Keyboards...
Where would we be without all those keys.
Numbers.
Graphical Symbols.
BASIC commands....
I for one.
Do not know.
Because like it or lump it, we've had keyboards and their descendants for a long time, and
as input devices go, they seem to do the job pretty well.
But some keyboards just do the job better than others don't they? and this was particularly
true whilst the home micro was emerging, cost cutting was paramount and frankly, where in
the absence of knowing better, we just liked it or lumped it.
I hear people these days complain about not having cherry switches on their keyboards.
I've even had comments blasting me for using a non mechanical keyboard in day-to-day use.
Well, let me just say this.
If you've grown up using a ZX Spectrum keyboard, then a polished brick feels like luxury, and
as long as I can type without breaking my fingers or hitting the wrong keys, then I
am as happy as a pig in the filthiest of sh..[static hiss].
But that being said, the keyboard was our main connection to this wonderful and fascinating
world, and for me, the look and feel of the keyboards I've used over the years, is a strong,
nostalgic memory.
From the raised keys of the spongy, yet clunky Commodore 64 to the marshmallow like bounce
found in the Atari ST and even the clackety, yet responsive half keyboard of the Amiga
600.
Placing these blissful memories aside however, it's easy to take a subjective view of how
poor some of these data entry devices really were, and many just felt like an after-thought.
So, here then, from a general usability point of view, are the worst 5 keyboards I've used
in my life.
Number 5.
The ZX Spectrum+
During 1984, a lot of things were happening with the home micro scene.
Amstrad launched their CPC, Commodore were gaining traction with their 64, and many companies
were falling by the way-side.
With this in mind, Sinclair thought it was time to revitalise their Spectrum model by
gifting it a "real" keyboard.
This was the result.
On the outset, it seems pretty nice.
Each key has a finger shaped molding, everything is laid out clearly, and there's even a reasonable
travel distance on key press.
Underneath the plastic keys, is a rubber switch mat which then depresses onto a membrane,
all held in place with a metal back plate.
It was a quick, cheap and cheerful solution for improving the existing Spectrum keyboard,
and an improvement it indeed was.
But I have a few gripes.
First is that the keys are very close together, making touch typing, a touch difficult.
Second, the keyboard itself is raised considerably off the ground, and there's no wrist support.
Given that the electronics are stored below, it's part of the parcel, but even with the
support legs extended, it makes for a very tiresome typing position.
Third; the keyboard is just so flat.
It's hard to press a key without pressing any other keys at the same time, and this
is especially true if you have fat fingers.
The keys themselves require reasonable pressure, and once this pressure is met, they give instantly,
popping back up like a character from those arcade bashing machines.
If you're using 48k BASIC, then the built in key commands do take some of the typing
chore out of proceedings, but this is a learning curve in itself, and I have only admiration
for those who used one of these models to code on in a professional sense.
Number 4.
The ZX Spectrum
This might seem like I'm picking on Sinclair, but regardless of how much I love Sinclair
machines, it's a sad reality that their keyboards, although somewhat innovative, where an upsetting
misery to use for any extended period of time.
The original Spectrum's keyboard used the same principle as the plus, just without the
plastic keys on top.
Instead we have rubber keys which make contact directly with the keyboard membrane underneath,
making for a somewhat squishy experience.
If you've ever used one of those crappy electronic musical keyboards, with the feature select
switches, then you know what I'm talking about.
Typing on a Spectrum keyboard is a bizarre experience.
You feel like you're using a data entry point for a door.
Some kind of electronic product you just tap a few buttons on and leave.
But no, if you're programming on this thing, then you're in for a distressing time.
Apart from the obvious rubber key situation, there's the issue of accessibility.
Half the keys, including the directional arrows are tucked away under other keys requiring
combinations of Caps Shift and Symbol Shift to access them, and if you want to use the
space bar, you either have to grow an extra thumb on your right hand, become amazingly
adept with your little finger, or just move your entire hand.
We know why Sinclair did it, we know Rick Dickinson's design looks beautiful in it's
construction, but flipping 'eck.
It's a pain to use.
Number 3.
The ZX80/ZX81
And so we peel back yet another layer on the Sinclair machines.
This time, the rubber layer disappears altogether.
Allowing the user to type directly onto the keyboard membrane, perhaps allowing them to
feel more at one with their digital device.....
No.
This very basic method introduces the least responsive tactile experience you're ever
likely to have with a computer.
The layout is fairly similar to the Spectrum, but at least you have something squishy to
squish with the Spectrum.
With this, it's just like pressing on a desk.
The only way you really know if you've been successful with your press is the corresponding
output on the television.
Sinclair did manage to produce a home micro for an unbelievably low price at the time,
and unfortunately this keyboard was just one sacrifice to make it possible.
Still, we didn't care at the time.
We had a frickin' Computer man!
Number 2.
The Philips Videopac G7000
Known in North America as the Magnavox Odyssey 2, or Magnavox Odyssey Squared, this is really
a console more than a computer, but it does have a keyboard and you can indeed run BASIC
on it.
So in that sense, it makes perfect sense of include it here.
Released in 1978, this machine actually arrived before the ZX80, and for the most part you
could just use the joysticks to play games, but when you did come to use the keyboard,
you damn well wished you hadn't.
We have the same tactile issues as the ZX80 and 81, but this time, the keys are less responsive,
they're narrow and they're just laid out in an unpleasing fashion.
I mean we at least have a space bar at the bottom, but you're more likely to press it
with your fingers than your thumbs.
The layout just oozes unfriendliness for normal typing and the fact that the unit is quite
high off the ground just rubs salt into those bitter wounds.
It's also indented into the case, which just makes for an uncomfortable experience, and
a well deserved 2nd place on this list.
So...
Number 1...
The Oric 1.
Released in 1983, the Oric 1 is in many ways much like the ZX Spectrum.
It's small, it's got 48K of RAM, it's got BASIC, and it has a very strange keyboard.
Now, on first glance, you might think that actually this keyboard isn't too bad.
After all, it's got realistic plastic keys, and it even has a space bar front and middle,
just like all good keyboard layouts should have.
But christ on a bicycle.
It's like someone has taken a bunch of tic-tacs, glued them to the ZX Spectrum's rubber keys
and then gone; alrighty then, job done.
It's disgusting to use.
Not only are the keys small, knobbly and hard to hit.
They feel like they're balancing on a bowl of jelly.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like the Oric-1, and I can see how they were trying to try
and get one over on the Spectrum with harder keys, more like a proper computer.
But it just doesn't work, and its by far the worst keyboard I have personally used, in
my life.
Now there are plenty of other atrotious keyboards about.
Some I haven't had the pleasure of using, but you can just tell by looking at them that
they're.... urghhhh.
So if you have any unpleasant keyboard experiences, please share them with me in the comments,
as we all tend to our calloused fingers.
I also wanted to point out that I find these keyboards part of the charm of these old computers,
and I wouldn't change them for the world.
They're part of the nostalgia, they're part of what made them cheap.
They are part of history, and for that reason, I wouldn't change them for the world.
Thanks for watching.
Stay tuned for more keyboard babbles, but most of all, have yourself a great evening.
See ya!