because you are
too recently divorced. I believe there's a middle ground. First of all, you said
something that really sticks out. You said to me right here that you are not ready to move on.
That was your words, "I'm not ready to jump back into anything serious at this point." What you're
doing is you're looking for what's called... I guess we can call them loose relationships,
casual relationships, friends with benefits. I don't believe that's really going to do much
for you. I think that when you start to sleep with women or date and it's not for something serious,
just to get over your ex, and have this rebound situation, I believe it's going to hurt more
than it's going to help. I've heard it before, I've heard a lot of guys who end up feeling even
more lonely after they just sleep with a woman to rebound. Things reminded them of their ex because
they're now recently getting into some sort of dating situation. It's been a few months for you.
You're not ready. I do not recommend that you go back out there and start dating. And guess what,
you don't need to go out there and meet a bunch of women to help this getting over your wife.
Of course, it does help in some senses. But it's it's a very quick fix that could lend itself,
like I said, to potentially more anxiety and depression, from what I've heard.
Here's what I would say, you have two options. One of course, I can't control what you do. You might
still go out and try to meet and date women. If you do, I wouldn't try to bring up your divorce.
If there's any way that you can. You don't have to lie about it. But maybe just don't bring it
up. Don't talk about it. That would be one thing so then you can at least get some chances at going
on more dates with these women. That's one idea. Like I said, I don't recommend that route. The
other route I would say is focus on you. You've been connected to a woman for so many years now.
You have been probably co-dependent because that naturally happens when you're in a long term
relationship or marriage. You become dependent on the other person for a lot of things that
you didn't even realize. And you need to learn how to be by yourself and love yourself again
and learn how to deal with the loneliness and deal with the pain. Without having someone else there.
A lot of people like to jump to another woman very quickly. I don't recommend that. Jump to yourself,
date yourself, find hobbies again. I'm not saying be alone. You can meet friends.
You can start making more friends. You can start learning new skills. Start crafting a relationship
with yourself. At the very beginning of this, it's going to be very hard. I will tell you right now,
this will not be easy. This will be very hard. However, there is a lightness that starts to
happen. You feel a little bit more light as you get used to the fact that you are on your own,
that you are able to create a life for yourself. You start to build self-esteem. It's really
incredible what happens and once you start working on all the different areas of your life
and having this new crafted relationship with yourself. And by the way, I've done this many
times. I've gone through breakups. And it's really hard and you start to feel lonely right
afterwards, like you are right now. And listen, I can't relate to you. I've not been married for 20
years. But at least I understand somewhat of what the pain you're feeling is and it might
take a lot longer for you, but it's going to be worth it. Don't jump back into anything serious
or not. Jump into yourself, learn how to be with yourself. And I want you to focus
on being an awesome guy without having to have any external validation from women or anyone else.
And this might take a year. So be it. It's gonna be hard, but you need to learn how
to be your own person. And then you'll be ready to get back in and do some dating,
whether it's for casual or for serious. That is my advice to you. T, I hope it helps.
I understand you're listening to this podcast and you've gotten so good at being able to approach
women get numbers and dates and all that stuff, but maybe it's time to take time for yourself.