[Music]
as a kid I wanted to be an astronaut my
mother always said that I took my first
steps on earth as Neil Armstrong took
his first steps on the moon so that
connection with an American hero
inspired my childhood fantasies
two-month blanket fort rocket often took
me where no man had gone before although
I never became a real astronaut whose
childhood adventures influenced the work
that I do today as an artist see Kirk
lets me catch that same sense of wonder
that I felt as a kid when I explored the
Stars people usually describe my art as
whimsical or playful or imaginative or
they say gives them a sense of childlike
curiosity but that's exactly how it
makes me feel however art isn't just a
hobby it's not even a choice it's
actually a matter of life and death I'll
explain see her allows me to harness all
of the colors and shapes and textures in
this world and use them to create
something meaningful because otherwise
they'll torment me Andry total havoc in
my life that's because I perceive the
world differently for most of you I have
a neurological condition called sensory
processing disorder or SPD which is also
one of the challenges of people who have
autism my brain responds to sensory
information in totally illogical ways
well there are some sensations that I'm
under responsive to like physical
pressure which can make it difficult to
know where my body is in space know it
weird tingling sensation you get when
your foot falls asleep
I kind of feel like that all the time
sometimes that my senses get mixed
together so the number four is always
royal blue to me just like Mondays the
challenging part of my disorder is how
my brain responds to sound and textures
and visual patterns details in the
environment that you don't even notice
can be overwhelming or even painful for
me have you ever seen that kid in the
grocery store who's having a complete
meltdown on the middle of the floor that
was me but it's not because my mom
wouldn't buy me Captain Crunch well not
usually anyway it was because every
voice and squeaky cart and footstep was
over amplified and sent lightning bolts
are not coming and I would get tunnel
vision because my brain couldn't process
all the different colors and shapes and
the fluorescent lights were more like
strobes at a disco and sometimes a room
would just suddenly start spinning like
a merry-go-round that wasn't so merry I
would get so discombobulated I couldn't
even speak getting ready for school
every day was just as traumatic it took
both of my parents to wrestle ha
flailing body into a dress which so more
like wearing a cactus my childhood was
riddled with chaos and misunderstanding
I knew that other people didn't struggle
like I did my parents never wrestled my
brother into a dress I didn't know why
all I knew was this world could be cruel
and I did not belong here so I hid in my
blanket fort rocket to escape into a
galaxy far far away that is until I
discovered Hart that was a magical
moment I was 9 years old
it was a summer night and I was getting
ready to capture fireflies and search
the constellations like usual
so I grabbed a mason jar and poked holes
in the lid when I ran outside the worm
air greeted me like never before it
enveloped me like a giant hubba swept me
off the ground I was floating and the
world was transformed from pain and
chaos in the mesmerizing Hall and Wonder
glittering fireflies danced in the air
around me like we were out of
celebration and I was the guest of honor
and then the sky began to Sparkle as an
artist wait the magic paintbrush across
the night and filled it with stars and
then I had a thought that altered my
perspective forever what if the stars
are just air holes poked in the sky and
somebody's up there watching me my mind
was infused with possibility I saw the
universe as a massive canvas and I was
part of the design his tiny is this made
me feel I also fell significant for the
first time like art was on display for
me I desperately wanted to share this
experience with others I knew that heart
could be the way so the next day I
climbed in my blanket for it and that's
when I began to draw and something
amazing happened when I did I was
transported right back to that same
magical place where I was unshackled
from pain and doubt from gravity art was
a miracle it reenergized me it gave me
hope and a reason to come back down to
earth and connect with others so I spent
the rest of that
summer drawing and painting fueled by
awe and wonder and then I didn't feel
that way again for the next 15 years
see when school started in the fall my
fourth-grade teachers told me to stop
drawing and focus on more important
things little did they know art was very
important it's what helped me focus my
parents dragged me to social activities
like ballet and Charm School which were
just failed attempts to make me more
like other kids I was taken to doctors
and therapists to find out why I was so
weird but nothing offered a cure for
weird and the more I heard that I wasn't
normal I tried to pretend like I was and
the more the world lost its Arkell so
apart from art I tried different ways to
cope on my pursuit for normalcy like
thrill-seeking I mean just like some of
you I skipped school and snuck out of my
house at night but that thrill didn't
sustain me I needed a stronger rush to
replace the discomfort of being trapped
in my skin so I developed a really bad
habit when I was 14 stealing cars it's
okay I took them back because returning
them without getting caught was just as
exhilarating as taking them I also tried
self-medicating as a way to cope and
that accelerated a descent into hell
filling my thermos with vodka before
school is not unusual for me I also
smoke pot and that made the world softer
for a little bit but I was quickly and
snared by even harder drugs like cocaine
and crack
for ten years I struggled from one fix
to the next as I tried to recapture that
same feeling that I had as a kid at nine
years old until I overdosed and that was
a terrifying moment I was blind and mute
paralyzed inside my body unable to call
for help
my heart was exploding and I struggled
to breathe and I was tormented like this
for hours before I could finally scream
out and beg for God to save me
thankfully he did that's how I came to
my senses and I stopped pursuing
normalcy and I got back to being me when
I started drawing you can after all
those years I was transported right back
to that same wondrous place that I had
been longing for and it was way more
invigorating than any adrenaline rush or
drug in fact I've been drug-free now for
24 years
well mustn't read disorder is still a
challenge in fact my employer recently
made a workspace would be out of a broom
closet because I was suffering in our
open office environment kind of like my
grown-up blanket for it but I don't
consider my disorder a curse anymore
it's actually a powerful gift when
paired with art cr2 brings out the perks
of my perception in amplifies the
greatest of all senses the sense of all
I mean the way that light and shadows
play together it really inspires me it's
like music to my eyes so see I learned a
vital lesson in my life or death
struggled to be me a life without art is
a life about all which is no life at all
now have you ever been transformed by
all or had a lightning bug moment no can
it's time to wake up and hear the roses
these bones are good for you as a matter
of fact the psychologist at the
University of California have research
that proves how all can have a positive
impact on our health and well-being and
it motivates us to help others it can
even drive us towards innovation and new
discoveries astronauts have also
discovered the amazing benefits of all
many of them have said that seeing the
Earth from space was so profound it
permanently changed them they call this
the overview effect and described it as
overwhelming feelings of
interconnectedness and unity and sense
of purpose see they realized the same
thing I did when I was rattled with all
because we got a glimpse of the bigger
picture you ever feel overwhelmed or
isolated like I did
well hopefully you won't throw yourself
on the grocery store floor like I did
although that's a much better option
than stealing cars or doing drugs
what we really need most are lightning
bug moments whether it's through art or
science nature or religion moments of
all give us a better perspective and
lets us see the big picture which keeps
us grounded and connected and United
with each other and that is truly
awesome thank you
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[Music]
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