>>> GRIEF IS LIFE LONG, AND FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR LOVED
ONE TO A VIOLENT CRIME, THERE ARE TRIAL DATES, TESTIMONY, AND
NEWS COVERAGE THAT ADD TO THE DEEP ANGUISH THAT PEOPLE FACE.
AT BAY STATE MEDICAL CENTER IN SPRINGFIELD, THERE'S A HOMICIDE
BEREAVEMENT PROGRAM.
TO FIND OUT MORE, CAROL LEE MCGRATH SPOKE WITH MICHELLE
MATHIESON, WHOSE DAUGHTER AMANDA PLASSE WAS MURDERED IN 2011, AND
GINA O'NEILL WHOSE SISTER WAS MURDERED IN BETWEEN.
JEN CASTONGUAY ALSO JOINED THE CONVERSATION.
>> THE HOMICIDE BEREAVEMENT PROGRAM IS A GRANT, SO ALL OF
OUR SERVICES ARE FREE.
PEOPLE CAN COME IN AND HAVE INDIVIDUAL THERAPY, GROUP
THERAPY, WE ALSO HAVE YOGA AND WE HAVE EVENTS LIKE THE PEACE
AND REMEMBRANCE IN DECEMBER, AND IN APRIL WE HAVE A BIG MEMORIAL
EVENT TO REMEMBER THE LOVED ONES THAT HAVE BEEN LOST BY VIOLENCE.
>> SO I'D LIKE TO START ALSO WITH YOU, GINA.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR STORY AND ABOUT YOUR SISTER.
>> SO, ON JULY 30, 2010, MY SISTER WAS SLEEPING AND MY
15-YEAR-OLD NIECE HAD BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND, AND THEY
WERE ALL SLEEPING, IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
AND HE HAD RIDDEN HIS BIKE FROM A SPRINGFIELD TO HAMPDEN AND
BROKE IN THE BASEMENT AND -- NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HIS INTENTIONS
WERE TO THIS DAY, IF HE WANTED MARIAH, MY SISTER PRETTY MUCH
DIED PROTECTING HER.
SHE OPENED HER BEDROOM DOOR AND HE WAS STANDING THERE WITH A SKI
MASK ON AND A T-SHIRT AND A KNIFE IN HIS HAND.
AND HE GRAVELY WOUNDED MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND AND MURDERED
MY SISTER, AND MADE MY NIECE WATCH IT.
SO SHE RAN AWAY, THANK GOD, AND GOT AWAY, OR ELSE I THINK SHE
WOULD HAVE BEEN THE THIRD VICTIM, AND HE LEFT VIA BIKE.
HE WAS ARRESTED THAT MORNING.
BUT MY SISTER DIED, AND HER BOYFRIEND WAS GRAVELY INJURED.
I HAD GOT CUSTODY OF MY NIECE, AND WE, I STARTED GOING THROUGH
THE HOMICIDE BEREAVEMENT PROGRAM, WHICH IS A WONDERFUL
PROGRAM.
I'VE MELT AMAZING PEOPLE THERE WHO I HAVE, I NEVER WOULD HAVE
MET IN ANY OTHER WALK OF LIFE.
BUT NOW WE'RE BOUNDED BY THIS, YOU KNOW, CLUB THAT NOBODY
SHOULD OR EVER WANT TO BELONG TO, BUT THANK GOD WE'RE
ALTOGETHER, BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS BETTER THAN A FINISH
THAT'S BEEN THROUGH IT.
>> I KNOW YOU MET MICHELLE UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES AS WELL, IN
THAT CLUB THAT NOBODY WANTS TO BE PART OF.
BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE BOTH BECOME GREAT FRIENDS.
MICHELLE, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER AMANDA.
>> MY DAUGHTER AMANDA WAS MURDERED AUGUST 26 OF 2011 WHILE
SHE WAS GETTING READY FOR WORK.
SHE KNEW THE PERSON WHO MURDERED HER, BUT THEY WEREN'T CLOSE.
THEY JUST KNEW EACH OTHER THROUGH, THROUGHOUT THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
WE'RE NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT HAD HAPPENED.
ALL WE CAN DO IS SURMISE THAT HE BROKE IN WHILE SHE WAS GETTING
READY FOR WORK, HE STABBED HER 15 TIMES, SLIT HER THROAT, LEFT
HER DEAD ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR IN A POOL OF BLOOD.
UNLIKE GINA'S CASE, WE DID NOT HAVE AN ARREST FOR TWO YEARS,
TWO MONTHS AND 10 DAYS.
SO OUR CASES ARE DIFFERENT, BUT THE SAME.
GINA AND I HAPPENED TO MEET AT AN EVENT THAT WAS TAKING PLACE
IN CHICOPEE CENTER NOT LONG AFTER MY DAUGHTER WAS MURDERED,
AND WE'VE BECOME PRETTY MUCH CLOSE.
PRETTY CLOSE FROM THERE.
BUT WITH THE ADVOCACY CENTER AND THE CLINICIANS AND THE OTHER
PEOPLE, THESE ARE THE ONES WHO SAT WITH ME THROUGH COURT,
THROUGH TRIALS, THROUGH APPEARANCES, THROUGH MEMORIALS.
AGAIN IT'S THE CLUB NOBODY WANTS TO BELONG TO, BUT HERE WE ARE TO
STAND TOGETHER AND LET EACH OTHER KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE ALONE.
>> HOW DO YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TALK ABOUT THIS?
I KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE HIGH PROFILE CASES.
AND TO TALK ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, TIME AFTER TIME, INTERVIEW AFTER
INTERVIEW, OR IF YOU'RE TALKING TO AN AUDIENCE FOR A GROUP,
WHERE DO YOU GET THAT STRENGTH FROM?
>> I KNOW FOR ME, I NEVER WANT MY SISTER FORGOTTEN.
AND I WANT HER NAME TO BE OUT THERE, AND I KNOW THAT SHE WOULD
DO THIS FOR ME.
I ALSO WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENS.
LIKE I SAID, THIS IS STUFF I WATCHED ON TV AND NEVER THOUGHT
IT WOULD AFFECT MY LIFE.
AND THE HOMICIDE BEREAVEMENT PROGRAM IS JUST AMAZING IN THAT
THEY KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU, AND BRING US TOGETHER AND LET US
LEAD OUR OWN GROUPS AND HELP EACH OTHER, AND WE REACH OUT ON
OUR OWN TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARE IN THE PAPER THAT HAVE A
HOMICIDE, AND GUIDE THEM TO THEM BECAUSE IT'S A FREE PROGRAM THAT
OFFERS SO MUCH.
BUT I JUST, I DO IT FOR MY SISTER.
I DON'T EVER WANT HER FORGOTTEN, AND MY NIECE ALSO SPEAKS TO
GROUPS AND I JUST THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S IMPORTANT TO
TELL.
I DON'T KNOW, WHY DO YOU DO IT?
>> THE SAME, I DON'T WANT HER FORGOTTEN.
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN I KISSED MY DAUGHTER GOOD-BYE THAT LAST TIME
BEFORE THEY CLOSED THE CASKET, I PROMISED HER THAT I WOULD HAVE
THE LAST WORD.
I WAS NOW HER VOICE.
AND THAT'S WHY I DO IT.
I DO IT FOR HER.
I DO IT FOR ME, IT'S PART OF MY HEALING PROCESS.
EVERYBODY GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY, EVERYBODY TAKES A DIFFERENT
PATH.
MY PATH MIGHT NOT BE THE SAME AS YOURS OR MY PROCESS MIGHT NOT BE
THE SAME AS YOURS, BUT THIS IS WHAT HELPS ME HEAL.
AND TO LET OTHERS KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE.
ANOTHER MOTHER THAT JUST LOST HER DAUGHTER TO A MURDER, SAME
THING, 20 YEARS OLD, HER NAME BEGAN WITH AN A., SHE WAS
MURDERED IN HER KITCHEN, FIRST THING I DID WAS REACH OUT TO
THAT MOTHER AND TOLD HER I'M HERE, I UNDERSTAND.
I UNDERSTAND.
>> SO, JEN, AS A CLINICIAN AS SOMEBODY WHO WORKS WITH PEOPLE,
THIS IS SUCH A UNIQUE GROUP, YOU KNOW, OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN
THROUGH SUCH INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE TRAUMA.
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE VERY STRONG, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HERE WHO ARE
ABLE TO SPEAK ABOUT IT.
NOT EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BE AT THAT PLACE.
HOW DO YOU TAILOR THAT THERAPY FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN'T GET OUT
OF BED.
>> IT MIGHT START WITH JUST WEEKLY PHONE CALLS AND MAYBE
ONCE THEY'RE ABLE TO GET INTO THE OFFICE, YOU KNOW, THEN IT
STARTS WITH WEEKLY THERAPY, AND THEN THEY JOIN A GROUP.
SO WE REALLY TAILOR IT TO WHATEVER THE NEEDS ARE.
WE'VE TRAVELED OUT TO DISTANCES AND GONE TO DO HOME VISITS.
LIKE WE REALLY TRY TO CATER TO WHAT THEY NEED.
SO IT'S INDIVIDUALIZED.
>> AS A MOTHER, I KNOW YOU HAVE OTHER CHILDREN, YOU LOSE A
CHILD, AND IT'S SUCH A TRAGIC AND VIOLENT WAY, HOW ARE YOU
ABLE TO STILL GET UP IN THE MORNING, GET DRESSED AND PUT A
SMILE ON YOUR FACE FOR THE OTHER KIDS THAT YOU HAVE TO LOVE AND
CARE FOR?
>> I'M OKAY BUT NOT OKAY, AND THAT'S OKAY.
AMANDA'S MOTTO WAS TO KEEP YOUR FACE TO THE SUN, JUST LIKE HER
SUN FLOWERS, AND NEVER LOOK BACK AT YOUR SHADOWS.
MY SON WAS STATIONED IN CALIFORNIA IN THE MARINE CORPS
WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS MURDERED.
HIM AND HIS SISTER WERE 18 MONTHS APART, VERY CLOSE, WORST
PHONE CALL I EVER HAD TO MAKE, TO MY SON, AND NOT BE ABLE TO
GET HIM HOME RIGHT AWAY.
>> I HAD NOT ONLY MY SISTER'S CHILDREN BUT MY MOM AND MY
SISTER AND WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY.
I THINK MEN GRIEVE COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY THAN WOMEN.
IT'S VERY, I DON'T ENVY YOU GUYS FOR HOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT AND
CATER IT, BUT I ALSO THINK BY THEM PUTTING US TOGETHER AND
WITH EACH OTHER, WE ARE ABLE TO UNIQUELY HELP AND SUPPORT OTHER
PEOPLE AND GIVE, YOU KNOW, I MEAN WE SHARE PHONE NUMBERS,
WE'RE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, AND --
>> E-MAILS, KEEP IN CONTACT.
>> I KNOW THAT YOUR NIECE IS DOING WELL.
AND SHE SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A STRONG KID.
>> SHE REALLY IS.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO MISS SCHOOL ON THE DAY SHE HAD TO
TESTIFY.
SHE'S LIKE I'M GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL AND YOU PICK ME UP, I
SAID YOU CAN TAKE THE DAY OFF, SHE SAID NO NO NO.
SHE WAS ON THE DEAN'S LIST AND HONORS PROGRAM, AND NOW SHE'S IN
BARCELONA, SPAIN TEACHING ENGLISH LIVING WITH A HOST
FAMILY.
HE'S AN AMACING HUMAN BEING AND WANTS TO MAKE HER MOM PROUD AND
NOT LET THIS DEFINE HER LIFE.
SHE HELPS OTHER PEOPLE BY SPEAKING TO.
AND I HAVE MY SISTER'S TATTOO, AND I TAKE HER ON ALL MY
ADVENTURES WITH ME BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR SHE'S GONE, SO I WILL
DO IT FOR HER.
I THINK THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT INSTEAD OF LAYING DOWN
BECAUSE IF I DID STOP, I PROBABLY WOULD GET IN BED AND
PUT THE COVERS OVER MY HEAD AND NEVER SPEAK, BUT I KNOW MY
SISTER WOULDN'T WANT THAT FOR ME, AND I HAVE TO BE THERE FOR
HER CHILDREN, AND I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LIVE FOR HER.
BECAUSE IT WASN'T HER CHOICE, SHE WASN'T SICK, SOMEBODY TOOK
HER LIFE.
SO I'M GOING TO DO IT UNTIL I MEET HER AGAIN.
>> IT'S A STIGMATISM TOO, ESPECIALLY FOR ME WITH AMANDA'S
CASE AND IT BEING SUCH A HIGH PROFILE CASE.
AND COMING FROM A SMALLER TOWN, THINKING I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT
MOM TODAY.
I COULDN'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE, OH, LOOK, IT'S THE MOTHER
OF THAT CHICOPEE MURDERED GIRL.
NO, SHE HAS A NAME.
SHE, AND YEAH, IT'S TOUGH.
IT'S TOUGH.
AND THEN YOU THINK ABOUT NOT GETTING UP IN THE MORNING.
YOU STILL HAVE A LIFE TO LEAD, A FAMILY TO RUN, A HOUSEHOLD THAT
NEEDS TO BE CLEANED, A JOB THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
AND THERE'S BEEN DAYS WHERE YOU JUST WANT TO JUST CRAWL AND SAY
NO MORE.