In this video, I'm gonna tell you how to get sober in three simple steps instead
of 12. That's right, three! And it's not so much because I don't believe in the
twelve steps. I love the twelve steps. It's because
I've done a lot of studying and research about what's actually happening in the
twelve steps, and I can break that down to three steps. Things that are
actually in play when you work the twelve steps. So for all those people out
there who just aren't sure that they're into the twelve-step, method. It's okay,
but you've got to get these basic building blocks. Make sure you watch this
whole video because the third one is the most important one.
So, step number one is connections it's about building connections. That's
why so many people do recovery in a group atmosphere. If you've been
struggling with drug and alcohol problem, you're probably filled with a ton of
shame and guilt, and you probably feel super lonely. Even if you're around
people that you know and love, (and that love you back)
You still feel lonely, because you've got all these secrets inside which are keeping you feeling distant from
everyone else. Human connection is a need (a biological need), and when you
don't have it, you get sick. It's like not having the vitamins or nutrients that
you need. So, the first thing you've got to do is build some new connections. Most
people find it easiest to build some connections with other people that are
in recovery too, because they don't feel as shameful and guilty. They can
of let the wall down and quit protecting all those secrets, and actually
allow a connection to happen. If you don't know anyone in recovery, find someone
else in your life that you can strategically work on building a
connection with it can be a counselor, a really good friend, but you've got to
take all those walls down (with those secrets), and the second thing about the
connections is.... After you have built a positive recovery support network,
then the next step is to go back and fix some of
those connections that got messed up in when you were in active addiction. I'm not telling
you have to go make amends to everyone you know. Although, you could do that, (I'm not
opposed to the idea), but you definitely need to take those
relationships that really were important to you (and that you caused
damage in, and that you really want to keep); you need to address those
relationships. You need to fix that stuff. If you're married, you need to fix your
relationship with your spouse. If you're a kid, you need to fix it with your parents
if you're a parent you need to fix it with your kids. You gotta mend those
fences (especially with the people closest to you). Step number two is
being consistent. What I mean by consistent is...act in a way that is
consistent with your value system.
We all have a core value system, deep down inside. We all know right
from wrong. We all don't want to lie. We don't steal. We all don't wanna be
sneaking. (and all that stuff that goes on an active addiction). But,our behavior
really gets way far away from our core values,and the gap in between your
values and your behavior becomes a big giant hole, that gets filled up with
shame. Shame is the worst thing for addiction. It fuels the addiction.
So, you've gotta get your behavior consistent with your values. You've got
to do what you say you're gonna do. You gotta mean what you say. You gotta walk
the walk. Not only is that gonna help you with
your connections (step number one), it's also going to build trust. It's gonna help
you mend some of those fences, and it's gonna help other people want to be your
friend. It's going to help you feel good
about you. This last one really connects steps one and two.
It really ties it all together. Step 3, is....You need to contribute. You've got to develop
some sort of higher meaning and purpose in your life. You need to live your life
in such a way that you are giving back. (somehow, someway) . The reason this is important is because it's
going to make you feel proud of yourself. When you're proud of yourself,
and you're consistent in your behavior and values, and you have good
connections, you really are going to be so much happier. Your need for drugs and
alcohol is going to go way down. In fact, doing these three steps helps your brain chemicals
level out. (Increases Serotonin and Oxytocin) It
really decreases your vulnerability to addiction. So.... Psychologically and
biologically, there's a lot of science and evidence behind what I'm telling you.
These are the core things that are happening in the 12 steps. Think about it. At first
you get involved in the fellowship, and you make some friends, and you talk to
people on smoke breaks, and you go have coffee with people and you make some
connections. Next, you learn how to fix your connections with other
people. The 12 steps teach you how to rebuild your integrity.
You'll feel good about who you are. Lastly,y in
the 12 steps, they get you to contribute by helping someone else get into
recovery. (which is a great way to contribute). But, there are all kinds of
ways to contribute. You can help someone else get into recovery. You can be of
service in lots of ways, and when you do, you're gonna feel proud
of yourself. You're not gonna need those drugs and alcohol nearly as much. so
those are the three steps. if you want to look at some research behind why these
things work, I suggest that you check out some work by Simon Sinek.He does a lot
of research on leadership, but also talks about of the brain
chemicals involved in leadership, and how that affects you. Because he does a lot
of work with leadership (as it relates to brain chemicals). I know that doesn't
seem like it's related to addiction, but check out his youtube video. You'll definitely see how the two things are connected.
Another person that you can check out, is this guy named Johann Hari.
He wrote two books (which are fantastic). The first one is chasing The Scream, the
first and last days of the war on drugs. The second one is his most recent.
It's called lost connections. It's all about what really causes
depression and anxiety, which are
the same things that cause addiction. People get addicted
when they feel crappy. This disease comes when you're at a really low point.
Of course, you've got to get the drugs and alcohol out, but anyone that knows
anything about addiction treatment/ recovery, knows it's not about the drugs
at all. You just got to get those things out. It's like taking the lid off so you
can get to those issues that are underneath. (which is usually shame, loneliness, grief, etc..)
The, "I don't like me" " I'm not a worthy person". You've got to fix all that negative self-talk.
When you can do that, you can get long-term recovery.
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