hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so in this week's
video I wanted to dive into what is the difference between the honeymoon phase
and a normal healthy relationship versus the honeymoon phase in a
narcissistically abusive relationship a viewer reached out recently with this
topic and I thought it was such a great idea because I definitely get this
question often and what people want to know is really how can I spot this
person and that beginning phase because it seems so confusing so I'm gonna go
into in this video the difference between the honeymoon phase and a normal
relationship and a narcissistic narcissistically abusive relationship
and also what you can do when you are out there dating to help yourself spot
someone who is emotionally abusive possibly narcissistic etc so when we
think out the honeymoon phase really what we think of is that beginning phase
the relationship where everything is amazing sex is great we're smitten with
each other we want to spend all this time together or on the phone till 2:00
in the morning you know the conversation is great we always look our best we're
showing the best version of ourselves we haven't gotten into any fights yet we
haven't really experienced life together this is just that stress-free fun phase
of the relationship now it is really hard to tell the difference between that
phase in a normal relationship versus that with someone who is narcissistic or
a sociopath etc now the honeymoon phase with a narcissist is very very similar
this person is extremely charming they almost seem too good to be true
they're definitely smitten with you really on a level where they almost
think you're or do think that you're their soulmate and they have these grand
gestures of romance they have just put you on this pedestal
you come above everyone else just like the honeymoon phase with a normal person
the honeymoon phase with a narcissist is very very similar they're in awe of you
they're charming they're smitten with you too they adore you they're showing
you with gifts and compliments they're promising you the world all these grand
romantic gestures are being done so while that phase with a narcissist looks
very similar to someone who's healthy what the difference is is that
an anyone that's been in this situation knows what this feels like it's just too
much there's too much going on in that honeymoon phase so you know they're
already telling you that you're their soul mate that they found the love of
their life that you're it you know they have put you on such a pedestal that it
almost seems uncomfortable and when you're dating someone who's healthy is
emotionally healthy mentally healthy that beginning phase of the relationship
while everything is amazing and the sex is great and we're not getting into any
fights and everything is new and fun and fresh we also have an experienced life
together so we haven't gone through things to really build that relationship
muscle that I like to call where then we feel real love for each other that
friendship has been built that trust has been formed we haven't really
established those important you know things in a relationship that it needs
in order for it to sustain and grow whereas what the narcissist they're
already jumping into you know moving in together a marriage I love you you're
the one it's just very rushed very fast and so that is the difference because
someone that's healthy while they might be smitten with you and they might be
infatuated with you for sure they still don't know you so they're not gonna give
everything to you whereas the narcissus is giving themselves up really really
quickly and if you're coming from that wound place from that lack place you're
gonna just eat all that up because it's gonna look amazing to you because that's
what you have always wanted and they're longing for because you haven't learned
how to fill yourself up inside and so when the narcissus does all these grand
gestures you think oh my god I've actually found this person they seem
almost too good to be true and you become infatuated and in awe with them
and you start falling in love with them and that's exactly what the narcissus
wants the honeymoon phase for them is just them grooming you for you to fall
in love with them so the abuse can actually happen so when you're with
someone who's narcissistically abusive or has a personality disorder the what
happens in that relationship is the honeymoon
happens and then the devaluing phase and the tension happens and that's where the
the bulk majority of the abuse actually takes place that's where the gaslighting
happened that's where the passive aggressive behavior happens the
put-downs the criticism that's when they start ignoring you withholding affection
isolating you from family and friends you know all of that abuse takes place
and that devaluing part of the abusive cycle after the devalue usually comes
the discard or the violence of the relationship so sometimes the discard
will happen and the narcissist or sociopath or abuser will basically
discard you just out of nowhere after this abuse has actually happened that
they're just done with you because they found a new source of supply or this is
where the violence in the relationship happens and if the discard happens
either from you where you basically are standing up for yourself now and you see
this abuse and you're not taking any longer and you start setting boundaries
what's gonna happen is you're gonna get that honeymoon phase from the abuser and
then the cycle just continues so that's if the discard phase doesn't happen and
the violence happens it's the same exact thing or you basically say I'm done I
don't deserve this I don't want to put up with us anymore and then the
honeymoon phase actually it happens again where they become charming they're
smitten with you again they make you a priority so the difference between an
unhealthy abusive relationship versus a healthy relationship is that cycle never
happens in a healthy relationship so we don't go from amazing to abuse to
discard or violence or whatever and then we circle right back round again what
happens in a normal relationship is yeah we might have this early stage in the
relationship where we're infatuated with each other and we are just smitten in
the sexist grade and we're not fighting but over time we start to show our true
colors this is who we are we'd start to experience life together
and by experiencing life together that like I said builds that relationship
muscle and then we move on to these different phases or different layers in
the relationship and we can always come back to the honeymoon phase I mean there
are some couples that can stay in that or have stayed in that phase their
entire relation where of course they've had fights and
they've had situations or experiences in their relationship that were difficult
but they always come back to that simple time of just being smitten in love with
each other it's that point where we're mindful and conscious of the fact that
we need to make our relationship in each other or priority and get back to
communicating loving each other you know open ourselves up to not just our kids
and work and family and things that's work but really each other and just
sitting and talking and staying in that simple place that we were in when we
first started dating that's the honeymoon phase in a normal healthy
relationship it can come and go but that's what it looks like the
narcissistically abusive relationship like I said it's that cycle that tends
to happen over and over again now when you're out there dating we're how you
can really spot this is by you know the rushing of the relationship and if
you've asked anyone that has been in that situation the number one thing that
they'll tell you is not only did that person over time lack empathy which is
the biggest red flag of someone who's narcissistic but also that they just
felt something they didn't listen to their intuition they felt like something
was off and this person wasn't someone that they would normally be attracted to
and normally be into and they just kind of like let things go because that
person was so charming or they just won them over so that would be my biggest
piece of advice that when you're out there dating trust your intuition so I
hope that this has helped you guys understand the difference between a
normal healthy relationship that honeymoon phase versus that honeymoon
phase in an abusive relationship and really what the difference is is that
the abuser is grooming you for something either they want you to forgive them or
they want more narcissistic supply whereas someone that is healthy the
point of that honeymoon phase is connection is to enjoy each other is to
grow is to communicate is to love so what what each person is looking for in
that phase versus the abuse it's while it seems similar the phases
you will definitely know and get a sense intuitively as to whether this person is
unhealthy versus healthy so again I hope that that has helped you guys out there
please keep all the comments coming I absolutely love reading them each and
every week don't forget to follow me on social media I will link that all down
below and if you are interested in private coaching I will link that down
below as well and I will see you next week