- [Fred] How do you feel about my bullet bra?
- Holy shit! (laughs)
- Bras!
- They've been torturing women since the dawn of time.
- But have they always been as uncomfortable
as they are now?
- We've decided to try some vintage and ultra vintage bras.
- To see what it was like to walk a mile
in our an-sisters' boobs.
- It's Ladylike and this week we're trying historic bras.
(old-timey piano music)
(logo whooshes)
(hinge creaks)
- So we are gonna be trying some historic bras.
We want to focus on things that
just supported the boobular area,
unlike things that sort of shape the whole body
like a corset.
- Also, the word bra wasn't really coined
until the early 20th century,
so these were just more like boob support.
- Yeah, I mean, one of them is a bra,
and one of them is just a thing you wrap around your chest
so that the wild animals won't get to ya. (Fred laughs)
- We cannot alter or change any of these bras.
- Nope.
- We are gonna be wearing them true to history.
- Mm-hmm.
So we're gonna be trying three bras from history.
- The first bra we're gonna try
is gonna be one from ancient Greece and Rome.
It's called the Strophion.
- [Kristin] They're pieces of linen that we're gonna wrap
artfully around our midsections, and hope for the best.
- Yeah, it's kind of like a breast band.
- I don't know how supportive it's gonna be.
There aren't really straps,
it's basically just sort of like
(imitates tying knots) knots.
- (imitates wrapping chest) Seatbelts.
- The second bra we're gonna try is actually
the first bra that was ever patented in the United States.
- [Fred] This bra is from 1914.
The woman who patented this bra,
she wanted it to be thinner and much more free
than the traditional corset.
It's very easy-breezy.
- Yeah.
- [Fred] Debatable if 90s kerchief tops were halter or not,
but this is not halter, this is just like two straps.
It's kinda like an apron too.
It reminds me of an apron.
- Yeah, it's a bib for people who
can't be trusted to keep their bib on.
- [Fred] So the third bra is going to be the bullet bra,
or the torpedo bra,
and that was popularized in the 40s and 50s.
- It's like you have a compass attached to you,
so wherever you're pointing,
it's like that's the direction you're going in.
- Yep.
- So these bras were really popular
with film stars in the 40s and 50s.
They would wear sweaters over them so you could see
their unnaturally cone-shaped boobs.
- It's dramatically not the shape of a normal boob,
it's just very pointy.
We did hear through the grapevine that
many of them may have stuffed the remaining space
from between their boob and the cone.
- So we're gonna do that.
I don't know how supportive it's gonna be.
- I think I'm the most nervous about the bullet bra.
Just how it's gonna look.
Like, I'm nervous about
the way it's gonna look in my clothes.
- [Kristin] I'm so excited for this, though! (Fred laughs)
You're gonna be like,
"Hello, notice anything different about me?"
You're gonna catch a lot more crumbs.
It's gonna be great.
- Yeah, I will.
Okay, cool, so should we try them on?
- Let's do it.
- Let's try it on.
(whoosh)
- It's time to try on the Greco-Roman bra!
How're you doin', Fred?
Are you ready? - [Fred] I'm ready!
- [Kristin] I don't think I can do this on my own!
I need your help, Fred.
- All right. Coming. - Okay.
What are you...
- [Fred] It's just long.
- Do you, okay (laughs) all right, I'll go help you.
- [Fred] How many feet is this thing?
- [Kristin] I don't know, too many feet. (Fred laughs)
I think we both hoped that maybe this would work on our own,
but I think it's very clear that it requires four hands.
- [Fred] Yeah, plethoral seams.
- [Kristin] Are there multiple seams?
- [Fred] Damn it. - [Kristin] God damn it!
Nope, that's wrong.
- [Fred] Literally how did anyone do this alone?
- [Kristin] How, what? - [Fred] They didn't.
- [Kristin] Who was on bra duty, today in the village?
- [Fred] (deep voice) Hold on, Sally!
- [Kristin] Okay. (constricted voice) Oh! Okay, okay,
nope, nope, too tight.
(Fred laughs) Too, ow!
If you fuck up one layer of this, the whole,
- [Fred] The whole thing is, yeah,
- [Kristin] The whole Jenga tower comes down.
- [Fred] The front looks great.
- [Kristin] Yeah, the front looks great.
- [Fred] All right, let's do it!
- [Kristin] Let's do it.
- We did it! - We did it!
- How's it feel?
- It feels good, actually.
- How long did that take us?
- A long time.
I did a not terrible job.
Yeah, I'm packed in.
I'm the Pac-10 Conference.
- I mean, there's definitely (both laugh)
- What?
I don't know how good boobs look like this,
but they're definitely not,
- Oh yeah, they're, they're there to stay.
They're not going, - They're not goin' far.
- I feel like this is an outfit where I just,
like, go on a date, listen to some jazz,
drink some red wine.
- Yeah, like the Greco-Romans did.
I'm curious as to see what it would look like under a shirt.
'Cause it is,
- Bulky.
- Yeah.
(perky accordion and guitar music)
- [Kristin] All right, it's time for the 1914 bra!
- [Fred] I'm tyin' the straps in the back.
All right.
- [Kristin] Yeah, this one is simpler. (both laugh)
I'm already halfway done.
- [Fred] Does it tie into a bow?
- I tied mine into a bow.
Yeah, it might be kinda see-through.
- Oh, look!
We have some tape.
- [Kristin] This is the last time I'm
taping my nipples for a video, by the way!
- [Fred] Mmkay, I'm comin' out.
- You ready?
- Va va voom!
- Okay, you know what?
This looks great on you.
- Thank you!
- You look awesome. This is a complete outfit.
- This is very cute, actually.
- Very cute, but I think you can see my nipples.
- Well, luckily we'll be wearing this under
- Clothes.
- Something else. Like, we'll be wearing it under clothes.
- Because it is a bra.
It's not, it is meant to be worn under clothes.
- Yeah. - It looks so good on you,
I'm like, (Fred laughs) kind of mad.
- The material's great.
I feel very comforted by it.
It reminds me of just, like,
I don't know why it reminds me of Grandma.
- This is a look.
Like, you can wear this to, like, an event,
you know, with a bra underneath.
- Yeah. - This is very cute,
and it looks great with this skirt.
- Yeah, it's actually ador--I really like it.
- Yeah. - It's really, really cute.
I think that if you walked out in the street
in 1914 like this, people would be like-- (gasps)
- (stuffy man voice) Harlot!
- (judgmental voice) Call your mother!
- (stuffy man voice) Jezebel!
(Kristin laughs)
- Ooh! Cover his children's eyes, shuffles away.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Fred] Bullet bra, a.k.a. torpedo bra,
is comin' on right now, yeah!
- [Kristin] I can tell you this right now,
that these cones are not gonna stand up on their own.
So I'm gonna have to stuff this bra.
- [Fred] I feel like I could fit
a half a cup of Greek yogurt
in between my boob and the end of the cone.
- [Kristin] My pointy tits.
- Look at how pointy it is! - [Kristin] Can you see?
(both laugh)
- [Fred] Okay, I'm having actually a little bit of trouble.
- Do you need help?
- [Fred] Eeee--
- Yeah, okay. All right, all right. (Fred laughs)
I love how you're just like-- (grunts)
Did people actually be like,
"Wow, that's the way that boobs are actually shaped!"
Yeah, you're basically packing your peanuts.
(record scratch)
That did not come out right. (Fred laughs)
No wonder no one had invented the internet yet.
They were busy stuffin' their tits with shit!
- [Fred] Ohhhh.
- [Kristin] Oh shit, am I fucking,
nope, nope, I didn't fuck it up.
- I think you should just come out.
- [Kristin] Okay. You ready?
- [Fred] I'm ready!
- [Kristin] Oh, god. (both laugh)
- I'm into it, it's a look.
(Kristin laughs)
- The quilting pattern is just like two little bullseyes.
- There's like no place else to look but here.
- You are hitting both targets.
It's amazing that there's, like, no underwire here.
- Yeah.
- This is all quilting.
- Sexretary, here I come.
Phone call on line three.
So, how does it feel?
- It feels pointy.
It definitely feels, like, lumpy.
Like it's, like you have to stuff these.
- Yeah. I feel like this just needs just, like,
a tad bit more tissue under here.
But, aside from that I thin you did a great job.
(cheerful big band music)
- Okay, so we're gonna try all of these bras for a day
and see how we like them.
- Shimmies out of frame.
- Let's do it!
- Okay, so it is day one.
We are going to be wearing our Greco-Roman sashes.
- But first we need to put them on.
- Yep.
- And that's where our troubles begin! (Fred laughs)
This is like having
the world's longest piece of toilet paper
stuck to your whole body.
You're just comin' out of the bathroom and it's like,
(laughs) do I have any toilet paper stuck to my shoe?
And everyone's like, "Yes."
- [Fred] Do you feel supported-ish?
- [Kristin] Well, we have lots to go.
(Fred laughs) So there's still time.
- [Fred] There is time.
- [Kristin] I'm ready to go look at some antiquities.
(both laugh) Nah, I'm not.
I'm just gonna go back to my desk.
Feelin' flat, feelin' floppy?
I'm feelin' both.
- I feel like with every step
it's just making its way down my torso.
- Every step it keeps makin' its way downtown.
- Yep.
Today we're wearing Greco-Roman bras.
- So it's like a mummy.
- This is a whole cheeseburger.
- You've mummified your boobs.
- I know, they're very scary.
- I dunno, it doesn't seem like it would offer much support.
Also, itchy.
- Yeah, I'm not really tightly bound
and I'm also not bound to this experience,
so I'm excited for this day to be over. (Kristin laughs)
(laughter)
- [Man In Red] Yeah, it has that kind of abused look to it,
I'm just like, are you okay, did you hurt yourself?
- [Kristin] Love fashion that makes people wonder
if we've hurt ourselves.
(all laugh)
It's the end of the day for us.
- End of Day One with the Greco-Roman bra.
- The Greco-No-man bra. (Fred laughs)
- [Fred] Kristin, you okay down there?
- [Kristin] Don't try to take this thing off!
(whoosh) - So we are wearing the 1914 bra today.
- We sure are!
You know, I mean, it's soakin' up the sweat.
Of all the boob problems I could have,
we can scratch swamp boobs right off the list.
- Ding! (high-pitched bell rings)
- Yet the other problems still remain.
- I feel that, I mean also,
I'm really into the way the back looks.
Kind of the way I styled it with my overalls,
the back kind of dips really low, and that's very summery.
- I didn't really think that hard
before I put this dress on.
I guess necklines were probably
much higher in 1914 than they are now.
Whoops!
- It looks like an apron.
- What do you think of my super cool bra?
- Where is it? Is it visible?
- It's this.
- Oh! That's cool. Kinda looks like a tank top.
- It is the first patented bra ever.
- I like bras that feel like shirts
because I feel like comfort is so important.
Does it actually support you?
- Uh, no.
- Oh, all right,
then fuck this bra, it's dumb. (Kristin laughs)
- I feel like you look like a chill California person,
like this is something you'd wear
with any sort of culottes or anything.
- It's weird that 1914 bra is 2017 LA. (both laugh)
- It does look a little old-fashioned.
It protrudes out of your dress.
- Yeah, the thing is that I didn't realize that
necklines were much higher.
I mean, I did realize it,
but I didn't care when I was getting dressed
and then I was like, oh. (Kristin laughs)
- One part that reveals it's not part of your dress
is that the straps are different.
- The thing about fashion is that
you can never have too many straps. (man laughs)
- I'm obsessed with this 1914 bra, especially in the heat,
because there's no swamp boobs!
- All right, it's the end of the day, not bad!
You know, I don't need to take it off.
I mean, I'm gonna, 'cause, like,
no clothes is the best clothes, but--
Okay. (whoosh)
- So I'm wearing the 1940s and 50s bullet bra today.
I've been dreading it,
I've been trying to put it off for as long as possible.
And it looks, like, okay, until you turn to the side.
They look kinda good.
But, like, they are out there.
- It turns out that none of the clothes I own
actually have enough boob space for the cone bra.
I sort of had to just find something that was stretchy.
Turns out, when they sell clothes today,
they're supposed to actually fit your boobs.
- Hey, Madonna!
- [Fred] Hello.
- What's happening? (both laugh)
- [Fred] You know.
- I was cruising up, I was like,
oh, look at this outfit and then you turned. (both laugh)
So people wore this?
- [Fred] Yeah.
- Like, daily? - [Fred] Yeah.
- From the side you just look extra perky
but then when you turn it's like-- (both laugh)
- Pokes an eye.
- Pokes an eye! (both laugh)
- I'm feeling so self-conscious,
I'm taking back entrances and exits to get places
so people don't have to look at me, and these. (groans)
And of course I have to run an errand during lunch,
I can't stay inside.
It's fine. I'm just in the pharmacy.
I think it's fine, I don't think anyone really gives a shit.
(laughs)
- [Kristin] Stupid tits!
- [Blonde Woman] Wait, did I hear you say stupid tits?
- Yes!
- What's goin' on? What are you doing?
- [Kristin] They're, like, look at them!
- [Blonde Woman] You diggin' for gold down there?
- [Kristin] Boop! Wow! (both laugh)
It's Boob Jenga!
- This is a bomb-ass outfit
and then you turned to the side
and suddenly became like a cartoon character.
Who knew pointy boobs meant power woman, but they do.
- [Fred] They do.
- You've just said a statement, Fred.
- It's comfortable to wear,
but if I were to run into something,
it would be like a collision.
- This bra is the official bra of tree murder.
- This bra is brought to you by Charmin.
- You know what, I noticed it,
but I didn't want to point out,
like whoa, your boobs are really perky today!
(Fred laughs)
- I'm very respectful, Freddie, you know.
We're friends. But, no, don't do that.
(both laugh)
- Oh my god, it's sharp!
- Wait, wha--? (Kristin laughs)
This is the bullet bra, this is like the cool bra.
- Why is it so sharp?
- It's so people won't forget where the nipples are.
- You know what's funny, when you're in high school
and you have to give a presentation
in front of (laughs) a bunch of people,
my worst fear was to always have nips that people could see.
And here we are, and the rest of you is just a light snack.
(both laugh)
- I've been self-conscious most of the day,
but then depending on what reactions I get from people,
I'm like, "Oh, it looks good, it's cute."
It's a vibe, it's Mad Men, you know.
I think the bra would serve better on its own,
kind of as a look,
as opposed to being an actual bra
that you would wear under clothes.
Because I think this way is just, yikes!
- We tried bras from history!
- The first day was the Greco-Roman piece of fabric
that just kept going.
- That was not a bra.
That was a dish towel that got out of control.
- [Fred] It definitely was reminiscent
of a piece of toilet paper that just keeps going and going.
Because I don't have much,
it was very easy for it to slide down throughout the day.
- I didn't think of that.
What ended up happening with me
is that the bottom layer stayed, but
layers two through five slowly crept down my nips.
- So the Greco-Roman bra was definitely
the most difficult to get on.
Even though we had help, it was still a struggle.
- Honestly, I think we needed three people.
- Yeah. We've done a lot of day tries.
This Greco-Roman bra took more explaining
than any other try that we've done.
- So, what letter grade would you give the Greco-Roman bra?
- When the Greco-Roman bra is properly tied,
I would give it a C plus.
- What would you give it when it's not properly tied?
(both laugh) - A D minus.
- Okay. I would say a B minus.
- [Fred] Okay.
- A B minus for me.
So they second bra we tried was the first patented bra.
- It was a 90s handkerchief.
- It's a kerchief top.
- Yeah. I felt like I was just gallivanting around
with an apron underneath my overalls.
But it was an apron that just went to the belly button.
- You were cookin' somethin'.
I mean, I was,
'cause with the amount of underboob sweat I had,
I was cookin' somethin'.
- It gave zero support,
but I did feel like a free bird.
- [Kristin] You look cute. - [Fred] Thank you.
- It looked cute on you.
Honestly, I was like,
you could just wear this as a top. And you did.
- Yeah, that was the vibe
that I think I had. - It was really cute.
It was not supportive at all.
It was weirdly hot.
It's basically a bralette.
- A B plus. (bell rings)
Even though it didn't give the support that I needed,
I felt very comfortable in it,
and, I don't know, it was a cute vibe.
- I definitely gave that bra a C minus. C minus.
- That's fair.
- All of those points are for aesthetics,
so you're gettin' by on looks, baby!
- Okay, so the last bra we tried was the 1940s bullet bra.
- [Kristin] The thing is, the bigger the boob is,
the more you have to stuff.
'Cause the more you have to put in there to get that cone.
- We probably could have stuffed our bullet bra
with the Greco-Roman fabric.
- Probably. That would have been more effective.
- Yeah.
- Every time I would lean over,
sometimes toilet paper would fall out.
(Fred laughs)
- I was so self-conscious
when I first walked out of the bathroom
into the general office area.
And, granted, these are my coworkers
that I'm friends with, that I'm close with,
they always see me trying on wacky things,
but I was really insecure.
- Yeah. Same. I kept hitting people with mine (Fred laughs)
Once you get a bullet bra that size,
you kinda have to worry a lot about
the structural integrity of the tip.
So I kept having to re-stuff the tip.
'Cause then if you don't make sure it's pointy,
you have one that's, like, here,
and one that's, like, there.
- People were like, "Oh, you look cute,"
'cause they liked the pencil skirt outfit,
and then I'd turn to the side and they'd be like, "Whoa!"
- Ah-woo-ga!
- It is interesting that back in the day,
those were emphasized.
I think that pointed bullet bras
were meant to be like nipples.
- Crazy?
- Yeah, and then it became taboo,
and it's just interesting how much of a cycle everything is.
- That is wild.
(bell rings) - [Fred] A B minus.
- [Kristin] I would also give it a B minus.
Yeah! 'Cause I thought it was cute, okay.
- Yeah, it was cute.
- It's not practical, but it's really cute.
- Yeah.
- I learned that bra technology has come so far.
Like, we complain a lot about bras,
but it used to be way worse.
- Oh yeah.
- Way worse!
- I have respect for our foremothers.
I have respect for everyone who helped to evolve the bra
into being something that made more and more sense
with support and comfort.
- Can you imagine a person
who made really uncomfortable bras
being visited by the ghosts of boobs past?
- Yes. (laughs)
- On one magical night, in the morning you evolve and become
a person who actually makes a bra people like!
Learn from the past, Ebenezer Boob!
- Historical bras. Lady tested.
- Ladies have come a long way.
- Long way.
- Long way. - Long way.
- I feel more energetic now.
Like maybe that boob shape brings us more energy.
I feel a little pep in my step.
(jaunty big band music)
Your boobs look erect. (laughter)
It looks--it's a little caffeine push for me.