hello and welcome back to another episode of Sir Vey interviews adventurers
We're still settling on the title
today we will be interviewing greg the garlic farmer of honeywood
welcome him in
and here he is
it's great to be here
good to have you
hello
and welcome and congratulations on being selected at random
I'm Sir Vey - god of inquisition
hello
and uh you'll be here to answer some questions about your experiences as an adventurer
can't wait to start
yes for your participation i will of course be entering you into a prize draw
and then sending you back to where you came from with no recollection of what went on here at all
oh that's a shame
so firstly tell me what's your opinion of your adventuring party
ah well we get the job done
we go about it in - in - our own ways
uh there's a lot of fighting
there's a lot of uh disagreements
my job is to be at the front taking the damage doing the damage
Only because you chose that!
It's the most economical most practical way for a party to do it right
I don't necessarily agree with anything the others say or do but uh the the job tends to get done
why am i here why do i continue to hang out with these guys
i don't enjoy their company
some of them are a little more chaotic perhaps
a little bit more
oh yeah oh yeah
morally ambiguous in their...
absolutely
but you're you're of course the the the
straight and narrow
straight and narrow one
you'd never suggest murdering an old lady to cover your tracks
no?
what no
do we have to? We have to kill Pearl?
no i think we need i think we need to return the masks
you'd never suggest say murdering an old man so that you didn't have to pay him 15 gold
you have to cut his head off. Cut his head off
this is the worst birthday ever
oh what
tell me about poppy how did you come about creating her
I always wanted a sheep you know a metallic robot sheep
What if I build something that could burn things
yeah
and i i wonder to myself how can this sheep be useful in the party
I'll make it a flamethrower guys what do you guys thinking
I reckon a bazooka is probably going to be
Let's go bazooka
bob listen carefully okay poppy and i we're going to blast the giant back towards you
five feet all right
and when that happens you're gonna need to jump like dolphin like like this
what
and you can go right up his butt you're just gonna time it perfectly okay
or or?
oh yeah that's the third uh the the healing
poppy i choose you
let me do a quick inspirational speech for you
okay protection Poppy good job
okay
you created her and therefore wrote the manual though
yes yes it was right on the last page of the manual
so you forgot the page that you wrote
i have no recollection of the of that page
well sometimes when we are doing creative writing
it was a weird
inspired by muses and it's like oh this is coming
yeah i saw a butterfly on that last page and i
just wanted to chase after it so i quickly scribbled it down
there's nothing more creative than writing an instruction manual for a robot sheep
hmm
what's been your favorite part about being an adventurer
the respect
i i find when i walk into it into a new town people just look at you with respect
they go ah there's a man who can solve all of our town's problems
exactly yes you know
here's a hero
this is definitely not a man that would hang around with
people that would steal from our mask shop owner
who's struggling
no exactly yeah yeah
here's the plan i'm gonna send in a mirror image of myself to distract her
then we'll steal all the masks
people as someone who can help our town
yes y
ou notice that they're wanted posters uh with a description and face of each of them
a sly sneaky stealth stealthy elf
this man while charming and handsome
correct
is also a dangerous murderer
correct
and should not be trusted nor approached
correct
some farmer guy i guess you should leave him alone too if you feel like it
I tell you what something i like to do with my guests i give you a
hypothetical and you tell me how you might react in that situation
let's say your friends have abandoned you on one side of a crevasse in the wilderness
you're turning away - guys what
bye greg later mate
and you have to cross it to survive
no i don't want to sacrifice myself i'm not willing to do that
they'll sing songs about you
I know we'll never ever ever see you again greg
guys
what would you do
so i would get my rope which is a magical rope
of course is it a rope of climbing a rope of entanglement a rope of mending?
No matter what. What would a rope of climbing do I wonder?
i'll read the details on how this magic item works
i call her susan
susan the rope
Susan in the rope
I get susan and i i i lash her out across the canyon
you throw the rope across the other side of the crevasse?
right and of course this is a part of a multi-step process because a single rope getting across the
crevasse nobody would be stupid enough to try and sort of tight rope walk across that?
i'd jump
jump it?
yeah i'd just jump it
i'm jumping
and we're catching
no no hang on
what else do we got
what else have we got
we can't let him swing 50 feet into an ice wall
So you lash susan out
yeah
And then jump?
that didn't work and then i jumped it
please end this
please end this one
we've i struggled enough with this one before
yeah i feel like i'm done with this one
i see yes
yeah
Ello i'm alfie i'm a little
Oh Elfie i met that guy
I am a high elf i live high up in the tower
how did you find your love of acting?
you know something about pretending to be somebody else
it sort of tickled that same itch that pretending to be butterflies had always totaled too?
yes exactly
so um you are familiar with uh the wonderful high sorcerer Baradun of course
I know him
so Baradun has uh teleported into and out of hollywood many times now
but on recent occasion you've actually had the opportunity to experience portaling yourself
for a second time in most of your lives a millionth time for you
you feel that same sort of sucking uh sensation as you are being stretched out and then
elastic back into yourselves
what do you feel about teleportation
screaming pain
yes it takes some getting used to doesn't it
because your soul's being ripped out from your body and then your skin and bone and organs follow
it's this horrible process of being pulled apart and then smushed back together
i i wouldn't recommend it
yes well we're almost out of time and i will be teleporting you back
please god no
but before you go uh is there any particular prize you would
enjoy from this prize draw if you happen to be chosen
a really nice futon
a futon
would be great
wonderful i'll take that into consideration
this has been a pleasure
well that's all the time we have with greg farmer
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