Hi, Brad Browning here, relationship coach and author of the Ex Factor Guide, a program
that teaches men and women how to get back together with their ex. And that's what I'm
going to be talking about in this video. So if you want to get your ex back, then this
is the video for you. Now before I go any further I should say that I've been working
with men and women across the world for the past 7 years or so and I've learned a lot
about how to get your ex back. It's a very complicated process and there's a lot of nuances
to it and one of the best ways to break it down into manageable chunks is to break it
down into three phases. So there's three phases of getting your ex back. I call this my "3R
System" -- Recovery, Rekindling, and Re-Attraction. So let's start talking about the Recovery
phase. The first phase after your breakup. The Recovery Phase, the first phase after
your breakup. Now this is where you're feeling at your worst. So after your breakup, you're
feeling heartbroken, lonely, depressed, whatever it is, all those emotions are at their peak
in the Recovery Phase. Again, this is the first month or so after the breakup. Now the
main goal of this period is what it says! Recovery! You want to get to the point where
you're making good decisions, rational decisions, avoid breaking into tears when you talk to
your ex, etc. So that's why one of the main things you need to do during the Recovery
Phase is ignore your ex. Don't talk to your ex. Leave him or her alone for the next little
while. For the first month or so. And also in this phase in addition to ignoring your
ex, you also want to remove reminders from your ex from your life. Now that means taking
pictures off the wall, taking the stuffed animals, and the love notes, putting them
all in the box, putting it away in your basement. Just removing all the physical reminders of
your ex from your life. Not only do you want to remove the physical reminders, you also
want to remove your ex's contact details from your phone, hide their status updates from
your Facebook timeline, do whatever you need to do to forget your ex during this phase.
Now I know, you still need your ex back, but you still need to recover to the point where
you can think rationally and handle a conversation with your ex without breaking into tears.
Another important thing in this recovery process is occupying your time. This is the time when
you need to lean on your friends. Go hangout with your friends. Make new friends. Pickup
new hobbies. Go to the gym. Work on your goals in school, or work. Date other people. Whatever
it is you need to do to stay busy during this first month while you're ignoring your ex.
Now this is probably a good point for me to out an important fact, and that's that every
single breakup, yours included, is caused by the same thing: and that is a loss of attraction.
Your ex was previously attracted to you, and then the attraction faded whether it was over
a week or a month or a year, to the point where they decided to breakup. If your ex
gave you reasons as to why the breakup happened in the first place. Maybe they gave you an
explanation or they gave you a few things that led to their decision to breakup, I'm
sorry to say, but they were probably lying. Or if they were telling the truth then it
was only part of the truth. They were probably trying to avoid to avoid further conflict,
further discussions or trying to avoid hurting you further. But you do need to realize, as
I said, that all relationships fail due to a loss of attraction. This may be because
you displayed some negative, unattractive characteristics that caused your ex to lose
attraction. Things like jealousy, neediness, complacency, cheating. Or you stopped displaying
the attractive characteristics that caused your ex to fall for you in the first place.
Now during the recovery phase, you don't want to overanalyzing things. You don't want to
be reading into every little thing that your ex is saying or doing and assuming that it
has some deeper meaning. But it's also a good opportunity to think about what changes occurred
in your relationship that caused the fundamental loss of attraction that led to your breakup.
Now before I go onto the Rekindling Phase, I'd like to just say please like this video
if you've found it helpful so far. Really appreciate it, it helps me out a lot. It's
just the button down there. So please like if you've found it helpful. Now, on to the
Rekindling Phase. This is the second phase of three, and it's all about changing the
way your ex sees you. Helping them to forget about the negative memories and the reasons
they broke up with you and hold on to the nostalgia, the happy memories. It's also all
about setting the stage for the third phase, which is Re-Attraction. Now one of the most
important things you're going to be doing in the Rekindling Phase is making your ex
miss you. Think about how you would miss something or what causes you to miss something or someone.
Generally speaking, if you're very comfortable and used to having something or someone in
your life, if that is suddenly removed from you, or taken away from you, taken out of
your life altogether, all of a sudden, that's what's going to make you miss that object
or that person. And the exact same principle applies to your ex. If you just keep in contact
with your ex, everyday, and you just start of slowly fade away, they won't develop those
feelings of missing you like you need them to in order to get them back. So that's what
this No Contact phase is all about. I mentioned this in the first phase, you're not going
to want to talk to your ex at all for about a month after the breakup. And that's one
of the main goals of this. And in addition to helping you get over your ex, it's also
going to make your ex miss you. Now science has actually proven that it comes to a peak
around 3 weeks after the breakup. 3 weeks of not hearing from you, or being totally
used to having you in their life, your ex is going to be missing you like crazy. And
that's really important to your chances of getting them back. This is actually quite
a complicated thing and if you actually want to learn more about it, just head over to
my website, BreakupBrad.com I've got a video on there about how to make your ex miss you.
I can't go into too much depth here. But it's very important to make your ex miss you and
what's why the No Contact phase must occur if your ex is going to miss you. Another thing
that you want to be doing during the Rekindling Phase is working on changing yourself back
into the attractive person your ex fell for in the first place. So that involves basically
a lot of self improvement things. Things like going to the gym, getting new clothes, making
new friends, being social. Generally improving your life moving forward, so that your ex
sees you more than just your desperate ex that they're trying to move on from but someone
who's attractive. Someone that they're actually going to have second thoughts about breaking
up with. So by doing all these sorts of things, like I said, being social, making new friends,
going on dates if you can, going to the gym, buying new clothes, whatever it is, you're
moving your life forward to make yourself more attractive to your ex so that they think
to themselves, hm, I wonder if breaking up with this person was such a good idea in the
first place. Because hey, look at how awesome they are. Look at how they're thriving since
the breakup. And another thing that sort of ties into that, is what I call Covert Jealousy.
Basically this involves making your ex jealous, which they will if you do this the way I'm
going to talk about. You got to be careful about this of course, because it does have
some dangers associated with it but it works extremely well. And what you need to do to
generate this Covert Jealousy is basically date other people. Date other people! Go out
on, even if it's not a date, even if it's just a hanging out with friends of the opposite
sex, that's what's going to cause your ex to become jealous when they find out about
it. So this covert jealousy can really help out your cause and really make you look a
lot more attractive in the eyes of your ex. As a matter of fact, there's something in
evolutionary science called "pre-selection", which is what this Covert Jealousy is based
on. Basically, if your ex sees you as being pursued by other men, other women, then they're
going to want you more as well. They're going to assume that you're a high value person
and that they made a mistake letting you go. So Covert Jealousy is an extremely important
part of the Rekindling Phase. Now the final part of the Rekindling Phase is the first
contact with your ex. You're re-establishing communication with your ex once the No Contact
period is over. Now you're going to want to start small. Don't just suddenly jump into
a phone call with your ex where you start talking about your relationship and future
and all that. Don't do that. Start small. Start with maybe a simple text message, something
really happy and care free, upbeat. The goal here is to just to show your ex that A) you're
still around, you're doing great since the breakup and to show them generally that you're
thriving, you're happy, you're carefree. Avoid any negativity in these first few contacts
with your ex. Don't bring up any drama, don't talk about the relationship. Just be happy,
be funny, show your ex a good time. Remind them why you were so awesome and why you were
together with this person for such a long period of time. Now one of the best ways to
do this, one of the best ways to reach out to your ex in this sort of small, happy casual
way after the no contact period is by text message. Now this is going to be a short video,
I can't go into all the different types of text messages you can use at this point, but
in my program The Ex Factor Guide I do have a bunch of sample text messages. So if you
need any ideas, just head over to my website, BreakupBrad.com and I got some more there.
One example though for this first time you're reaching out to your ex after no contact is
what I call The Question Text. Now this is a lot better than just saying "hey" or "what's
up" or something like that that may not generate a reply. The question text is specifically
designed to A), bring up a positive, happy memory that you and your ex shared together
and B.) generate a reply. So the question text, essentially what I recommend is doing
something, say something like, "Hey remember that beach we found last summer? Do you remember
what highway exit we took to get there? I want to take a friend but I can't remember
how to get there." Something like that where A), I'm reminding my ex the great time we
had at the beach last summer, B) I'm suggesting I'm taking a friend there (doing a little
bit of Covert Jealousy), and C), I'm asking a question so hopefully I'm going to get a
reply. Now again this is just one type of text message you can use and obviously you'll
have to customize it to your situation, but I do recommend starting with something small
and care free, happy attitude to your text message and building from there and preparing
yourself for the next phase. And finally on to the third phase, Re-Attraction. Now this
is where you're going to need to establish an in-person meeting with your ex. You're
going to want to rebuild the physical and emotional connection, and it's all done in
person. So that's the first goal here, you want to get an in-person meeting with your
ex. Now you can just pose as a friend here, you're not going to say anything like let's
back together, let's talk about it or whatever, you're just going to ask them to meet, you
catch up. Maybe it's over coffee, thirty minutes, after work, whatever it is, just get an in-person
meeting as a friend, and at that point, you can do what needs to be done to rebuild some
of the physical and emotional attraction that your ex had for you. Again, just like with
the text message, stay positive. Don't talk about the relationship, don't bring up any
drama, don't get into any arguments. Just keep it friendly, upbeat, happy, and show
your ex a good time. That's really important. And before I go any further I should also
mention that this phase, Re-Attraction, can actually differ quite dramatically from men
to women. As a matter of fact if you go to my website, BreakupBrad.com, you'll be asked
whether you're male or female before you watch the videos that I have up there, because this
phase, as I said, does differ from men to women. So this is sort of general overview.
If you want to learn what it takes specifically for your gender, go to my website and I'll
have more information. Now, when you're in this in-person meeting, you're showing your
ex a good time, you're having fun, you're also showing them the new you, because remember,
you've gone through this self improvement thing that I've talked about earlier. You've
been ignoring your ex, you want to show them how you've changed, you want to be happy,
upbeat, friendly, and most importantly, you want to flirt. Now they're there as friends
but that doesn't mean you can't flirt and build some sexual tension with your ex. Don't
be afraid to touch. Touching is really important. A lot of experts call this "kino" -- basically,
it involves flirting by touching. Reminding your ex what it felt like when you were together.
Developing that subconscious memories and bringing back that nostalgia and of course,
building that sexual tension that's critical for every romantic relationship. Okay, that's
pretty much all we have time for in this video. Thanks very much for watching. And just to
mention if you do have a unique situation that something that wasn't covered during
this video that you're still wondering about, just head over to my website www.BreakupBrad.com
and watch the free video presentation I have on there. I go into other what if scenarios
and possibly answering your question. You can also find my email address there in case
you want to get in touch. And lastly, please subscribe to my YouTube channel if you've
found this video helpful. I'm always releasing new videos on the same topic, so do subscribe
me here on YouTube and watch some of my other videos. thank you again for watching, and
I'll see you next time.