[Intro Music]
Chase: Hey Guys! My name is Chase and today I'm going to be talking to you about
disclosing your trans status, and if you don't do that... is it lying?
This is such a controversial topic
It's so [Chase lowers voice to whisper] scandal
but I want to talk about it because I like like to start shit.
I'm kidding
I like to talk about things that other people don't talk about
So that we can have an open conversation about it
and kind of make it maybe less stigmatized to talk about so that other people can start talking about it
[Deep breath]
...and all of that fun stuff!
Soooo I want to talk about some specific scenarios here, so
Disclosing your trans status is something that I do... all the time
I make YouTube videos, and that's usually how I tell people that I am trans.
Umm, an example, I'm on Grinder, and somebody asks "Oh! What are you doing" and I say, "Oh I'm just making a video"
Or "I'm just editing some videos", like "Oh what do you make videos for?"
...And then I give them my YouTube channel, and there ya have it!
There it is, I don't have to say anything, you just figure it out by yourself
and then you get to see the type of personality I have
and if you like it, then you're not going to judge me on being trans right away [Finger Snap]
Because you're going to see how cool I am, Aaaaayyyyyy
BUT... I have gone through these apps in the past
and had had decided to NOT tell the person that I am trans.
and I have talk to them, and umm
seen the interaction, and how that it differentiates from me telling somebody that I am trans.
So usually it lasts a lot longer than if I tell somebody that I am trans.
Which is unfortunately, but whatever... They don't get to see how cool I am
So, I, I have done these social experiments , where like on Grinder I'll say that I am not trans
and then like I , I ju- , I don't tell them, I don't tell it in my profile
...But then on Scruff I will, and then I'll see the type of different interactions that I can have.
So when I don't disclose my trans status
umm... Do I feel like I am lying?
and once I tell the person, to THEY feel like I was lying?
[Inhales] Umm for me personally
I feel like I am not "lying" because, the, what... lying implies that I am like
Something "Else"
That I'm presenting you
Which...is not the truth because I am literally presenting you how I feel
Just because I am not telling you my past
Medical... Whatever
Doesn't mean anything
Like it doesn't mean that I am lying
Umm but for me personally I feel like I am hiding a big part of my life because
I embrace my trans identity so much, in every single aspect of my life
That I feel that I need to tell somebody
[Sniff]
Because, certain aspects, I want them to know that I'm Trans
I want them, I want to normalize being trans. I want them to see that being trans umm is, OK.
And not a bad thing, and I'm not a freak, and that I can have an interaction with someone
And I also... I like to tell people because I like them to know what they're expecting.
Umm... No... I like them to know... that they know what their expecting?
... Something like that
Because then we kind of talk about stuff, and if we are end up, going to have, we are going to end up having sex then I do [Inhale]
Disclose the type of genitals I have, and what type of sex I would like to have
Umm... but, for me personally
If I chose to not tell somebody, I don't feel like it's "Lying"
I just feel like I'm hiding my, my, just my identity. Just the part of me that I find is truly
Amazing
I guess, because I
All of these aspects of my life, if you realize.. like all of the jobs
I have...everything.. EVERYTHING related to my life is trans related
So to not tell somebody would be to not bring them into my life
And I would like to bring people into my life
I guess is what I'm trying to say
But! I have known other people who have talked to somebody on Grinder
... or Craigslist... or whatever
Umm or have gone on a date with someone
and haven't told them that they are trans
Now... this scenario, would you think that the person who you're having a date with
who is CIS, would feel like you're lying?
And this is the concept that really makes me mad, because a lot of the narratives, and a lot of the stories around this is "Yes."
A lot of CIS people feel like trans people are lying if they're not disclosing their trans status.
This is a really big problem that we have, because it really implies that [Inhale]
If you're lying about being trans, it's like you're lying... or like, if you're lying about not... [inhales] Hmm
If you're not disclosing, does it mean that you're lying?
But if you're, like you're not lying about anything.. there's nothing, this is just
Like "Hey!... I'm trans"
Like it's just a little part of your identity
And I think that, a lot of people in society who think that it's lying... is because
.. It, it's more umm
I think geared towards trans women, if I'm completely honest
Trans women do get a lot more attention in the media
Which is fine, whatever
Umm
So I feel like a lot of the hate, can do towards them
Which sucks...
[Sniff] But I feel like
Somebody goes on a date with a trans woman
and it's a CIS guy... So a CIS guy, and a trans woman are having a... there on a date
And she doesn't tell him that she's Trans
And then he finds out later, and he fuckin flips out
and like screams, and leaves
And unfortunately, a lot of the times there is a lot of violence that happens
[deep breath] Very hard to talk about honestly...
Not something I would like to talk about right now
Umm, but the man feels like the woman is lying
And because she didn't tell him that she's a trans woman
And this is , this is the part that maybe some people don't agree with, but I absolutely don't feel like she was lying.
Because it's not.. [ Exhales tsss noise ] I don't know how to explain it in simple terms because she not lying
She's literally... It's all like "Oh I don't tell you something, it doesn't mean I'm lying... like I'm withholding information"
You're not withholding any information... This is just a part of your like that
Is irrelevant
Especially if you're going on a date with someone
Like come on... Relax.. Like maybe they'll tell you in like, after a couple of dates
Maybe a couple of years, or whatever like
[ Sniff ] I think that it doesn't matter,
and I think that a lot of trans people know that the second you tell someone that you're trans
Their whole perception of you, and who you are changes
And that's really sad, and that happens a lot
With umm... These apps.
That you go on, to do the sex... stuff
And... it's very unfortunate... and it hurts
And umm I have known a lot of people who their partner knows that they are trans
but their family doesn't know that they're trans.
So if you think that, it's withholding information, do you.. or that you are lying if they are not telling somebody their trans status
Do you think that it's also lying if
They're not telling their partner's parents?
Or their partner's family that they're trans?
Some people just rather not, people not know, and I think that that's completely fine
And that's called stealth
[Super Sniff]
And that's called, it's not, it's not being ashamed of your Trans identity
It's just not making it the most important thing in your life
And it's like, Hey like this.. I'm Trans... it's just a thing that happened
And I'm... Transitioned and I'm in a place where I'm comfortable and I'm Happy and
That's fine, and I just would rather not tell people
But for some reason society has an obsession with thinking that that's lying.
Because you're not telling them this crucial part of your past
And I'm like... Do you tell everything, about everyone, about your past?
Everything?
Hey one time... I farted in school, and everyone laughed.
Like do you tell that on your first date?
I don't think so...
And I'm not equating that to being trans by the way, I'm just giving you an example
Like not everyone "Hey I have diabetes"...
Like not everyone the, the person that they're on a date with.. or whatever
That they're...
Diabetic.
Anyways this is a really complicated topic
And It's very hard for me to like, vocalize ...
I feel like it really made sense a lot in my head, and when I'm trying to talk about it I'm like
[ lelelelelelelelele tongue flicking noises]
And I don't really know what I'm saying anymore
So I'm sorry... BUT [Deep inhale]
I think that's it's important .. that we
Understand where people are coming from, and I know that there are a lot of trans people who feel that they are lying
Or that other trans people are lying if they are not saying that they are trans
Or that they're just
like... they're swimming in guilt and shame
About being trans and they don't want anyone to know because they feel like it's also disgusting
I think that everyone has the right to think and do whatever they want
and I think that we need to come to a place in society AND in the community
Where if somebody doesn't want to disclose their trans status, or if somebody wants to be stealth
Then that's... who they are
And that's their life, and we should be able to respect that
And ... and care about the people in our community, even if they don't want to say that they are part of the community
And I think that once we have and understanding... I think that we can grow as a community, and stop hating each other
Yo, I'm too old for this... I can't deal with this
I see stuff like this all the time... in groups on Facebook, where people are bashing each other because
They talk about how they went on a date with a girl
and they didn't tell her that she was tr-.. that they didn't tell her that he... that they were trans
[ Sniff ] And .... Umm
Then like a couple dates later, he told her and she freaked out
And said "You are lying" , and then he's talking about it in the group
and he's like "I'm really sad, like I don't feel like I was lying"
And then other people are like "You were lying... you should've told her first so you don't deal with this type of rejection"
And I can understand that... but
Some people just kind of want to forget sometimes, that they are trans... and I can completely understand that
I have made my life surrounded this identity
[Sniff] And that's who I like
And that's what I love to do
And I'm OK with that... I'm very privileged, I live in a place that I'm accepted
And I have friends and family that are good. Not everyone has this life
Not everyone has the privilege to be able to transition
And be able to, have supporting family and friends and have jobs, and stuff like that
So I understand that I'm very privileged
And my take on it will be different from someone else's take
But i think that we should all just kind of, like love each other... and think of each other as human beings
And not as people who are...
So different
Because they think differently from us.. I guess
I don't know how to explain this
Anyways [ deep inhale ] If I think of anything else, I'll add it in the description... but please if you have any other questions or
If you have any questions at all... about this, or if you want to talk about it....
That would be really great if we could have a real conversation in the comments about this though,
because I feel like I'm all over the place with this topic... and I think that it is something very interesting that we need to discuss more
Because I don't feel like it's lying... I feel like
You're just living your life
And... If you don't want to tell someone that you're trans, then you just don't have to tell somebody that you're trans.
And I get it... Especially like
Going to doctors honestly
And this is another scenario, other than dating..
Going to the doctors for an ear infection... some people are like "You HAVE to tell him that you're trans"
You don't have to tell them... but what sucks is that I go to the clinics that I have already
been to before so I know it says that I am trans in my file
because I have gone for trans related things
[Deep inhale] So they go, and they're like "Ooh so you're trans"
And then they ask all you this trans related questions
like "Have you had bottom surgery?"... I'm like, "I'm here for an ear infection"
Literally happened. No Joke! I'm like I have a bronchitis or something, like
"Have you had bottom surgery?"
[sniff] Like you can say "Have you had surgery in the last 6 months"
Because that's a question that would be acceptable
Just to know, Ohh do you have sutures, why you have a lung infection, something happened
[Sniff] "Have you had bottom surgery?"
When it's completely related to a different part of my body...
That's Rude
And I don't feel like I am lying to a doctor or a therapist
Or anything like that, if I'm not telling them my trans status
Because it is completely irrelevant
Whereas I feel in the dating scene
*FOR ME SPECIFICALLY*
I find that it IS relevant to tell somebody because I want them to embrace my trans identity
Like, like I want them to embrace me by embracing my trans identity
Like I can't be with someone who doesn't understand how important this life that I have created for myself is
[Deep inhale] But I don't think that it's lying to someone
If... for someone else, to not tell their trans status to someone else
Like.. because that's your life and you don't want to tell people, and you don't want to
"Embrace" I guess that part of your identity, or who you are
You just don't want to be judged on the first appearance
FUCK! You do whatever you want!
Let's just leave it at that
Anyways, I hope you have a great week!
Let me know what you think.
Love you!
Bye!
[Instrumental outro music plays until the end of the video]