Transcriber: Martina Abrami Reviewer: Eunice Tan
We live in a world of fantasy bodies.
The message that thin is best,
thinnest is healthiest,
thin is for everyone
is one that’s influenced us throughout our entire lives,
so much so it’s now embedded in us,
often unchallenged despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Deep down, we know that the bodies staged for us through the media are fake.
It means that we live in these two enmeshed and yet disconnected worlds:
The fantasy world and the real world,
where real people come in all different shapes and sizes,
always have and always will,
reasons being genetics, metabolism, hormones.
But that’s literally just the tip of the iceberg of why we’re all different.
And yet everyone is under pressure to be thin.
It pervades our entire culture, our entire media,
and that is where we’re spending more and more of our time -
in that unreal place.
We need to stop believing in fantasy bodies.
I’d like to propose that instead of every body being able to be thin,
we actually live in a society of naturally diverse bodies.
And the statistics back this up,
indicating that only 5 percent of women
are born with what’s considered the thin-ideal body,
and even they are photoshopped.
It isn’t something that we can diet into.
And for the most part, women are centered in this conversation,
but it’s no longer just us that have that burden to carry.
More and more men, upwards of 40 percent, including trans and nonbinary people,
are experiencing body shame and dissatisfaction too.
Here’s what we do:
We absorb advertising and articles
and not realize that we have been sold on the body,
not the product or the idea.
“Hmm, nice top!“
But then when it arrives,
“Hmm, it’s not quite what I was expecting.”
Or, “Yes, three weeks on the apple core diet, that body is mine!”
Day two.
(Chomping)
We watch the latest Hollywood blockbuster with a size-zero heroine and beefcake hero
while silently committing to losing all of our excess body weight,
probably on the apple core diet.
We upsize in clothes
with all the nonchalance of a gazelle trying to outrun a tiger.
(Panting) “This is not my body!”
We continue to value ourselves from the external gaze,
and it's such a loss to us.
You may be wondering who I am and what I know about this.
I’m a sociologist and a body massage therapist,
having delivered over 10,000 treatments in my career.
It’s given me a really good grasp of how we feel about our bodies,
and it’s not good news.
I’m a breast cancer survivor,
and this has given me insight into how we treat our bodies
and how our bodies treat us.
We totally take our bodies for granted.
I've had to say goodbye to parts of mine.
They were so comfortable, and I miss them.
I’ve had chemo,
and I’ve watched my body just coolly filter it out every three weeks.
I’ve had four body-shifting operations,
two of which were a fat transfer from my bum to my boobs.
I know, and here I am complaining -
these boobs are literally made out of flapjacks.
Following my diagnosis,
in an attempt to regain some control over my body,
I entered into a no-sugar, fairly disordered pattern of eating.
So when my consultant told me that I’d need to put weight on
for my fat transfer operations,
my brain just sort of short-circuited.
My doctor telling me to put weight on!
My sugar-free bouts are marked
as some of the most joyless times of my life,
filled with conflict and leaving me with anxiety
and a messed up relationship with food and my body.
I know how it feels to own my body, to respect and celebrate it.
Our bodies are deep pools of positive potential,
and yet we may anguish over them at such a loss to ourselves,
and an unnecessary loss because statistically they may never change.
A loss to our health and well-being, to our quality of life.
And I get it, it’s a mind-melter.
Thinness has been wrapped up with health for so long.
But fixating on a version of health that isn’t within our natural range
might actually not be that healthy.
I have wasted so much of my life considering the rightness of my body.
I look back over decades and wonder what I could have been doing instead.
The conversations I could have been having
had I not been discussing my body.
The places my thoughts could have gone
had I not been considering how to fix my working-order body.
The interests I could have pursued, the talents I could have developed,
along with all the other people of the world
also not sloshing out their life’s potential
with the body-bashing bathwater.
And it steals from us.
It steals rest and relaxation on holiday.
It steals joy and excitement when we’re getting ready to go out.
Confidence in the boardroom, the bedroom.
It steals from our relationships.
What an absurd waste of our time, of our lives.
It speaks of a deep disconnection
between us and the most important tools of our life.
We pay it little attention
because we can’t see it in this image-driven world,
in this achievement-focused culture, in these status-defined times.
We don’t credit our bodies with their healing potential,
their stamina, their relentless support of us.
The feelings of love that could be amplified,
passion, hugs, the joy of eating.
Feelings that could be amplified and built on
to create more positive experiences and greater mind and body health.
But the bit that upsets me the most is how it steals from our children.
Eighty-one percent of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat.
Eating disorders amongst children have seen a steep increase,
and kids as young as three are identifying with diet culture and body shame.
This is messed up.
Why is it happening?
It’s happening because among some demographics of us,
over 90 percent of us are dissatisfied with our bodies
and are happily vocalizing it,
further normalizing self-criticism and reinforcing that thin-ideal fantasy.
It’s happening because on the UK high street,
100 percent of the female mannequins are so thin
that if they were human, they couldn’t menstruate.
It’s happening because we live in a world of fantasy bodies
and we subscribe to that world, often without question.
We need to start valuing real bodies.
We need to start seeing real bodies.
We celebrate that we're all different in almost every other way.
But an impossible standard has been set for bodies.
I am pro-health, all kinds of health,
including mental health and the absence of unnecessary pressure and stress.
If we want to level up in terms of well-being and health, inclusion,
these need elevating in our minds,
in our organizations, our companies, our communities, and culture.
I want to leave you with a mantra:
I do not believe in fantasy bodies.
I don’t believe in fantasy bodies.
I do not believe in fantasy bodies.
Instead, I want to relate to my body in terms of nurturing it
and protecting it for its lifetime,
not in terms of,
“Oh my - Can you just delete that photo?”
I am in support of us proudly assuming our role
in the natural diversity of bodies.
Thank you so much.
(Applause) (Cheers)