[Music]
mingalaba over the 30 years i worked in
international development whenever we
talked about girls or women's
empowerment the men would ask what about
the boys and men we tried to explain
diplomatically that men already have
power with these gender and leadership
experiences I started women's leadership
retreat 16 years ago for the past six
years I focused on mama because we need
it here we have bright stars like door
I'm sorry but for every 10
parliamentarians only one is a woman I'm
talking about gender but gentlemen this
is your side of the story when I started
the retreat here the same question came
up what about the men two years ago I
introduced men's retreats and engaging
with these remarkable men convinced me
that we must also empower our boys and
men we now have a remarkable critical
mass of empowered men in the inland lake
area where couples have done the women's
and men's retreats these professional
couples live in a traditional society
yet the husband's support their wives in
their careers help with housework and
childcare and try to be equal partners
at home and at work
one couple Co own businesses and divide
leadership roles
according to whoever has the better
skills you may be thinking this sounds
more
like men losing power let's see if
you'll still think that after you hear
the whole story in the retreats
participants lived good leadership
traits every group comes up with almost
the same list a good leader is caring
and supportive flexible yet firm
consultative yet decisive a good speaker
and a listener these are some of the
modern leadership traits in global
literature our younger generations have
the same expectations as their
international peers but in small groups
they talk about a different reality it's
the do as I say
Nabi or the Lolo command style of
masculine traditional leadership not
surprising right showing respect because
of age or status is a big part of our
culture it's rooted in Buddhist belief
that men are spiritually superior young
Jerry up home Bodhi there and it's been
reinforced by 60 years of military rule
our cultural practices also reinforces
norms like the Buddhist Shambu
negotiation ceremony where boys are
dressed and paraded like kings
before becoming temporary novices on the
other hand for girls dressed as
princesses the ear-piercing or not when
ceremony is ornamental when we dug
deeper the women and men talked about
how they were told to behave as girls
and boys their lists tell a tale girls
are raised to support and care for
others while boys
room to be dominant and lead others to
be able what's striking is that the
values boys are pressured to be a man
our traditional leadership traits
assertive bold dominant tough to be able
to control themselves and others is a
huge part of becoming a man in the men's
retreats I have to coax them to talk to
each other a change in the gobby-o Java
and they'd say
yachiru nothing to talk about but once
they relax and drop their guards they
had a lot to share one man shared that
he sees as being under his wife's thumb
for helping with housework and childcare
gentle and caring men shed that they
tried to hide these traits because
they're called weak like a woman
some were bullied as boys and called gay
may mashaallah okok Anghiari
the result men are pressured to put up a
front of being tough and in charge hi MA
potential 9 de lo Han Seungyeon a in
today's democratic context tough-guy
leadership is not effective it took
decades of struggle to be free of
autocracy and we've seen that it gets
yes sir I'll do it right away
Hocus yeah chechen long live army and
then going off to do something else do
it half-heartedly or do nothing people
either don't dare to question or find it
does
pay so they use passive resistance we
are now in an era of open international
engagement our younger generations
question why things are done in a
certain way who need to be convinced and
inspired this context demands a new
brand of leadership modern leadership
traits said that the participants listed
have some aspects of traditional
leadership like being bold and decisive
but include equally important traits
like empathy consulting listening and
patience that are often called feminine
leadership traits perhaps you've seen
effective leaders balance leading boldly
from the front collaboratively from the
side and supportively from behind
depending on the situation and people
involved so doesn't it look like we need
to empower our boys and men to believe
that being caring and supportive our
strengths
when empowered men can resist the
pressures to always be in control and
can show their gentleness we'd have
leaders better suited for these times by
the end of the retreats all the men
became thoughtful they resolved to look
within themselves to find balance and
not to push their daughters wives and
husbands sorry
not husbands and female colleagues into
support roles
when men in power realize the gender
pressures that they face they understand
the opposite pressures on women and
appreciate the benefits of having
empowered women by their side we have
examples of such gender balance leaders
in our myths the men also realized that
they need to support each other to
withstand or push aside social pressures
as men who are tough and caring together
with their wives they're empowered and
lay men are trying to raise gender
balance sons and daughters what's
happening in LA and in some families
elsewhere can spread you can be the
generation to stop perpetuating these
outdated leadership styles imagine what
we can do as individuals and as a
society to have shared leadership in
your ma that will take us forward in the
21st century in our new democracy isn't
it time to shed the yoke of autocracy at
work and at home thank you
you