Be positive. We hear it all the time but what does that really mean?
I am a professional psychologist with almost 3 decades of clinical experience. We're going to
get into the actual meaning of positivity today. First, we'll talk about what it doesn't mean
and then I'm going to share with you 2 important processes that are going on in your mind all the
time that affect your positivity. Let's dig in. First off, what does it not mean?
We are not talking about the trite, fluffy just think positive that you hear from motivational
speakers or presenters. That's not what it is. Being positive is not ignoring the problems
or pretending that they don't exist or that everything is just peachy. Being
positive does not mean smiling all the time, always being happy, never being sad or upset.
That is not what it means. Hopefully, as I share these with you we can debunk some of the myths
around positivity because that's what has people dismissing it without taking it seriously. Now,
let's get into what it actually means. so that's what it's not what is it. Positivity starts
with a process that I've labeled metacognition. Metacognition is simply thinking
about thinking. Thinking about your own thinking. This is really important because
metacognition creates a little space. And in that space is where choice exists.
Choice about what? Well, you'll notice that you don't get to choose what happens.
Some stuff just shows up in your life. What you do get to choose is where you steer your thinking
and the processes that I'll be sharing with you through this video. It's like having an owner's
manual for the operation of the equipment of your own mind. Tell you what, rather than going into
all the details here, I'm going to offer you a free digital copy of my mini-book, Portable
Positivity. This will describe to you some of the processes that we're covering here in this video.
And you can get a free copy by clicking in the link in the description, Drpauljenkins spelled
with a "D-R" dot info "/" portable positivity. I'll get you a digital copy for free. Now,
that we've got that metacognition turned on, I'm going to throw another little piece at you:
It is what it is. Does that annoy anybody else? I mean it depends on who's saying it and why.
But for our discussion today, consider that what it is simply means where you are, what you have,
who you're with, the way things are for you right now without changing anything;
it is what it is. A couple of observations about what it is see if you think this is true as well.
"What it is" is always between better and worse. Is that true? Wait, because if that's
true, what it means is that no matter what this is, no matter what you've got, where you are,
who you're with, no matter what is going on in your life right now; it could always be
better, right? Yeah, that's not too hard to imagine. Think of your bank account for example.
It could always be better, right? And is that true the other direction as well?
It could always be worse. This is harder to imagine especially if you're in
pain or you're struggling or you're having some challenges or difficulties.
But even then, it could always be worse. I have a lot of people who call me during the pandemic,
they're calling me and they're saying, "Ah, Dr. Paul, come and talk to our company, our
organization, our association." And we'll have to do it virtually, obviously. "But talk to us about
how to stay positive in such challenging times." And I'm like, "Challenging? What do you mean?"
Now, I'm not denying that what we're going through is challenging. But it's right here, it is what it
is. Could it be better? Yeah. We can think of lots of ways it could be better. Well, could it
be worse? "I don't think so, Dr. Paul." Yes, it could. I got to hear Immaculee Ilibagiza speak
not too long ago. You may not even recognize her name. She wrote a book called
left to tell about her experiences surviving the holocaust, the genocide that happened in Rwanda.
Really? Challenging times compared to what? Compared to something worse, this looks like
a picnic. Just notice it. I'm not here to tell you how to think. I don't have that kind of authority.
I want you to see that you are thinking and that that thinking makes a difference.
It is what it is. It could always be better, it could always be worse. Oh and one other thing:
"What it is" is all you've got.
And I don't mean it's all you could have. We're going to get to that in just a minute.
It's all you've got. Right now, by definition, it is what it is. Now that we've got you thinking
about your thinking and noticing that what it is is just what it is, let's take a look
at what our mind is doing all of the time. And I have to emphasize here you can't turn this off.
It's kind of like gravity. Do you ever get up in the morning and think "I wonder if gravity's on
today". No. It's always on. And so, is this. You can't turn it off. I call it evaluation.
Meaning, judgment. Notice as you think about your thinking that you're always doing this,
aren't you? You are judging all the time. You judge yourself, you judge your spouse, you judge
your kids, you judge your coworkers, you judge the economy, you judge your community, you judge
the government, you're judging me. It's alright, I'm judging you too. Because I can't turn it off
either. You are constantly judging. Just notice that. Now, the word evaluation implies comparison
with some standard. This becomes obvious when I ask you a simple question like,
"Am I a tall man?" Now, what do you think? I'm not even standing up right now. And even if I were,
how would you know if I was tall? How about if I show you a picture? You might think as
you look at this picture that, "Oh, Dr. Paul isn't actually very tall." I am 6 foot 2.
Now, you're wondering about the other guy, aren't you? This is my friend Mark Eaton. He is 7 foot
4 which is just freaky, right? But he's also a wonderful human being who does
powerful presentations on leadership. Mark used to play center for the Utah Jazz. Still one of
the top shot blocking records in the NBA. 7 foot 4. Now, compared to Mark, I'm not very tall.
Notice this: When I say "Am I a tall man?", your answer to that depends on what?
Depends on who or what you compare me to. Compared to most people, I'm pretty tall. Compared to Mark,
not so much. So, notice that. Evaluation has us constantly judging our life,
our circumstances, our relationships. When we compare what we've got to something
better, (and it could always be better) how do we feel about what we've got?
We're disappointed or we feel cheated or somehow shorted of what we should have. When we compare
what we've got to something worse than what we've got, how do we feel about what we've got? See,
now we're feeling a lot better about what we've got. Just notice this: I'm not here to tell you
how to think. I don't have that kind of authority. I just want you to see that you are thinking.
And that thinking matters because it affects how you feel about what you've got. It is what it is.
It could always be better it could always be worse. And we don't always get to choose
what it is. Have you noticed? What do we get to choose? What we compare it to
when we do the evaluation. And we can't even turn it off. Notice this process happening.
That's going to jump us forward a lot in being positive. Let's go to the next process. And this
is just like evaluation in that you can't turn it off. Anymore then you can turn off gravity.
It's going to happen. Your mind is constantly creating what is to be. Now, creation mode,
like evaluation mode depends upon our mind and our imagination. Remember in evaluation mode
as we imagine something better or worse. We do the same thing in creation mode. Can you imagine
taking the next half-hour? Just think about how you might take the next half-hour to go out there
and use your creative mind to somehow make your life worse. Could you do that?
Would you do that on purpose, I mean? We do it accidentally all the time. But notice how
quickly your mind comes up with half a dozen ways that you could pull that off. It wouldn't even
take a half-hour, would it? Why is it that we can imagine all of these ways to make our life worse
when that's not what we want to create? Well, what if we steer it the other direction and start to
imagine ways to make our life better. You can come up with those things too. But it takes a
little bit more effort. Here's a little brain hack for you. You ready? Notice this as you think about
your thinking, when we imagine... Because we don't know what's coming for sure. But as we imagine
that what's coming is worse that it's going to be bad or terrible or painful or difficult,
how do we feel? That my friends is anxiety. That creates anxiety. Well, what happens is we imagine
that what's coming is even better than what we've already got. How do we feel? This is hope
and that's why positivity is such a powerful skill that we can learn. Here's a brain hack for you:
Imagine 8 o'clock, okay? 8 o'clock is coming isn't it? I call this BB-8. It's a brain hack
for creation mode. If you can imagine that 8 o'clock is coming, it's not too hard because
it always does. And if you can imagine that you're going to be around for 8 o'clock,
also not too hard to imagine since you've made it to every 8 o'clock so far your whole life without
exception. Then something has to happen between now and 8. Think about this. Things cannot be
exactly the same. At the very least, you're going to be a little older by 8 o'clock, aren't you? You
might be more hungry, more tired. I don't know depends on what you did just before 8 o'clock.
Things are not going to be the same. And by your own evaluation, which we already talked about and
which you can't turn off, things have to be either better or worse at 8 o'clock by your own judgment.
So, here's the brain hack: BB8, better by 8. What can you think of that you could do between now and
8 o'clock? Little thing, big thing, I don't know. You decide that would make things in your life
better by 8. Can you think of something? Share some of the things you thought of in the comments
down below. You are amazingly creative. And you can come up with ways to upgrade your life.
Pick some aspect, finance, relationships, health, pick something. Make it better by 8.
And then do it again for the next 8 o'clock. If you do this for the same 5 days that you do
the gratitude exercise, you get to have 10 upgrades to your life. How cool is that?
Awesome. We talked earlier about what positivity isn't. Here's the short version of what it is:
You choose your position in both of these processes. Remember we talked about evaluation,
we talked about creation. You choose a position
on purpose and choose the position that serves you best. Since you don't know, why not pick something
that works well. Why not pick something that serves you well? Why not pick something that
empowers you to move forward and create some powerful upgrades in your life?
That's what positivity is. It's a choice. It's a chosen position that gives you power. Now,
that you know all about what it really means to be positive, you've got a little bit of
work to do. And it does take some work but you don't have to do it alone. The resources that
are available to you at Live On Purpose Central will help you to do what I call mental hygiene.
You brush your teeth every day. What are you doing to floss your mind every day? That's what live on
purpose central is all about. Come check it out. Go.liveonpurposecentral.com. I'll see you there.