-Before I got hired as a writer,
I was doing stand-up in New York.
I had just headlined my first club, ever.
I was only able to headline
'cause I was on that show "Best Week Ever."
You remember that? We'd be in front
of colored pieces of paper.
I remember this girl didn't wanna talk to me at a bar
and I was on the eL train home and I was like, "Well,
at least I'm on TV tonight." [ Laughter ]
I don't know if that's a good attitude in life to have.
[ Laughing ]
It was the summer of 2008.
I got a call from what was then called Endeavor, now called WME.
"Saturday Night Live is having their studio tests on Thursday.
They would like you to audition."
This was August 5th, Tuesday.
August 7th was Thursday.
I said, "Yes, okay."
I remember thinking, "I'm not going to get it, but,
I'll go and I'll do my favorite like four minutes of stand-up."
So we audition downstairs
in what was Conan's studio, on 6.
And I saw Lorne Michaels right away.
He was in the hallway and he was on the phone.
I went into the waiting room of everyone waiting to audition.
It was Nick Kroll, T.J. Miller,
Ellie Kemper, Donald Glover,
Bobby Morning. -This smells like peppa
up in here.
-Guess who got it.
Everyone had been saying like,
"They don't laugh."
So I went out and I did like four minutes
and I heard laughing.
Here are some of my favorite people
that appear on "Law & Order."
[ New York accent ] Upset? Nah.
She was smilin'.
Guy she was with didn't look
too happy, though. [ Laughter ]
Thank you very much.
[ Applause ]
I went home that weekend to Chicago
and I was at a restaurant and a 212 number called
and I told my mom to shut up!
And -- [ Laughs ]
And I picked it up and it was Seth Meyers
and he said, "We wanna offer you
a writing job on the show." I said, "Yes."
He goes, "I wanna be clear.
Like this is not the cast."
And I was like, "I wanna be clear.
I would never think I'd be in the cast."
Sometimes you're hired here
and you won't meet Lorne for months, sometimes a year.
Bobby Moynihan was hired as the cast.
-I was the only writer hired
and I was in Steve Higgins' office.
So Steve said, "Hey, Lorne's here.
He wants to talk to you."
I remember I was in an orange T-shirt
and I said, "Am I underdressed?"
And Steve said, "No."
[ Laughing ] I walked down the hall and I went in.
I said, "Hi," you know, and he said, "Hi."
He said, "You're from Chicago?"
And I said, "Yeah," and he goes,
"Now, you're here." And he said,
"And your family's in Chicago?"
And I said, "Yeah. I'm the third
of four.
I have two older siblings."
And he said, "I know everything about you."
I think he meant, "I have met your kind
[ Laughing ] many times."
The first show week was the first time that Tina Fey
played Sarah Palin. -Live from New York,
it's Saturday Night!
-That show was hosted by Michael Phelps.
And I was walking out of pitch and Andy Samberg was like,
"I wanna do that Mark Spitz thing."
And I was like, "Yeah."
There was a Mark Spitz talk show.
I said, "I thought maybe his bandleader
could be Eliot Spitzer and the Spitzerfrenics,"
and Bill Hader walked up and was like, "I do Eliot Spitzer."
This sounds like a movie where people meet too easily.
I was really scared that writing night,
but I'd never laughed so hard in my life, writing with them.
Then I went back to Greenpoint, Brooklyn,
at like 5:00 in the morning
and I woke up at 1:00 and the read-through was at 3:00.
I took a taxi 'cause I was like, "I gotta get there on time,"
and then the bridge between Greenpoint
and Long Island City went up.
I was like, "Oh, my God. I'm gonna be late."
I got into Midtown.
It was like 2:50.
Read-through starts at 3:00.
I got out [ Laughing ] of the taxi
and I sprinted down Fifth Avenue.
I got there and I said, "Am I late?"
And they said, "Lorne's not here and read-through
[ Laughing ] probably won't start for another two hours."
That was the beginning of
a new relationship with time.
-Activia Testimonial take 1. [ Clack ]
-My first season was really fun because Simon Rich,
Marika Sawyer, and I worked together a lot.
I was lucky to have a lot of stuff in the show,
so I was around Lorne a good deal.
And then I went to Chicago that summer
to scout for people to be on the show.
This trip, by the way, was very flattering to be asked to be on.
We did not fly regular airline.
[ Laughs ] That was like being in a car in the sky
and everyone was acting like it is normal.
We're flying into Chicago
and I was looking at the skyline.
Steve Higgins started narrating
what I was thinking, which was,
[ Changes accent ] "You mother[bleep]
You said I wouldn't be nothin'.
Now, I'm landin' in a private plane.
You [bleep] ass[bleep], look at me now.
I'm with Lorne Michaels."
Going to Chicago, where I am from,
where I lived, in the city, not far from Wrigley Field,
with Lorne, it was like I was going
to Chicago for the first time.
We went to a Cubs game.
We get into Wrigley Field and Lorne goes,
"Let's get hats" [ Laughing ] and we go
and we've all buy Cubs hats.
He bought me a Cubs hat, which I still have.
Then, the second season was exciting.
It was still just exciting to be a writer
and then Lorne came up to me and he said,
"I want you to do something on 'Update.'"
Right before I went out there, Lorne walked up to me.
He went, "Look in the lens
and let your face relax." [ Laughs ]
-Here, now, with a special editorial on the subject,
is one of our writers, John Mulaney.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Thank you, Seth.
Thank you.
I always felt
he enjoyed the work I was doing
and there was a point where I had been here
like three and a half, four years
and I was getting a little cranky.
I remember we had this sketch called the "Kissing Family"
and we had one set at an airport.
I was mad about something that week.
We're in the meeting on Tuesday and I said, We're working
on a 'Kissing Family' with Bill and Fred,"
and he goes, "Where is it set?" I was like,
"They're saying goodbye at an airport."
And he said, "You can't have it at the airport.
They have the ropes, the velvet ropes,"
and I don't think he was describing a commercial airport.
And I said, "Where do you want me to set it?
I'll set it wherever you want it."
And he was like, "It can be an airport."
I go, "Just tell me where you want it set
and I'll put it in there.
Anywhere. It's the Kissing Family.
It can go anywhere."
And -- [ Laughing ]
I was a young man. I was a --
I didn't know how to deal with anger.
So what he would do is he would tell me a story.
In the story was the lesson you were supposed to know.
There was a Christmas tree lighting.
So he walks up to Simon and I.
We were like, "Johnny Carson used to be on the sixth floor?"
And he said, "Yeah.
And then he moved to L.A.
and Ed McMahon, of course,
suddenly wants a new deal.
So he signs with the William Morris Agency.
Ed's agents call Johnny Carson.
They go, 'He wants a higher salary
and to have a higher title on the show.'
Johnny Carson says, 'Fine.
We'll find a different announcer.'
Ed McMahon freaked out.
He had to call Johnny Carson and apologize.
Because it's that thing of when
you have a personal relationship with someone
and then representatives get involved
and then that person doesn't really wanna deal with you."
And he walked away. And Simon went,
"That story was not about Johnny Carson."
[ Laughter ]
I had some like opportunities outside the show.
I don't know.
I was getting really exhausted.
I left after four full years.
My last episode was Kristen Wiig's last episode
and it was Andy's last episode
and it was my last episode, but no one knew that
'cause I didn't tell anyone.
The last sketch, she's like a rainbow
and "Ruby Tuesday" played and everyone danced with Wiig.
I was standing right there. I was with my now-wife.
I remember just like crying,
like really like [ Laughing ] emotional.
But not crying like cathartic.
Crying like a maniac who's been awake for four years.
I was scared. I was scared of what I was doing.
I met with Lorne in July and said I wasn't going
to return, but that I wanted to develop a show with him.
And he said, "That's great.
I just need you for these weeks."
[ Laughing ]
And he pointed to all the weeks of the show.
I think I needed to draw some line in the sand.
Not that I was unhappy, but, "I've done a lot of work
and it is time for me to move on
and, therefore, I do not work here."
At the beginning of the relationship,
when it's going well,
so you decide to meet each other's parents.
[ Laughter ]
-"Mulaney."
Coming this fall.
-I had a TV show that Lorne produced,
but he won't tell you that.
It had my name on it.
Should've said "Michaels."
No, but it was called "Mulaney"
and it was canceled.
"Mulaney" was canceled.
The last episode of that show
aired on Fox against
the "SNL" 40th anniversary.
I was at the "SNL" 40th, not watching my own show.
Lorne asked me to come back and write the Q&A
that Jerry Seinfeld did with the audience.
There's a really nice thing about coming back
and being like a writer
who is really excited to be in the studio.
Sometimes people were like, "I don't wanna come back!"
And then those people would be there on Friday and Saturday.
And then, I was here to do a walk-on part in a "Stefon."
-He's an attorney named Shy. Shy.
[ Boisterous cheering and applause ]
-Hi. Hi, Shy.
-Hello, gentlemen. How are ya?
I was wearing a latex shirt
and Lorne called me up to his office.
Perfect timing. [ Both chuckle ]
He and I were sitting there and he said,
"I'd like you to host April."
And I turned I looked at the board
and I went, "What about Timothée Chalamet?"
And then I digested what he was saying
and so I was really terrified.
-Ladies and gentlemen,
John Mulaney!
-Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
It is great to be here, hosting "Saturday Night Live."
I was a writer here for five years,
some of the best years of my life,
and to be hosting here is just surreal.
[ Cheering, whistling, and applause ]
Stick around. We'll be right back.
[ Cheering and applause continue ]
-The thing is, once you work here,
you always work here. [ Chuckle ]
There's great comfort in being here
and there's great comfort in working
for someone who you respect.
This has been an extraordinary thing to be a part of
and I got to do a lot of stuff here
with a lotta people I really loved and still am close to.
Like it took about a year after leaving to be like,
"Oh, 25 to 29?
That was a wonderful period."
I would say, to those of you
who work here, who are watching this --
which, I don't know how many people would --
[ Laughter ]
stay one year longer
than you think you should.
Was all that unusable?