- Fuck Satan! - Fuck him!
- Fuck him in the... (ominous tune)
(ominous wooshing)
- What?! What's happening Georgina?
- [Satan] Georgina isn't here anymore. (cackles)
It is I, Satan.
(evil cackle)
- The power of Christ compels you!
(dramatic music) (demon screams)
- (beep) your mother!
- The power of Christ compels you!
The power of Christ compels you!
- Your mother's in hell!
- The power of Christ compels you!
The power of Christ compels you!
- I'm gonna suck your (beep)
- Let me suck your...
(demon growls)
- Could you please clear the room?
- Oh man, I feel like crap,
just came from a trashy Indian restaurant in a strip mall.
Not bad food though.
Got pretty lucky.
Got the hottest, baddest curry ever ate in my life.
Place called Naan-sense, Indian joint.
(tailor speaks foreign language)
Cause it's like terminal 3.
It's like, I'm going to my brother's wedding on Sunday.
And it's like, I ain't even want to go.
I don't even like my brother, my brother's like a jerk.
Well, like his wife, she's like a bitch.
(stomach grumbles loudly)
I stayed with them for like three weeks,
she was a bitch to me, man.
I put my feet on her coffee table.
She was like, "Don't put your feet on my coffee."
(stomach grumbles loudly)
I'm like who are you?
Like Gingers, man. (stomach grumbles)
A ginger broad, man.
Like those are the worst people on the planet.
So, I said that to them.
I said that to him in the parking lot.
I'm a cornered him a little bit. Sure.
(stomach continues grumbling loudly)
But he swung on me, man. He swung on me.
Can you believe that?
It's like who swings on their own brother, man?
Yeah, I swung back.
(stomach grows very loudly)
...But that's cool. You know, it's like,
I haven't seen him for a while,
but now got this expensive wedding I have to go to.
(tailor coughs) So it was crazy.
I got to get my tickets and that's a whole situation.
I hate doing that. And hold on a second.
Hey, hey, pal, pal? Start on the downstairs bits.
I'm in the middle of a conversation up here!
(stomach growls ominously)
Hey!
- Of course. Of course.
Whatever you say.
- Thank you.
Sorry about that.
I got a little guy here, working on my suit.
- [Stomach Demon] From the eternal, from within!
(customer chats indistinctly)
- There is a guy in there.
- ...The answer is yes. And hopefully I, you know,
I can get like two down in one evening, you know?
And speaking of two down in one evening,
if they've got popcorn shrimp and little lobster rolls...
(man continues chatting indistinctly)
(demonic growling from stomach)
- [Stomach Demon] Stop! Who goes there? (growls)
- Sal, my name is Sal.
- [Stomach Demon] Sal, the end is near.
- What? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?
What do you mean?
- [Stomach Demon] Everything is changing.
- What do you mean?
- [Stomach Demon] The end is near, Sal!
- No, I don't...I don't know what you mean.
What do you mean? I don't want to die!
- [Stomach Demon] There's nothing you can do!
The end is near. Everything is changing.
From the eternal, from within.
- No! I don't want to die! What do you mean?!
- [Stomach Demon] The end is near.
(man farts)
- Sorry about that, man.
- Of course.
(soft meditative music) (bell rings)
- Change is coming.
(church music)
- Happy Sunday, Esther.
- Happy Sunday, Georgina.
How was your week?
- Oh, the Lord is with me,
but the devil, he got his hands on my grand niece, Grace.
- Oh no!
- Mh-hm.
They're smoking the reefer doing the hanky-panky with boys.
- No, Georgina!
- Well, Esther, you know,
that I love all things that are good and holy.
- Mh-hm.
- But if he doesn't let go of my grand niece, Grace,
I'm going to cut the devil's dick off
and shove it in his ass.
- Mh-hm.
- With my prayers.
- I know you will, Georgina, I know you will.
- How was your week, girl?
- Oh, you know me, I'm blessed and thankful for every day.
- Mh-hm, all right.
- But you know, my grandson, Jason,
got his self wrapped up in the leathery claws of Satan.
- (gasps) Not Jason?!
- He got his self arrested for the spray painting
and the vandalisms.
- Oh Lord!
- And I tell you, I never raise my hand in anger,
but if he don't let Jason go,
I'm going to punch that nigga Satan in the nuts so hard,
it will wipe the dick licking smirk off his horned ass face!
With my prayers.
- Amen. I know you will, Esther, I know you will,
but Esther, I got a tell you something else now.
- Mh let it out!
- You know, Esther, that I have found serenity
in the glory of heaven.
- Yes!
- But my daughter's husband, Bernard,
has got himself wedged between the cleft hoofs
of Lucifer himself.
She opened up his laptop computer,
and found the pornography of women.
- Not the pornography of women!
- Absolutely the pornography of women!
- Not on the laptop computer!
- The laptop computer and the pornography of women!
I am a pacifist under God's request,
but if he don't let go of Bernard,
I'm going to sneak up on that bitchy ass Lucifer,
right in the midst of his sleep time,
and then I'm going to sit on that mother fucker's head
and I'm gonna spread my booty cheeks on that pig's face,
and I'm on just pucker up my stink hole, and just
♪ Toots toots toots ♪
♪ Stoops da-da-stoops stoops ♪
♪ Da doops ♪
until that nigga got a brown dot on his nose
that I can use for target practice!
(mimics gun firing repeatedly)
- Ooh! Shoot that nigga in the shit dot!
- With my prayers!
- With your prayers.
Of course, of course.
Oh Georgina, Georgina, Georgina!
- Yup, yup, yup.
- Oh, I got nothing but faith in God in heaven above,
but I tell you my son's wife, Crystal,
she got herself wrapped up
in the fiery wings of Mephistopheles himself!
- Here we go.
- You know, she got caught using profanity
with her own children!
- What?
- At the dinner table.
- Oh, lord child! Our child!
- Georgina Darlene Martin! Oh!
I have nothing but love for every creature on this planet,
but if he don't let my darling Crystal go,
I'm going to flirt with the devil.
- Oh, oh!
- Show him a little bit of shoulder. How you doing?
He gonna start looking away, I'm gonna start twerking.
Start twerking.
He gonna be like "Whoo!"
He gonna be, he gonna be drawn in.
Seduce that little mother fucker.
Give him one of these.
"Hi!", batting my eyelashes at him.
Then when he least expects it
and I got his trust,
that's when I'm going to ride that nigga.
I'm going to give him the night of his life
a night he ain't never gonna forget.
- Go get him.
- I'm gonna give him this way.
I'm gonna give them that way.
And the, right when he about to climax,
that's when I'm going to crunch up my pussy
on that motherfucker's red dick,
and I'm going to snap that nigga cock off
with a divine Kegel!
- Well, you gonna snap that nigga dick off!
- Woo! - Snap it off!
Woo!
- With my prayers. - With your prayers.
- With my prayers. - Of course, with the prayers.
Yeah. But that's right, girl!
- Yes! - You go get him now!
- Yes! - Fuck Satan!
- Fuck him!
- Fuck him in the! (ominous wooshing)
- What? What's happening, Georgina?
- [Satan] Georgina isn't here anymore. (cackles)
- It is I, Satan! (Esther yelps)
(slapping and punching) (Satan groans)
- My Esther, I'm in here now!
I'm kicking this nigga's ass!
(Esther yells triumphantly)
(Satan continues groaning in pain)
- [Satan] Oh help me! Somebody help me,
I've got to get out of this bitch!
(Georgina yells)
- Get him Georgina!
- I stuck a safety pin in this nigga's urethra!
(Satan yells in pain)
- [Satan] Fuck that hurts!
- Right now I got his dick in my hands,
like an old rag I'm wringing it out!
I'm wringing it out! (Esther screams)
- Oh, give me some of that!
I want a piece of him!
Yeah, sign me in!
(Esther screams)
- [Satan] Who is this crazy bitch now?
- Oh, it's me motherfucker! Your worst nightmare!
- Stomp his ass!
(cackles) Motherfucker, I'm on top of you, I'm gonna grab!
- [Satan] What's going on?
This feels good, why would you do this to me?
- Oh, you'll see in a second, motherfucker!
- Yeah, just wait for it! - You'll see in a second!
- [Satan] Oh, I'm waiting, but here I come!
Here I come!
- Here you go hog goblin!
(Georgina whoops and gasps)
- Oh, I got him good.
- [Satan] I'll do anything you say!
I'll do anything you say!
- Too late now! Too late now, Satan!
- We should probably go.
- Oh yeah, let's go, let's go.
- We don't want them to stop the service.
- Oh, I got hold him,
we gonna go medieval on his ass!
- [Satan] Oh no, I can't take it, I can't take it!
- Get over her, mister!
- [Satan] Please, please, get these crazy bitches off of me!
(Satan screams and struggles)
Jesus Christ is my personal lord and savior, I swear!
- Too late for that now!
- Hi! You must be Liam.
- Hey, buddy. How are you feeling today?
- I'm feeling fine, Dr. Gupta.
Just fine.
- This is Marion Glass.
She's from the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
- Marion Glass.
- How are you feeling today, Liam?
- I'm fine, Marion Glass.
- Good. Well, I have some news
that might make you feel a little better.
We have to Make-a-Wish Foundation,
make dreams come true for little boys and little girls
who are very sick. Just like you.
- There are no children like me, Marion Glass.
- No, no, of course not. - Of course not.
You're one of a kind,
but we're going to make any dream come true
that you could ever have. Okay?
- Anything?
- That's right, buddy. That's right.
Would you like to play
with your favorite basketball team?
What about be Superman for a day?
- I wish to drown a man.
(soft ominous music)
- What?
- To drown a man in the bath tub.
To hold him down while the last breath escapes his body,
and then deep in that water, all the while singing,
♪ La la la la ♪ (children laughing faintly)
- Liam!
- You said anything.
- Surely we don't want to hurt other people.
Now do we, kiddo? (chuckles)
(Marion chuckles)
- Anything else?
Fly in a hot air balloon or meet a celebrity?
- My new wish is to lean over the body of a dying man,
and put my lips on his, stealing his last breath.
- [Doctor] Liam!
- No one will get hurt.
- No, absolutely not.
I don't even know where you...
- I wish to take all the prostetic legs in the hospital
and bind them together with the dried flesh of the dead,
into a webbed, massive creature.
- Liam!
- I am so sorry, Ms. Glass.
- It's all right. He doesn't know what he's saying.
- I wish to pee in your mouth.
- What?!
- Both of you.
- Mine?
- Especially you.
- Oh.
- I wish to pee in both of your mouths as I stand over you.
I'll need a glass of water and 10 minutes.
- Enough, you little (beep)!
- Dr. Gupta!
- No!
You are reprehensible!
You are evil!
You are a devil child!
(Liam sobs)
- Dr. Gupta, he's not a devil child! He's just a child!
You have no business working in a pediatric ward!
- What? - I'm going to report you!
(Liam sobs)
(door slams) (Liam sings softly)
♪ Shame on you Gupta ♪
You really upset Marion Glass.
- This is insane.
You've made me question everything
that I've ever believed about the essential goodness
of children.
- Wish granted. (monitor flatlines and beeps)
- (gasps) Liam!
(Liam giggles)
I am dying now.
(machine resumes beeping)
(cheerful music)
♪ I want you ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪