Hey there, it's Clay with ModernLove.life And this is Relationship Inner Game.
Now, in this series of videos that I'm going to start with this video, we're going to be
specifically talking about how to connect with your ex on an emotional level.
Okay?
And specifically in this video we're going to be talking about how to get your ex to
talk to you again.
Now in order to really understand this, you need to understand why your ex is not talking
to you right now.
And the reason why they're not talking to you right now is because of something called
emotional reactance.
Now, I'm not going to go into exactly what that is right now because I've done that in
other videos, but basically it is them being resistant to opening up to connect with you
because they are afraid that you have a hidden agenda or that you have some sort of ulterior
motive.
And that the only reason you're contacting them or trying to talk to them or something
like that is just so that you can get back together with them.
And, yeah, you might want to get back together with them, but as long as you don't actually
care about their experience, then they're going to fight tooth and nail and resist you
every step of the way.
So in order to understand how to get your ex to talk to you, you need to be conscious
of this reactance thing and you need to be aware of the overall emotional tones that
are within the conversations or interactions that you're having with your ex.
You know, even if it's just over text message or even if it's just over email or something
like that, you know?
Yeah, it can be over the phone, it can be in person, it can be face to face, all of
that.
But really you have to be mindful of this emotional resistance towards interacting with
you.
This fear, this anxiety, this concern that you might have an ulterior motive or hidden
agenda.
And the best way that I know of to get your ex to start to talk to you again, is to really
just start by interacting with them in a casual sort of way.
Now oftentimes a lot of people will reach out or try to contact their ex in a way where
they might send one of these, you know, long tear stained letters with, you know, hey,
I just wanted you to know that I really love you and I've never stopped loving you and
I would never give up trying to get back together with you and I would wait until the end of
days for you to love me again.
Or you know, stuff like that.
I totally understand where you're coming from when you write something like that or when
you send something like that.
But when your ex receives something like that, they are going to be like, Whoa, what is going
on here?
I am not ready for this.
This is way too much, way too fast.
And so what the best thing for you to do is, is to simply just start out light and to simply
start interacting with them in a very casual, lighthearted sort of way.
And what the purpose of that is, is to really gauge where your ex is at on an emotional
level.
You know, are they really closed off to you?
Is that level of reactance extremely high?
Are they open to talking to you, but maybe they're a little bit hesitant or are they
just totally open and ready to talk to you without any reservation and it could be anywhere
in between and what you need to do once you actually know where they're at is then you
can meet them where they're at, right?
So maybe they're a little bit closed off, so you might go at them, you know, kind of
lighthearted and stuff like that, and then slowly start to unwind and open that emotional
interaction to that point, or if they're already open, then you can just meet them in that
emotional place right away.
And so that's really how you start to talk to your ex again.
Now if you're watching this video on youtube, what you can do is you can go down below into
the description and click on a link.
That'll take you over to our website called RelationshipInnerGame.com.
If you fill out a short little questionnaire, just basically telling me what is going on
with your relationship with your ex and all of that stuff, maybe some of the specifics.
It'll just take like 30 seconds.
I'll go ahead and start sending you tips and strategies and advice to help you get back
together with your ex based off of what you tell me.
If you're watching this video on our website, ModernLove.life, you can also go down and
click below and you'll be taken to a page.
That will tell you more about some of the interpersonal conversational skills that we
would love to teach you to help you connect with your ex on an emotional level.
Again, that is down below in the description whether you're on YouTube or on our website,
ModernLove.life.
Anyway, this has been Clay, and please go ahead and leave a comment down below about
what sorts of videos you'd like to see me make in the future.
Anyway, take care and I'll see you next time.