[Gus] Out here at the horse pen *sighs*, again. Some time has passed, nothin' in sight.
It's a hell-scape out here. We're gonna go look for the horses. God knows if they're alive even.
No one's done anything about this damn fence.
[Gus's mom] Just leave it there [Gus] I've had enough of it!
Can you help me with it? [Gus's mom] No... arright...
[Gus] *whistling* EY!
*snorts like a horse to in an attempt to attract them*
*slaps thigh repeatedly* HEH! C'MON...
So mom let the horses die..*starts to laugh*
[Gus's mom] *whispering* Just shut up.They're the neighbor's horses.
[Gus] I haven't seen'em. *Gus's mom snorts*
So I thought, uh, we were out here in God's country. Turns out he's left us. [Gus's mom] Hey, the pussy willows are blooming.
[Gus] Arright. Language is gonna be an issue for you.
Where once there was a fertile land, God is forsak-getthisshitouttatheframe..shit!
I'm not gonna be dragging you around all day, come on. C'mon!
I don't know what's been goin' on out here. Everything's dead or dying. Someone's to blame, not pointin' any fingers
Oh my god!
OH! What is this?! What did you do?!
What is this? [Gus's mom] Caribou. [Gus] S'this a homeless guy?!
[Gus's mom] *whispering* That's not funny.*snorts*
[Gus] Kind of it is. [Gus's mom] *laughing* No, it isn't
[Gus] Ugh...And the baby? Unacceptable! Not acceptable!
You step away for two goddamn months- [Gus's mom] Oh, don't swear. No no no don't, don't swear like that, I mean you don't have to say g-d.
[Gus] step away from two g-d months *Gus's mom snorts*
I think we can all learn somethin' from this. This is something that I and that you- [Gus's mom] OH GOSH! [Gus] Bees around here.
*Gus's mom laughs*
You let bees come into the property? Unacceptable!
[Gus] I'll be right back [Gus's mom] What am I supposed to- Wait a minute! What am I supposed to do? [Gus] Get some- I don't know! Find an animal, film it!
Where once stood the mighty oak now rests...
...whatever this damn thing is. [Gus's mom] is this isn't as wholesome and uplifting as you last one. [Gus] Well, people can't be expected to have fun every video!
You know, God used to be present in these pines. I look around,
I don't see him ANYWHERE. I used to pray three times a day out here. I would sit on my knees out on those rocks, I'd pray.
I'd lay under the canoes. That was not to pray, that was cuz there were bees out here and I- they wouldn't get me if I was under the canoes.
I'd pray in that trailer. Well, actually the trailer was another kinda bee hideout *both burst out laughing*
What did you do?! What did you do?!
[Gus's mom] Uhh..one of the clothesline poles fell over. [Gus] Ahhh...
[Gus's mom] NO! [Gus] What?
[Gus's mom] *laughing* Do not do that again.
[Gus] Why'd you let that fall down down?
[Gus's mom] Rotted down, rotted away.
[Gus] It rotted down because you weren't tending to it. You need to varnish the wood, okay? It's outside. It's- isthisis temperate climate it can't survive.
[Gus's mom] Okay, we're not gonna do that gag again. [Gus] You're not gonna- you're not the editor. I'm sorry is your name mom. Or is my editor? Me.
I'm the editor, not you.
Polar fleece was a bad choice for this rainy day.
Mom and Dad used to let us go and just pee anywhere over there.
Now I try to do it and she yells at me. What happens- [Gus's mom] Don't get too close you look really gross. [Gus] when God cries?
Some say that the tears of the angels are the are the- are the raindrops that we feel on our houses and Chryslers.
Someone throwing shit out here?
Iusedtohaveawaterslideoutthe*coughs hoarsely*
I used to have a water slide out there and I went down it once and my dad said you can't go down there. Why did he do that?
*Gus's mom laughs* *Gus bursts out laughing once more*
[Gus's mom] You're gonna have to edit a lot of this out because this is- [Gus] This is all going in. [Gus's mom] *laughing* No. *Gus laughs*
[Gus] See that tree? One time I was climbing up there. My mom pushed me out of it.
[Gus's mom] Did not! [Gus] You did. My mom's pushed my out of every one of these trees back here.
Look at that. There used to be cornfields beyond the wildest eyes over there. Where're the cornfields now?!
[Gus's mom] They haven't been planted yet.
[Gus] Yet?! What's supposed to be: "Yet"? I follow the Christian calendar. What month of the year is "Yet"? January, February March, "YET"?!
Scriptures say *bursts out laughing yet again* in 1st Thessalonians, 2:10. God tells us. [Gus's mom] No, just don't- [Gus] I got-let me take this one.
Don't listen to your mom. [Gus's mom] Don't be blaspheming here. [Gus] Blasphemin'? I used to go ass-screamin' through those fields till you *both laugh*
There's a pizza crust that I threw out yesterday. This reminds me of my humble beginnings before I had YouTube money,
I used to eat these pieces of shit. Now I can afford to not do that.
Symbolic. [Gus's mom] They're way too close. I can't- [Gus] Can I come under your umbrella here? God tells us in the scriptures-
STAHP! LAND!
God tells us in- Stop!
[Gus's mom] Back up you're too close! [Gus] First Thessalonians. [Gus's mom] I can't even get you in- [Gus] God says,
*Gus's mom starts shushing* bless-ed be the guys who aren't gonna put up with their moms BS anymore. *Gus's mom laughs*
First Thessalonians- Get this outta my shot. [Gus's mom} *whispering* Arright.
I guess if I had to think of one word how to describe this whole experience,
It'd be that my mom really messed this one up *both burst out laughing one last time*
*Outro music*