Burnie: Hey everybody and thank you for joining us for another episode of Million Dollars, But.
Bernie: I have with me Mr Gavin Free.
Gavin: Hello.
Burnie: Mr Michael Jones.
Micheal: Hello.
Burnie: And I'm Burnie Burns.
Burnie: And we have decided that this episode we're gonna be using the "Million Dollars, but..." card game
Burnie: That you all funded on Kickstarter in a minute and forty-two seconds.
Burnie: Michael. Since you're our very special guest, why don't you start us off with your scenario?
Michael: Aw thank you very much.
Burnie: My pleasure.
Michael: Million dollars...
Gavin: That's soo much money.
Michael: But...
Michael: Every time you hear a whistle...
*Whistling.*
Michael: You are tackled by a professional linebacker.
Burnie: Are we talking professional, NFL level linebacker?
Michael: Yeah.
Burnie: Coming right at you?
Michael: He's bringing the pain.
*Thud.*
Burnie: *Shocked.* Oh Jesus.
Burnie: Sotheproblem is you whistle for a taxi.
Burnie: You get in the taxi as fast as you can.
Burnie: "GOGOGOGO!"
Burnie: The guy takes off,
Burnie: but then you get to the airport, open the trunk,
Burnie: Out pops the linebacker, and tackles you right there. *Michael laughing.*
Burnie: That's exactly how that would work.
Burnie: Dude, you could use this to your advantage, though. Think about it.
Burnie: Gavin, you have a lovely girlfriend.
Gavin: Yup.
Burnie: You're walking on the road. Gavin: Outside.
Burnie: Some big bikers, *wolf-whistle* like, whistles at her.
Burnie: You know a linebacker's coming.
Burnie: So, all you have to do is get as close to that guy as possible,
*linebacker screaming*
Burnie: linebacker takes you both out.
Gavin: It's true.
Gavin: You'll hear it where you, where you don't expect it so you're like, chilling by the pool.
Gavin: some arsehole kid is running and the lifeguard like, *Whistle blows*
*Burnie groans in pain.*
Gavin: So you're tackled into a swimming pool.
Burnie: Million Dollars, but everytime you hear a whistle you get tackled by a professional linebacker.
Burnie: I'm not doing it!
Gavin: Nup. Burnie: I can't do that one.
Burnie: I can't do it. Gavin: I'm not doing it.
*Ting*
Gavin: Million dollars, but...
Gavin: Every time someone says your name, you have to start a riot.
Burnie: *Disbelief.* A riot?!
Gavin: *Also in disbelief.* Yeah.
Burnie: So is it like, I'm walking on the city street
Burnie: someone says, "Hey, Burnie!" and I'm like, "Fuck..."
Burnie: and I like, open my trench coat, just immediately like, light a molotov cocktail...
Burnie: chuck it...
*Smash.*
Burnie: then start screaming.. get the cops out. It's like, basically you gotta try hit five stars in GTA.
Michael: Yeah. Burnie: Right?
Burnie: There's gotta be, something like, the five closest people to you are in on it.
Burnie: Like you're at Starbucks sitting there, on your phone. They put the coffee down and they're like,
Burnie: "Burnie, cappuccino?"
Burnie: the old lady next to you is like,
Burnie: "Fuck, it's on!"
Burnie: *trying to hold back laughter* and, she, baby in a stroller, with a picket sign.
Gavin: Oh! What if I got knighted?
Gavin: and the Queen said my name?
Michael and Gavin overlapping: DUDE! If the Queen s-said, already right next to me.
Michael: she'd already have the
Michael and Gavin: SWORD!
Gavin: She'd fight from it.
Queen: "I'll kill a bitch!"
Michael: And then she like stabs a guy
Michael: that's awesome. Gavin: *Holding back laughter.* She starts sticking members of the press.
Burnie: She's fuckin' goes, *Incoherent words and laughter.*
Burnie: She takes the sword of your shoulder and she's like, "It's go time!"
*Michael laughing like a maniac.*
Gavin: This scenario sucks, for
*Michael snickers.*
Gavin: us.
Gavin: People are gonna be like, walking down the street, "Michael?"
Gavin: "Is that you from Rooster teeth?" *Michael throws cup down angrily."
Gavin: the selfie is like, him in a choak hold. "Take it, take it."
Burnie: In the back of every selfie that you take there's tear gas coming in, hot from the cops.
Gavin: E-every, one tweet in later, "I just met Michael, then we got black eyes and stuff."
Burnie: "Best day ever!"
Gavin: "Best day ever!"
Gavin: I would... Deefinitely not do this one.
Gavin: Hundred percent no.
Burnie: Hundred percent, I would not do it either.
Micheal: I think I'd try it.
*Ting.*
Burnie: Here's mine.
Gavin: Hit us.
Burnie: A million dollars, *Gavin says something positive.* but...
Burnie: Every time you kiss someone, you must pick a fight with a child, and lose.
Gavin: Urgh, you would just never want to kiss someone would ya?
Gavin: How would you define losing the fight to a child? Burnie: *Sighing.* I dunno...
Gavin: Like you can't, you get knocked out?
To everyone else standing around you, including obviously the person that you've kissed,
Burnie: it has to look like this kid is just whaling on you, like,
Michael: I think
Burnie: you got sell this thing too. You've gotta beg, Michael: you cry.
like cry. You're a mess, you gotta be like, "Please just, please stop." *Gavin fake sobbing.*
*Gavin choking.* Micheal: D'you piss your pants a little bit?
Burnie: The good news is, there's no second kiss coming,
Burnie: and you're this wheepy mess with an eight year old who's on top of you, in the full mount going. *Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap.*
*Slap, slap.* Micheal: Yeah, then you just cut to the person you've kissed and they're like,
Micheal: "What happened?"
Micheal: Well I went out with this guy, and he seemed really nice but I..
Micheal: kissed him, and this kid beat the shit out of him, and he tapped out like a bitch.
Burnie: You know that kid would go to the playground the next day though.
Burnie: And he be like, all the other kids he goes, "It's all a fucking ruse."
Burnie: "These, they're weak as shit, we can beat the crap out of them. I did it yesterday!"
Gavin: And then kids take over the world.
Burnie: No, they try to and the, the principal's just whaling the shit out of them.
*Everyone laughing.*
Gavin: He's like holding them all at arms length.
*Punch, punch. Punch, punch.*
Burnie: Principle's like, "This is the best day ever!"
Gavin: Yeah well.
Burnie: "I've been dreaming about this!"
Gavin: *faintly* self-defense.
*Everyone laughing.*
Gavin: Kissing nice. I don't wanna do it. I don't want to do that.
Gavin: I wanna enjoy..
Burnie: Not taking the money!
Michael: Yeah... I think I have to agree with Gavin.
Burnie: Yeah, I think I'm taking take this one. I would take the money.
Michael: Yeah? Burnie: Yeah.
Burnie: Thanks everybody for watching this episode of "Million dollars, but..." It looks like Michael and I
Burnie: are a million dollars richer. And Gavin you got nothing!
Gavin: Drinks on you guys.
Burnie: Alright, well if you enjoyed this episode of "Million dollars, but.." don't forget to like this video
Burnie: and subscribe to this channel.
Burnie: Thanks everybody. #Butstuff.
*Cork pops followed by ting sound.*
Zach: Everytime you fart...
*Fart noise.*
Josh: Spontaneously, *fanfare* an entire parade shows up, celebrating your fart.
Josh: *Alarms blaring.* You need to disappear into a crowd. So you just, *farts* yeah.
Chris: And you do the robbery wearing like a band outfit.