hi guys welcome back to my channel today I am shooting a little intimate video
from the office well everyone is on a lunch break talking about my nose job um
it might be a little of a shock for you guys but I didn't even think that I'm
gonna be in a point in my life where I'll have to talk about it but I guess
my career is at a point where I am sharing so much with you guys and this
is not a secret or anything I had my nose done
over 1213 years ago so for me that part of my life happened so long ago that I
don't really walk around talking about it as much just to give you a little
backstory I had my nose then when I was about to turn 16 it was at a weird time
in my life since I was very little I had a weird obsession with my nose I'm not
sure why now that I look at photos it wasn't that big I mean my face
completely changed with the new nose but it's not that it was big or like
something so terrible it's just always felt like it was like there wasn't room
for it on my face like all my other features are so small and my nose just
felt so out of place so I always had that like fixation about it and I feel
like from a very early age I was putting so much energy towards thinking about
this you know complex that I had and I was in general a kid that was like I had
a lot of complexes about myself it's not at all like blaming my mother or
anything at all because she was like oh it's so amazing and supportive and
everything I just think that some kids are born to be more sensitive to
different things and I think that from me I feel like growing up I think it's
still happening around us that a lot of people say to girls like oh you look so
pretty and put this nail color and put this lipstick and I feel like in a way
that happened to me and I got this like label on me as a little girl which is
like not the worst thing but I was never the smartest I was never
the fastest it was never like good at anything else or there was any other
emphases on anything else that this pretty thing just stuck in my head so I
think that what happened is that I really started fixating on the way I
look and twelve thirteen years ago it wasn't like it is today it's amazing to
see the progress we made in pop culture and society today where you have so many
amazing role models around people not wearing makeup people are proud of their
freckles and wrinkles and all these different things there's such a big
emphasis on education and being smart and worldly everything is kind of at a
reach where twelve thirteen years ago as a teenager all I was seeing is this
picture-perfect editorials in magazines so for me that was the bar of beauty
that was what being beautiful meant and from me
I guess now kind of analyzing where I was in my life I was just really trying
to fit that label of being pretty because if I couldn't fit that then what
am i I don't have anything else going for me that's what was going through my
mind because I just didn't know who I was and I didn't know how to find who I
was this conversation of self-love and self-care wasn't even on the table back
then we obviously weren't as immersed in the online life there was not much going
on online so again the examples of everything it was very limited so I've
expressed this thing with my nose to my mother quite often throughout the years
I never thought that there's such a thing like I didn't know that you can do
plastic surgery I didn't know that it's like an option but I always kept just
being so insecure about it I remember like every time I would be in a position
where people would like take photos of me I would always do this because of the
size of my nose when I looked up that made it look smaller you see quite a bit
throughout my old photos that I was doing
of the Sun actually still have a little bit of that habit I'm just putting my
head up my mind was truly occupied on my nose alone and not seeing all the other
things that were going on for me as you know a young girl and a young woman and
now that I think about it it's still happening today you see so many little
girls and their parents and it obviously come from such a good place but you see
always parents say to their daughters oh you're so pretty and you're so pretty
and you're so pretty and different kids process that
information differently and that's another thing it's like you can raise
five girls the same and each one of them will kind of receive those like
different signals differently and it may be something good that will develop into
confidence for her or bad where it would be oh this is Who I am I'm just pretty
right so it's really nothing against my mother or the way I was raised I feel
like she really put everything she could towards giving me the most amount of
confidence and self-esteem possible but my brain worked differently and the way
I received that compliment of being pretty was basically a label and this is
it I know when I'm gonna have a girl when
Wow okay a little future prediction I know
that if I'll ever have a girl I would obviously make a point to tell her that
she looks pretty but I will really make it my life mission to show her all the
other things that she's made of other stuff that are so wonderful about her if
it's the way she thinks and her imagination and things like that anyways
going back to this story at 15 I was discovered as a model with my old nose
with my original nose I actually booked my first huge campaign in Israel who
with my old nose and we actually flew to London UK we shot it there and it was
amazing but again on this shoot I just felt like I felt like I had all the
tools to be a model I was moving well I could portray emotion you know I really
felt comfortable in front of the camera and I was a hard worker but that
insecurity kept me from progress you also have to remember all of a
sudden I was this girl that's insecure about her nose which is pretty normal in
like a regular surrounding to being a girl who is so insecure about her nose
in the modeling world surrounded by models being part of a fashion industry
having all these amazing opportunities that are there for you to take I just
don't believe in myself enough to do it so for me my nose became kind of the
source of all the problems in the world and it really like did a number on me
you know in my brain like it obviously was much more exaggerated than it
actually was my mother heard my concerns throughout the years and she decided
that you know what if this is really what's gonna fix it for you and if this
is something that's stopping you from really becoming who you want to be and
going after the things that you want let's do it and back then I know shop
was a huge deal it's not like today where you know you make a decision of
getting your nose done like going and buying a carton of milk in the
convenience store so it was a much bigger deal both financially and you
know physically and everything and my mother decided to take that risk and it
cost a lot of money especially for us I mean we're just you know lower middle
class and I'm forever grateful for my mother for listening to me and for kind
of trying to do everything that she can to make sure that this won't be an issue
so I got my nose done I was 16 already getting my nose done I thought would be
the solution for all my insecurities and all my issues with myself and hopefully
you know by now that it is not once I got my nose done I was still you know
the same girl with the same kind of weird image of herself insecure doesn't
know where she belongs who she is what she's good at what she's not every
little comment and every little critic every little look made me feel like you
know I was doing something wrong you know just really emphasize my security
more and more and again I was going through all of this that I think is
pretty normal to a lot of teenage girls but I was going through
of this while modeling and while being you know at shoots where I'm getting my
picture taking and there's 40 people behind the camera or standing looking at
me and whispering and in my head because it was so insecure we start or they're
talking about me I'm doing something wrong we're in theory the world doesn't
revolve around you they were talking about work or other stuff or whatever it
is I was like Valera your nose you know the nose problem is gone and yet you're
still so insecure and compare yourself to so many other people and so many
other girls and if it's not the nose and it's the boobs and if it said the booze
and it's the hair and you're not tall enough and you're not fat enough and
you're not skinny enough and you're not this and you're not that it was this
constant blabbering so I wish I wish that back then I had a role model that I
could look up to I had access to some of the people that are online personalities
now that really focus on putting a spotlight on the things that you love
about yourself that are bigger than just the way you look I wish I had all of
that I didn't know any better and if I think now you know if I was back in that
position in today's age of social media and people and I don't know if I would
get my nose done I don't know I think that today there are so many awesome
voices out there to remind you of you know your worth and how to find your
Worth and how to define yourself outside of like little boxes that society
created for us so I don't know if I would get it done again back to that 16
year old who had this small nose that fitted the rest of my features I didn't
do anything else on my face some people asked me if I ever got my lips done I
didn't if you see my mom and my brother they have huge lips so that's something
that I was blessed with and they actually grew a little bit after my
pregnancies which is weird but I'm not complaining my nose was done I was still
lost in the world and that's when I was working as a model I was traveling a lot
if you've seen any of my previous videos about my modern experience you know that
I traveled a lot around the world for work and I was alone by myself a lot
like a lot and at first it felt really sad and I was a little depressed and
lonely and then it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me
because that's when I started really evaluating myself and redefining who I
was I was away from high school I was away from my friends you know that were
always kind of this cushion and this comfort zone for me I just stripped all
these labels that I had that I put on myself or that I let other people put on
me and I just started figuring myself out by myself on my own terms and being
exposed to so many people and so many places and so many experiences it really
put me in a place where I drew the best things that I loved about all these
experiences and people and really kind of built myself from those
characteristics so I'm forever grateful for the fashion industry for putting me
in a position where I had nowhere to run from myself and it wasn't anymore about
being the pretty girl you're in a world of everyone's pretty everyone is
beautiful and everyone's models and so I really had to start digging deeper I
decided to really talk about this because I specifically got this one
email I think about a few months ago maybe eight months ago that kind of
heard me in a way the fact that I got my nose done
and the fact that I talked about self-love it never really made me feel
like I'm being fake about something because again I went to that experience
where I got my nose fixed and it didn't fix who I was I had to fix it I had to
figure out who I was so I got this email from a person the way it was written was
kind of nasty they were just like how do you sit down and preach self-love when
you have your nose fixed and you're pretending to be all these things that
you are and you're such a liar in such a fake up until then I never even thought
about the whole nose job thing because it just like happened so long ago but I
responded to that email and thank you so much for your email and for
the fact that my nose concerns you so much but this is something that I went
through it was something that's kind of a personal experience and it's my choice
and my right to speak about it whenever I feel the need to and I also mentioned
you know if you think that fixing my nose made me to love myself and made me
confident and self-assured and secured then you obviously don't understand the
concept of self-love because some of the most most insecure girls that I've met
were models that were probably some of the most beautiful women I've ever met
in my life so there is no connection there she actually responded back being
you know what I'm really sorry for being so aggressive you're right
it is your right to talk about whatever it is it's something that you went
through as you know it's something personal and I would just love to hear
this story whenever you decide to do it so just kind of I think replying with
not with anger but just with compassion understanding because I kind of also
understood what she was coming from I never thought about it that way it's
just that's kind of when I started thinking about okay I need to make this
video so I'm making it today my nose job is never something that I lied about if
people ever asked me I told them I didn't know that my life is gonna lead
me to being in social media and being part of this world and you know having
my life out there for you guys so I never thought about making this but I'm
happy I made it I by no means won this video to be a call to action for
especially for teenage girls that are naturally feeling insecure about
different parts of their bodies this is not a video saying go and fix it and
you'll be fine because you won't but I'm also not against changes and making
adjustments if you truly feel that it's hurting your life and it takes you know
everything out of you to deal with it like I truly believe that you have to
help self-awareness you have to understand where it's coming from and
today we don't have a next today there's so much knowledge out
there there's so many people to talk to there's so much information about how to
build yourself and how to realize who you are and so many people that you can
learn from so before considering changing anything about yourself start
with trying to get to the root of what really bothers you and what you don't
like about yourself I know that if I knew then what I knew now I don't know
if I would go and change my nose I would probably start focusing and putting a
spotlight on the things that I loved about myself and starting to put my
energy into areas that I could grow in myself so this is it you guys I did this
video I made it I'm sure that there's gonna be a lot of comments and a lot of
questions and I am here to answer anything that you guys want to ask me
about the surgery or about the process that I went through really about
anything I'm an open book so I hope I answered some of you guys
that asked me about the nose job questions had some people send me at the
end and I did tell them that I'm gonna make this video so this is it okay well
that was a very long lunch break I feel like the girls are trying to get back in
thank you guys so much for watching and I will see you guys next time
you