How do you stop the blame game in a relationship? Watch closely as I uncover
for you what the source of blame really is.
You know, when you blame the other person in the relationship for what's happened
and they blame you back, you know you got yourself a big problem. Because the blame
game has just got to stop. How are you going to solve the problem when you keep
pointing at each other? You know... And you eat you're not taking your
responsibility and accountability for what happened. But to stop the blame
problem, we need to take a look at what's happening? Why it's happening and what to
change? 2 people who blame each other in a relationship, that is just like a slow,
painful separation. Because as long as you keep pointing the finger at the
other person, you literally are pushing them away. You're literally getting a
hold of who they are and you're moving them away every time you blame them. Now,
there's a difference between blame and having a conversation.
And there's also accountability. Blame to me is where you are literally pointing
at either at the other person and using a lot of emotion to try to make them all
of the problem. And then they do the same to you and you
do the same to them. So, the problem now is between the 2 of you. Now, here's a
suggestion for you to make a difference in what you're doing. What if you take
the same people, you and the other person. And you position yourselves next to each
other and you put the problem out here? What if you put it out here so you both
could work on solving the problem? This is a couple who's going to have issues
and pretty much is on the path to separation. This is a couple who is going
to get closer to each other, work with each other and be able to solve more
problems and have progress. This couple were the problems between them and
they're blaming each other, they're going to be upset, they're going to be mad, they're
going to be stressed. They're going to feel alone. They're going to feel distant. This
couple right here, they're going to talk, they're going to share, they're going to
brainstorm, they're going to forgive each other.
They're going to confess and own their part in the issue. That has just happened.
It's completely 2 different experiences between this couple and this
couple. You know, this couple down here, they realize that literally half of what
happened. I'll just label this a side and b-side. That it was theirs and theirs.
Like they own their part. Up here with blame, I'm not trying to own their part.
They're trying to protect and defend themselves from having anything to do
with it. So, when it comes to the blame part of what's going on in the
relationship, it depends on what and how you want this to turn out. Do you want
this to move forward? Do you want this to turn out better? But let's get to the
root of what's really going on. The root of blame is hurt. So, this is the
ground and this is above the ground, this is the root. The root to blame is hurt.
The reason why somebody will blame somebody else is because they all ready
hurt. So, why somebody won't take responsibility and take accountability
for what they're doing is because they're already sore and they're already
injured deep down inside. And when a person gets to a level of injury and
soreness and hurt on the inside, they just can't take another hit of being
wrong or take another blow to the ego. Because they made a mistake. And so when
this is very, very, very sensitive and someone is pointing blame at a person,
they will literally fight back. And they will defend themselves and blame the
person back. So, in your relationship, you know if you got blame happening in your
relationship, maybe you need to just pause for a moment and realize it's
either you or it's them that is really hurt. And you did it and do it. Hurt
from way far back. You know, hurt comes from years and years and years ago.
Rarely is there enough hurt that happens in a relationship that it actually was
developed in that relationship. We usually bring hurt to the relationship.
Think and and ponder on this just for a moment. We bring the hurt to the
relationship. And I know this. I have processed my past and my present
so much to realize that whenever I get into a blame experience where I'm
blaming others, I can find out and I can locate where in my past I had been hurt.
And it was just now surfacing in this relationship. Most couples that struggle
with the blame experience between the 2 of them,
that hurt wasn't created by their significant other. It was created by past
experiences. And so the hurt that's underneath the blame,
this right here is old. It's been there for a long time. It's not new and fresh.
But a person who really really hurt is very slow to take accountability. I'm
going to say this again because it's really important that you hear this. A person
that is really hurt on the inside is slow to take responsibility and be
accountable. Because if they take responsibility and accountability one
more time of something they did wrong, this hurt could be so much to them that
it feels like literally they're going to die from it. And when the brain senses
how hurt they are on the inside and knows that they're on the edge, they will
deflect blame point the finger at anybody else so that that pain of the
mistake doesn't hit on the inside. They'll deflect it, they'll blame, they
point fingers anybody else to be the problem.
Except for themselves. They just can't be the problem one more
because it could just be too painful and they feel like they're just going to
completely collapse. And so, you know, when people are... When they become blamers and
they point fingers at everybody else, sometimes we look at those people and
and we think, "What's wrong with them? They shouldn't do that." I think we need to
look below the surface and go, "Gosh, what's causing them to be that way?" So
just so you're not missing the training here. Hurt builds up to the point where
they use blame to stay away from the hurt. So, it's an escape route. It's an escape
process for that person. Because they hurt so bad. So how do you deal with
somebody who is in a blame kind of situation? How do you do that?
Well, if you can talk to them and maybe help them and go, "Hey, I know you're
hurting." Instead of being mad because they're blaming, switch the conversation, instead
of pointing at this, point here and say, "You know what? I see that you do a lot of
blaming. Maybe we need to talk about the hurt that you have inside you." They will
be shocked that you even can see this part that they actually hurt. Now, if you
love this person and you really care about them, you're going to bring this up
to them. You know, I think one of the things that's driving you to blame so
much is inside, you're really hurting. And even if they're like, "No, I don't not what
are you talking about." No, they're hurt. And where there's hurt on the inside...
There's a few other emotions that are in there. There's sad,
there's angry, there's rejected. And that's just to name a few more. So, what
do you do to help this person so that they can actually change the way their
being? Yeah, maybe this is you. Maybe, maybe what I'm doing here is
talking to you and you need to listen to what I'm about ready to share with you.
All of this right here is just sitting down in your gut and just festering. It's
been there for years and years. What you need to do next is get a pad of paper
out or get on your laptop and start typing
and writing why and how you feel. How do you feel, why do you feel this way
and just let it free flow come out of you. It's called free flow writing. Don't
worry about spelling, punctuation, paragraphs. You just go, "You know what? I'm
angry. And you know what? I feel really sad and I feel hurt that..." And you start
writing about these emotions. And what's going on on the inside? Now, no one is
going to read this. No one's going to read this. This is just for you attempting to
reconcile what is not okay on the inside. Because if this is going on, this is in
you. That's inside you. And that can be managed and handled by you doing some
self-discovery. Get some paper, get a computer start typing why you're angry.
Why you're hurt. Why you feel rejected. Why you feel alone. Start writing all
these thoughts down. And it's probably going to come out and a big ugly mess. But
it's okay. It's okay. It's like... It's like you know, if you got
a garbage can sitting in the kitchen and the garbage has been sitting there for
10 years. What would you say to the person who has the garbage can that's
sitting in their kitchen that's been sitting there for 10 years? What would
you tell them to do? You would tell that person you need to take your garbage out.
And go dump the can out. That's exactly what you would tell them to do. And
that's what I'm asking you to do. Get a notepad, get on your laptop and get all
of that out. You need to dump it out. How else is it going to leave your body. It's
not going to evaporate through your skin. It's not going to come out your hair
follicles, it's not going to drip out your fingers. It's just sitting there. And it
keeps getting bigger and bigger as the year goes along. Years go along and
you're just hurting. So, if you really really want to make a change and get
this out from being between you and the
person you care about so much, you need to take out your own old stuff. All this
old stuff that's in you. You would tell them to take the trash can out and dump
it out. And just clean that out of the house. You can tell that it's yucky and
it's stinky and it's causing problems and it can make you sick. Hurt, rejected,
angry, sad. Those emotions can make you sick. They can cause illnesses. They can
cause you to not be who you really are. It can literally change your personality.
And so to leave that inside you is toxic. Get a pad of paper, get on your laptop.
Start writing down how you feel. Don't let anybody read what you write. When
you're done, take that paper, shred it or burn it or tear it up, destroy it.
On your computer, when you're done writing, hit delete. Don't take it to your
significant other and make them read it because it's going to be very, very, very,
very toxic. And you don't want anybody to read that. But take it out.Gget it out of
you. You can do this and you do it in the privacy of your own space. And you can
make a change. But this is why you do this. This is why you do this. And as long
as you keep doing that, it could get between you and who you care about. And
then you could lose them. And I know you don't want that to happen. So do the work.
Get that out of you. Do something about it today. Now, what do you do next after
that? Well, tomorrow or the next day, do it again.
And then a day or 2 later, do it again. It's going to take you about 3-4
maybe even 5 times to really get that up and out of you and you're going to
feel so much better. You're going to find that this doesn't happen as much as
where it was before. You're going to notice you're going to start coming
back. And you're not going to be so sensitive to what's happening. And you're
not going to be avoiding pointing fingers and deflecting things. Not going to do that
anymore. You'll be able to start taking responsibility for your life. And you can
start doing better. But you got to get in there and move it. Nobody else can do it
for you. It's yours. So you can make the change. But do the writing. Give yourself
a day or 2. Do it again and just do this 3 or 4 times. Give yourself a
day or 2 between to kind of recover from it. You're going to feel so good.
Because you don't have to stay the way you are right now, you can make a
difference today. Thank you for watching. I hope you found some great value in the
exercise that I taught you throughout this video. If you do the work or if you
share this with a friend and they do the work, you're going to see a significant
difference in who they are. They sure make a huge change when they get all
that out. Now, if you're ready for more and you would like to have additional
training, click the link right here below and this is about my rich and rewarding
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