- This is "Therapist Reacts Raw".
My producers are having me react to something
I don't know what it is.
It is the top 10 breakup scenes.
I think this is from movies and TV.
Oh man, I've been through quite a few breakups in my time.
(serene music)
So this will be, this will be fun.
(upbeat music)
Top 10 breakup scenes in TV shows and movies.
Okay, what have we got here?
I don't even know what shows or movies these are from.
We'll just react as we go.
And I will tell you as a relationship expert,
if these were healthy or not and why.
- Please stop being mad at me.
Don't be mad at me.
- Oh my God!
I don't be mad at you.
And it's angry by the way.
Not mad, angry!
- Okay.
- Because mad is British
for being crazy. - Don't be angry.
- I am angry with you and I have a good reason
to be angry with you!
You can't do this, you can't!
- Oh, no.
- You have no business being in the same scene with
Shaleen Woolley, none whatsoever.
- I can and I have to.
- I've given you every opportunity
to get out of this wedding and you insisted!
You insisted- - Blink.
- We go through it.
We're gonna go through it. - Blink.
- I'm gonna make you go through with it.
- Blink, there you go.
She's rolling his eyes up after all this acting.
- What am I saying?
You are not gonna go through with it?
Because you don't want to go through with it.
And you know what, neither do I.
- (laughs) Mood swings, bro.
- I hate you.
- You're gonna be like that.
And I hate you too.
- (laughs) And I hate you too.
So I guess there was a wedding
and he tried to get her to back out of it
'cause he thought she had doubts
and she asserted him that she is.
My response to that, it's so outside of reality,
I can't even respond to it as if it's something realistic.
We're moving on.
Let's see if we can get more realism
out of "The Vampire Diaries".
- I thought you broke my heart.
So I rip open Aaron's neck.
That is how much control you have over me.
- And I'm still here.
That's how much control you have.
- This is toxic.
We are in a toxic relationship.
I just killed your friend
and you find someone else to blame.
(laughs)
- You want me to blame you, easy, all done.
You screwed up Damon, again.
- Thank you.
You put me in a position
where I have to defend you again,
where I have to bend my morals again,
where I have to go against every single thing
that I believe in again,
because I love you.
- But then stop loving me.
- I can't.
- So that's a good call.
That's a good call.
I mean, you can't stop, when she's like, "I can't",
you can't necessarily stop the feeling.
And itself like the feeling will come and go as it will,
but you can stop choosing to.
So there's love the emotion,
which is a noun and there's love the verb, right?
Which is something you do.
And she can choose to stop loving him,
being in a relationship, choosing him, defending him.
I don't understand enough of this situation
to know at fault.
Did he kill somebody because she made him,
did he kill somebody...
Like she can't make...
I don't get it.
I haven't watched the show.
All I know is that if you rip someone's neck open
for your partner, that's intense.
It's a little much.
That's I've never actually had that circumstance in therapy.
I haven't dealt with this couple,
but it's not too late.
There might be some neck rippers out there
who really need my help.
And I'm here for them.
This is so relatable.
I get this.
But I love what he says,
"We're in a toxic relationship".
Why are they even fighting?
She's talking about how it's terrible to be with him.
And he's like, yeah, you shouldn't be with me.
And she's like fine.
And they like fine.
And now they're probably going to have sex
because on TV shows when you're screaming at each other,
you instantly like start ripping each other's clothes off.
In real life, if you're screaming at somebody,
you're like, don't touch me.
- Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
I have to go.
- I want nothing to do with you.
- It's over, we're over.
- Yes.
- No, not Chuck and Sarah.
- The last few days,
all I can think about is our future together.
About what it's gonna be like once
I finally get the intersect out of my-
- I do love the show.
It's a great show.
- Relationships, no covers, no lies.
(serene music) - Cause they're spies.
But the more I think about it,
the more I realize that you and I can never have a future.
Even if we had a real relationship,
it would never really be real.
I still never know anything about you.
Your real name, your hometown, your first love anything.
And I want more than that.
- Yeah, that's actually good.
- I want to be able to call you
at the end of a bad day
and tell you about some funny thing that Morgan did
and not find out that I can't because you're off
somewhere in Paraguay quelling a revolution with a fork.
I'm a normal guy who wants a normal life.
- Well, she just killed someone to save his life
and it was legit, but I've seen this one.
- You will never be normal.
- But this is, this is a great illustration, this one.
- Someday when the intersect is out of your head and
you have the life that you always wanted.
You'll forget all about me.
I seriously doubt that.
- I've actually been in this situation, not this bye thing.
But a where I was dating someone
and we were great together,
we had great chemistry and great as boyfriend and girlfriend
and everything was wonderful,
except for we wanted different things out of life.
And we knew long-term that would break us.
And so we broke it off
and it was really hard because the love was there.
And so this is actually a beautiful scene.
- Come on we better get inside they're waiting for us.
- "Chuck" is a great show.
And things go.
♪ And I told you. ♪
- I can't do thus anymore Veronica.
I've been thinking and this isn't working.
- Is this the opening scene of the episode?
He's breaking up with her.
- I just can't take feeling like a disappointment anymore.
- Logan, I don't- - Let me get-
To let people help you.
- That's not exactly what I said.
It's close.
And you know what I'm not built to stand on the sidelines.
- Rob Thomas. - I think we have a choice.
- Did Rob Thomas really direct this.
- I know you take a tough but
survivable amount of pain now,
(indistinct)
or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later.
- That's valid.
Sometimes they're relationships that you want to stay in
because you love the person,
but you know it's going to get worse and worse.
- But I'm always here if you need anything.
But you never need anything.
- And as a need we have in a relationships
is not just to be loved but to love.
And that's what he's saying
is that she doesn't need anything from him.
He can't give her like, we get a satisfaction,
not just from receiving the love from another person,
but being a person who gives love,
who gives support, who is reliable,
who is dependable to good feeling,
And people who are too independent.
Not too independent, I'm not saying that as a judgment,
not too independent for life
too independent for a relationship.
That's what that ends up being switched to.
- We've been disconnected for months.
We're not interested in the same things.
- What's happening here.
I flew all the way out here to make it work.
- That's awesome.
- It should just work.
Relationships do require work.
It shouldn't just work.
But on the other hand, I was heartbroken one time
and I wanted it really bad,
and I was trying to make it work,
and my sister told me that
when you find the right person,
it's not going to be so hard.
And all though, some healthy relationships
start with a lot of drama-
- If you don't want me to move out here,
then you need to say it. (serene music)
- A lot of times a healthy relationship
gets harder when you're sustaining it.
But the dating is fairly easy
like choosing the person,
and that we're a good fit for each other
it's fairly easy.
Not every time, but a lot of times.
- I'll get a job.
I'll make friends. (solemn music)
And I'm going to stop you.
It's because of that girl, isn't it.
It's becomes Sky.
I waited for you to come back to me
to talk through what had happened with Tang.
And then, and I give you space, but you just,
you disconnected without telling me.
You moved on.
What happened to I'll always come find you.
What happened to every single thing
that you've ever said to.
No, you can't mean that and not mean that.
- But that's what he needs to say.
Cause he's like, I need to focus just on school.
But the fact is it's not about that.
Like, he can make that work,
if he really wants her, if he really chooses her.
I'm trying to set myself up for the rest of my life.
Yeah, but that also includes who
you're choosing your life with.
He finally gets to the truth of it at the end,
which is that something has shifted
and he doesn't feel the same way,
and that's what he needed to lead with.
Instead of trying to let her down gently
or like lean on these other arguments.
You just need to tell him straight up what was going on.
- "The Vampire Diaries", again.
I feel like I'm missing some good stuff
by not watching "The Vampire Diaries"
And by good I mean terrible.
- You came here to say goodbye.
Wait, I've been thinking about it.
And I've decided that
I'm not going to have this conversation again.
I can't just sit here
while I'm waiting for you to come back.
- I don't want that either. - Then stay.
Be the love of my life.
Just love me more than you hate him.
- I'm sorry Caroline.
I can't do that.
- I don't know the context, but wow.
- Don't you dare walk away from me.
I swear to God Tyler you take one more step, we're done.
Okay no more surprises.
No more excuses.
No more chances, we are done.
- Is that a boundary or is that a ultimatum?
Is like manipulative?
I dunno.
I dunno this situation,
but the fact is he doesn't have a choice here
except for her to end it,
and then he's telling her, okay.
But were any throats ripped out
is what I want to know.
- My sister flipping out she wants me to help her.
Why don't you?
Because my dad's at the bottom of that too.
So what?
Your dad controls everything that you do.
No, not anymore.
- Stop and breathe both of you.
Stop and calm down.
This is going to go bad.
Stop yelling.
- Leave you family because of me.
- I can't get an apartment in town.
We can live there.
- Breathe.
- I can't you. I can't screw this up Junior, I can't.
- You won't, I'll help you. - No.
It's just gonna make your dad mader-
- I told you, I don't care about him.
You've seen it.
My family is a farce.
- Mine, isn't. (serene music)
I'm so sorry.
I can't, I can't see you anymore.
- I thought this is what you wanted.
- I thought you loved me.
- That's an awful feeling.
I've been there.
- I do.
- But when they say all you need is love.
When the Beatles sing, that's not true.
You need trust.
You need to be able to rely on somebody
and you need to have shared values and shared goals.
The emotion of love isn't enough to sustain a relationship.
It's just not you.
You need integrity.
You need all these other things.
Ah, Buffy and angel.
- It's nothing.
- No, you have something Face.
- I think we need to talk, but not now, not here.
- No, if you have something to say, then say it.
- I've been thinking about our future.
- He wants to put it off.
I'm a vampire.
You're human.
- And the more I do, the more I feel like us,
you and me being together is unfair.
I'm sorry.
Buffy you know how much I love you.
It kills me to say this.
- Then don't.
Who are you to tell me what's right for me?
You think I haven't thought about this?
- Have you.
- Oh Angel, come on.
- No, of course not.
I'm just some little school girl right?
- And to do what's right here.
I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart.
- Heart?
You have a heart.
It isn't even beating.
Don't want, don't love you.
I'm sorry, you know what,
I didn't know that I got a choice in that.
I'm never going to change.
I can't change.
- Again, you may not choose the emotion,
but you choose what to do with it.
- I don't.
- You don't want to be with me?
- No, yes you do.
Edward did the same thing to Bella.
- I can't you believe you're breaking up with me?
- Doesn't mean that I don't.
It's just this is better.
- And I'm sorry for that. (serene music)
- You're sorry?
- Yeah.
- This isn't okay.
You got to be angry. - I'm not.
- You should be.
- Says who?
- Anybody who hears this story.
I stole an amazing opportunity from you.
- And I'm forgiving you.
- This isn't okay.
You should be pissed off and yelling.
But fact that you're not
is maybe we're just both messed up
or the sex is so good that we can't see it,
but this is not what a healthy relationship looks like.
That's really sad?
How was that sad I love you Oliver.
- Seriously, that's your response
to finding out I lied to you.
- Everyone lies in relationships.
- No, no I don't.
Or at least I don't want to be someone who does so.
- Or her justifies or rationalizes that.
But at the same time,
we can put up with things in relationships
because we want to be loved
and we don't want to be alone because we want this person.
But he's right.
Like if he's out of line,
his partner should be upset
and should be holding his feet to the fire
and holding me accountable.
But he's like, it's okay I forgive you.
Which is his choice, which is fine.
But when he says everyone lies in relationship,
that's not a good foundation.
It's interesting.
- So, so what.
- I love you, I love you so much.
- And I was scared. - Hey, let me say this.
You've been so good to me.
Like you stayed with me even when most guys would have run,
but you didn't even bat an eye.
You just love me.
- You love me back.
- Like how I've wanted,
a person to be upset with me
because then I wouldn't feel so guilty.
'Cause it's like, well, at least I'm being punished.
But when they're forgiving and nice about it,
it's like, no, I don't deserve this.
And now we have disparity.
you're you're the good one and I'm the terrible one.
Can you at least be mad so we can both be terrible.
And yeah I get that.
- But I'm different now than when we first met.
- How is that my fault?
It's not your fault.
I just don't know who I am anymore.
- We all go through that.
- Yeah, but I think it would be better for me
if I went through it alone.
- So what?
You're saying that you,
that you want to take a break or something.
- The poor guy he gets lied to
and then he gets broken up with
and all he ever did was be decent.
- We should break up.
- Yes, more "Vampire Diaries" is amazing.
- I've been so selfish because I love you so much
and we know how much you love me,
but it's over.
- Stefan, no Stefan.
- Brace yourself Stefan.
- I need someone who will kill for me.
And that's just not you.
But you know, if you wanted to win me back
a decent bye would go a long way.
Decapitation and torture would also help.
Man, I am CW to out folks.
That was a lot.
Healthy breakup, looks like directness
not beating around the bush.
It's going to hurt no matter what.
So do it like a band-aid
one quick motion right off.
Be real.
It's one thing to be respectful.
It's another thing to not tell someone the truth,
because you want to spare their feelings.
Because then there'll be left wondering
over and over and over again.
Far better to say exactly what's going on and why.
Some of these were pretty good.
Some of these were painful to watch.
They were all painful to watch for different reasons.
So if you just can't get enough of a breakup drama...
I react to, I called my ex and asked them
why we didn't work out.
A bunch of people calling their exes
and ask them that question
and getting just straight up truth.
And I share my insights as a relationship expert.
So check that out.
If you're trying to move
past a relationship could use some support.
There are therapists on our team,
complimentary 15 minute discovery call link
is in the description below.
They'd be happy to work with you.
So until next time, like subscribe, click the bell.
This has been "Therapist Reacts Raw" also raw.
We'll see you next time. (upbeat music)
Oh, here comes that video.
Here it is.
Oh my gosh, it's so sad and so awesome.
You really need to check it out.