- So, what is it about that special person
that when you finally meet 'em
they're dominating your thoughts.
You know, you catch yourself thinking
about them multiple times a day.
(bright music)
All right, hundreds of times a day,
if we being honest with ourselves what is it about them?
Well, today I'm gonna share with you five ways
of being that you can bring forth
that will dominate your mans thinking
and have him thinking about you all the time, check it out.
(bright music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs.
And I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships division
of the Brave Thinking Institute, where our mission
is empowering people to create and live a life
they love and that includes your love life.
So, if you like this video I encourage you to click
that little subscribe button and click that little bell.
Because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
So number one, is be unapologetically you.
Let your light shine, bring your brilliance
to the interactions between you and your man.
I coach so many women that are amazing, awesome, smart.
And they're worried about intimidating this guy.
They've got a great job, they make great money.
They're dynamic and yet they think
they need to dial themselves down
to attract the great guy or at least win him over.
'Cause they're like, I don't want to intimidate him.
I don't wanna make him feel bad, wrong approach.
You see, there's something that is incredibly
attractive about someone who doesn't care
about the opinions of others, that they're willing
to be their true authentic self.
Because when someone's in that state
they're demonstrating freedom, freedom to live,
freedom to be, freedom to express.
And quite frankly, that is one of the most attractive things
because that's what we all desire.
We all desire the ability to shed off any opinion
an approval and that fear from other people.
And instead just be our full, authentic, true selves.
So when you're doing that you also help your man
step into his light, when you step
into your light and your greatness
you give him even more permission to shine his light.
That feels really, really good.
There was a kind of mine who was a Stanford professor.
And when we first started working
with each other, she was like, oh
I feel like so many guys are intimidated by my intelligence.
And the fact that I work at Stanford
and I'm a professor, should I not tell them that?
And I was like, hell no, don't keep that a secret from them.
'Cause here's the deal, the man who's gonna be intimidated
by the fact you are a Stanford professor
is not the right man for you.
Your man is gonna hold his own.
Your man's gonna be brilliant.
Your man's gonna be amazing just like you are.
And so that's exactly what this woman did.
She shined her light and she attracted an amazing man.
The two of them fall in love and got married.
And they're in a beautiful relationship today.
So for you shine your light, bring your greatness
to the relationship and you're gonna attract
a man who can hold his own, who's gonna actually love
that you're shining your light
because he gets to shine his light even more.
And together you two will be a brilliant
expression of love on this planet.
Number two, is to hero-size him.
Now, if you want to evoke positive emotions in your man.
So, he feels good when he is around you.
And he's thinking about you all the time
then reduce the amount of criticizing
and increase the amount of hero-sizing.
You see, hero-sizing is actually very, very, very simple.
And this is where you help a man feel good about himself
in your presence because every man needs to feel needed.
He needs to feel necessary, now we know
that you can take care of yourself.
We know that you don't really need anything material
materially from him, but you do need,
and we need emotional support from one another.
We need love from one another.
And here's the deal, your man,
his mission is to try to give you and provide
you with something that you want.
And so when he takes you out to dinner
and that waiter serves that meal,
your man is so connected to your response
of that meal, that he feels as if he cooked
that meal and he served it to you.
And he actually owns that restaurant, right?
If you're looking at a sunset together
and he's like, Hey babe, look at this sunset.
Your man feels as if he painted
that sunset for you, the other night my wife
and I were walking and we came across
this bluff and there was a beautiful sunset.
And so my wife said, Hey, Mat, come here
look at this sunset and we're standing there.
We're taking in this sunset and my wife leans over
and goes thank you for making this for me.
And of course she was saying it jokingly
but she was also hero-sizing me in that moment.
I was like, I love this woman.
And I squeezed her and held her close.
So, hero-sizing is very simple.
All you have to do is simply appreciate him
for something that he has provided for you.
So if he takes you for a great dinner,
just say, Hey thank you so much, babe,
for this amazing dinner this really hit the spot.
Or if he drives across town to meet you for a date
say thank you for driving across
town I really appreciate that.
When you hero-size your man he will feel good
in your presence, when he feels good in your presence.
He starts thinking about you every day,
all day long 'cause he wants more of that.
And number three, is leave him wanting more.
It's really easy in the big beginning of a relationship.
When the two of you're just crazy
about one another to reach, what's called a satiation point
and kind of overdo it in the beginning.
You wanna be careful of that.
This is the moment where the two of you are talking
on the phone and you just don't wanna hang up.
And so you end up talking like till two o'clock
in the morning or you're out on a date
and you just don't want the date to end.
And you're like, Hey maybe we should go here
and maybe we should go there.
And the date turns into like a 16 hour day marathon date
and you go home with each other.
That that can be okay, but the risk
with that is that the next day
the two of you are satiated and he is satiated.
He's thinking, hmm, do I want to call her on the phone?
He's like, well, if I call her on the phone
we're gonna talk for eight hours.
And so he resists that because he's satiated.
It doesn't mean you have to cut the connection
off or the conversation off prematurely
but it does mean find ways to leave him wanting more.
So here's a great phrase that you can use
when you're on a conversation with him.
It's going well, it's clipping along.
You've had maybe an hour on the phone
with one another and then you can say something like this.
You can say, Hey, you know what?
I could talk to you all night and I'm gonna meet up
with some friends here real soon.
So I'm gonna need to let you go.
But I'm looking forward to the next time we talk.
Boom, that's beautiful, you're letting him
know you want more and that your life is busy.
You've got stuff on, really important
when you're you've got your busy, amazing life.
Do not cancel plans with your friends
or rearrange your life to fit him in.
If he calls you on a Saturday and says, Hey
last minute let's go hiking or let's get together.
Do not cancel on your girlfriends.
It's okay to be busy, but kind.
That's how you leave him morning more.
You're busy, you've got an amazing life.
You've got plans and you can be kind.
We say, oh, you know what? Oh, I would love to hang out
with you, I would love to go hiking with you.
And I've got plans with my friends.
When's another time we could do it.
And then he'll come up with another plan.
And that between then and that other plan
he'll be thinking about you, again you're busy, but kind.
And here's, what's great, when you leave your man,
wanting more, he's gonna be thinking about all the ways
that he can keep coming back to you.
And number four, is choose to see the beauty in the world.
When you actually think about it,
we wanna be around people, where it feels good
to be in their presence and the people
that you feel the best about, they see the beauty
around, in the world around them.
They see what's going right, they see what's going positive.
And in any one of our lives at any given moment
there are things that we can celebrate.
And there are things that aren't going so right.
There are things that are expansive
and blessings that we have and there are things
that we're struggling with and you and I,
we get to choose at any given moment
what it is that we want to focus on.
We can focus on the blessings or we can focus on
the problems, we can focus on what's going right
or we can focus on what's going wrong.
When you focus on the beauty, when you focus
on what's going right, it lifts everyone else up around you.
Be very careful about the guy who wants to commiserate
with you because here's what's happening.
In that moment the two of you are connecting
and it kind of actually feels good in that moment.
When you commiserate around ex's that were horrible
or the dating scene that's so hard
or what's going, how hard work is
or when you start complaining together
and you're bonding in that moment,
but here's what's happening, while it feels good
in the moment, because you know you're not alone
in your pain, when you leave each other.
And then you're thinking about do I want to get back
together with that person, he has now associated
you with pain because that's all you guys
talked about that night, the same thing
you're associating him with that pain.
You do not want to be associated with pain.
There's a great scene in the movie, Jerry McGuire
where Jerry is on an early date
with Dorothy and he starts complaining
about his ex and about love and how hard it is.
And she starts to kind of go down that road with him
but then she interrupts the conversation
and she goes, Jerry, let's not tell our sad stories.
And he says, all right and so they shift the conversation.
That is a brilliant line, let's not tell our sad stories.
Use that line, if your man starts to go down a sad road
with you in a conversation, interrupt him and say
let's not tell our sad stories and bring it back
to something beautiful, something positive
something expansive because here's the deal.
when you leave each other in a beautiful state,
he will want more and more of that state with you.
And number five, is give him a six-second kiss.
I love this, this is extraordinary.
I love little simple things that you can do
that have a massive impact, it's like a small hinge,
that swings of big door and this is one of 'em.
The Gottman Institute did a bunch of research
and found that when you hold a kiss for six seconds
something magical happens inside of each of you.
There's this biochemical release, this cascade
of love hormones that takes over your body.
Once you hit that six second mark.
So I read this and I was like,
Hmm, this is an interesting idea.
Let me, let me explore this and when my wife is leaving
taking the kids to school or whatever,
she'll gimme a peck and she'll be like,
ah, honey, I love you, she'll leave.
And so we started experimenting with this.
And so I'll pause, I'll hug her
I'll kiss her and we'll hold for six seconds.
And it really feels like my biochemistry
is igniting inside me and it grows over the six seconds.
It looks like this, you can't see it in your man,
but if you could this is what it would look like.
Hmm, hmm, hmm, so my wife and I are holding
this six second kiss and my kid
are there ready to go to school.
And most kids would be like, mom, dad gross.
Yeah, not my kids, they're four and seven.
And this is what I hear as we're kissing.
They're like get into it, get into it.
(Mat laughing)
So funny, but here's what's great.
It's small, but it makes a big difference.
So instead of just giving your man a peck,
when either one of you are gonna leave for work
or you're separating like go on for your day,
pause, give each other a six second kiss
ignite his biochemistry and he will be thinking
about you and that kiss all day long.
So my question for you is and this can really help us
guys out, what does your man do
that has thinking about him all day long?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you, heres to your amazing
love life and I'll see you soon.
(bright music)