- AND I WANT TO GET INTO SOME TOPICS,
BECAUSE I DON'T--YOU KNOW, I'M BY MYSELF OUT HERE.
I DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK ABOUT STUFF WITH,
SO THIS IS--I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THIS IN SEASON ONE.
THIS IS FUN.
THIS WOULD'VE BEEN FUN TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE
ONSTAGE WITH ME.
ALL RIGHT, SO IN THE MONOLOGUE,
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW VIRAL THE "ANACONDA" VIDEO--
IT'S CRAZY HOW MANY PEOPLE--
AND BIG BUTTS NEED--IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S AN OBSESSION,
RIGHT, WITH BIG BUTTS.
- YES. - SO EVERYBODY IS--
THEY'RE SAYING THAT WE'RE OFFICIALLY
IN THE ERA OF THE BIG BOOTY.
THAT'S WHAT "VOGUE" IS SAYING.
- I AGREE.
[cheers and applause]
- ABSOLUTELY.
- LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE, SMALL BREAKDOWN
OF THE BOOTY HISTORY.
IT STARTED WITH BEYONCE, WITH THE "BOOTYLICIOUS."
SHE STARTED US--
YEAH, AND I APPRECIATE THAT, 'CAUSE I HAVE THE BIG BOOTY,
SO THANK YOU, BEYONCE.
AND THEN WE WENT OVER TO J LO.
- YEAH, LATINAS HAVE BEEN CELEBRATING BIG BOOTIES
FOR A LONG TIME, OKAY?
WE'RE ALL ABOUT-- YOU KNOW?
HEY! OKAY?
- THIS IS DAYTIME TV. - LOVE US SOME J LO BOOTY.
- YEAH, BUT NOW WE MOVED ON TO NICKI, RIGHT?
AND SHE HAS, LIKE, THE SUPER DONK, DONK.
- THE ANACONDA. - YEAH, YOU KNOW?
BUT JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE A BOOTY,
'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ONE.
AND I KNOW LONI DOES.
BUT, YOU KNOW, MY-- I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING.
I'VE DONE SQUATS. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
TRYING TO PICK UP TIRES.
BUT MY BUTT IS STILL FLAT AS DAY-OLD BEER.
- BUT I'M STILL SURPRISED THAT THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE
HAS A BOOTY.
[speaking indistinctly]
[cheers and applause]
- SHE GOT A DONK.
- THANK YOU. - SHE GOT A DONK.
[both singing] SHE GOT A DONK
SHE GOT A, SHE GOT A, SHE GOT A DONK
- DONK, DONK - GOT A DONK
YOU KNOW, I'LL BE GLAD WITH OTHER BODY PARTS,
'CAUSE FIRST IT WAS BOOBS.
NOW IT'S BOOTY.
I'LL BE GLAD WHEN ELBOWS COME IN,
'CAUSE I'VE GOT SOME GOOD ELBOWS.
- YOU DO.
- I'M VERY GRATEFUL THAT AMERICA HAS CAUGHT ON
TO THE AMAZING BOOTY,
BUT WHY ARE THEY SO FIXATED ON IT?
CAN'T WE BE FIXATED ON THE WOMAN'S MIND?
WOMAN EMPOWERMENT.
WE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT.
- WE'RE CELEBRATING CURVY WOMEN.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING TO CELEBRATE.
- BUT WE SHOULDN'T ALWAYS BE SO FIXATED
ON A WOMAN'S BODY PARTS.
THERE ARE OTHER PARTS-- - BOOTY SELLS, OKAY?
THAT'S IT.
- I GOT TO SAY, BECAUSE I, BEING ASIAN,
WE DON'T HAVE THAT AREA AS BLESSED IN THE BACK,
AND I CELEBRATE EVERYBODY ELSE.
I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH MINE AT ALL
UNTIL THE DAY OUR SHOW AIRED.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT MY MOM SAW THE SHOW,
AND SHE SAID, "ALL THE LADY ON THE SHOW,
"THEIR BUTT, IT GO UP LIKE THE SKY.
BUT I SEE YOU, AND IT GO DOWN MELTING."
THIS IS MY VIETNAMESE MOTHER.
SO I HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT.
SHE BOUGHT ME A BUTT BRA. - WHAT?
- I SAW YOURS.
MINE IS A HOLDER THAT HOISTS THE BRA UP.
I'M WEARING IT NOW. - LET'S SEE IT.
- IT'S HOLDING IT UP. - OKAY.
SO I'LL BE HONEST.
REMEMBER, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING. - AT ALL.
- ALL RIGHT, TAMAR.
[all talking at once]
- SO THIS IS HOW IT LOOKS NORMALLY.
THIS IS IT.
BUT THEN MY GIRL, ADRIENNE, BECAUSE SHE'S--
- I GOT YOU. - SHE'S MY GIRL; SHE GOT ME.
- WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY. COME ON.
- YOU READY?
SO THIS IS MY BEFORE AND AFTER ADRIENNE.
- OOH! both: YES.
- YOU GOT TO ARCH YOUR BACK.
- ARCH IT. - IT HURTS, THOUGH.
IT HURTS. I CAN'T DO IT LONG.
- IT'S NICE. THAT'S NICE.
I NOTICED A TREMENDOUS DIFFERENCE.
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S SOMETHING THAT ANOTHER--
EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT BEING SINGLE,
AND THERE ARE ALL THESE TRENDS, THESE APPS,
THAT YOU CAN FIND DATES ONLINE.
- YES, TINDER, BABY. - OKAY, TINDER.
NOW, IS IT-- IS TINDER--
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR LOVE OR A BOOTY CALL?
- I DON'T LOOK FOR LOVE ON TINDER, BABY.
- YEAH, 'CAUSE IT IS DEFINITELY BOOTY CALL CENTRAL.
- SO IT IS ONLY-- SO TINDER'S NOT
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.
- WELL, IT DEPENDS, BECAUSE YOU CAN--
YOU CAN--YOU CAN ASK THE DISTANCE.
SO, LIKE, USUALLY I ASK FOR IF YOU'RE IN ONE MILE DISTANCE.
- YOUR RADIUS. - OR 400 MILES.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND WHAT YOU DO IS, IF YOU LIKE SOMEBODY,
YOU SWIPE TO THE RIGHT.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE 'EM, YOU SWIPE TO THE LEFT.
AND THEN WHEN YOU SWIPE TO THE RIGHT,
WHOEVER SWIPES TO THE RIGHT AFTER THEY SEE YOUR PICTURE,
YOU CAN TALK,
AND THEN THAT'S WHEN THE HAPPINESS BEGINS.
- REALLY?
[cheers and applause]
- YOU SEE? IT'S A BOOTY CALL.
[all talking at once]
- SO IF YOU'RE, LIKE, IN A MILE DISTANCE,
IT'S JUST FOR A BOOTY CALL.
WHAT ABOUT 10 MILES, 20 MILES?
- 10 MILES, 20 MILES,
USUALLY 100 MILES, AND YOU WANT A--
- RELATIONSHIP. - YEAH, YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
- I JUST THINK IT'S VERY WEIRD THAT YOU'RE SWIPING
LIKE A CATALOGUE, LIKE SWIPING THROUGH--
THAT, TO ME, DOESN'T--
IT'S REALLY JUST A PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT ABOUT-- - EXACTLY.
- WELL, YOU GET TO TALK TO HIM, THOUGH, FOR A MINUTE,
AND THEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, YOU CAN, LIKE,
"I'MA SWIPE TO THE LEFT."
- BUT ONLY IF THEY SWIPED YOU BACK.
- YEAH, THEY HAVE TO SWIPE YOU BACK TOO.
- WELL, WE HAVE TO-- YOU HAVE TO COME BACK.
WE'LL DO THIS AGAIN, 'CAUSE YOU'RE ON A LOT,
SO YOU'LL COME BACK, AND WE'LL DO THIS MORE OFTEN.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU A GIFT ON YOUR NEW SET.
I NOTICED--YOU KNOW, I ADDED-- IT TOOK 12 YEARS FOR US
TO FIGURE OUT WE SHOULD HAVE A LOT MORE PLANTS,
BECAUSE THEY ADD A LOT OF LIFE,
SO I HAD MY GARDNER NICK PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER.
NICK, HE TAKES CARE OF ALL THE PLANTS WITH ME.
[all exclaim]
- THANK YOU. - SO SWEET.
- THANK YOU, NICK.
- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU, NICK.
NICK, YOU LOOK GREAT.
HOW ARE YOU-- IT'S HOT OUT THERE.
HOW ARE YOU KEEPING SO COOL? - A LOT LIKE THIS.
[cheers and applause]
- YES! YES, YES!
- WHOO! - GOOD IDEA.
- THE QUESTION IS, IS HE ON TINDER?
- THAT'S A SWIPE TO THE RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT.