[Mario]: Fafa! Look at this new computer I got for "Let's play Candy Crush!"
[Fafa]: Mario, don't play that game. It's not just candy. It's evil! Evil candy!
[Mario]: That's stupid! I'm playing it.
{GUNSHOT}
Oh my God!
[Fafa]: You know how old people say that video games are bad for you?
Well this game actually is!
It's addictive, evil, crushy candy.
[Mario]: But... Candy!
[Fafa]: 'Candy Crush Saga' is a casual, low-commitment, evil puzzle game.
It's kind of like Tetris, or those gem breaking games.
[Mario]: Ooh, I love those games!
[Fafa]: Candy crush can be played on mobile devices or on Facebook.
Which means while you're wasting time on Facebook,
you'll waste even more time playing Candy Crush.
[Mario]: Sounds good. I'm in.
[Fafa]: No seriously, don't do it!
[Mario]: Okay. It says I have to get 300 points.
[Fafa]: You should seriously stop.
[Mario]: Be quiet! I have to concentrate on my candies.
[Fafa]: Oh man.
[Mario]: Okay, yellow goes with yellow...
[Fafa]: I can't watch this...
[Mario]: It said I'm wonderful! Why thank you, Mr Candy Crush.
Sorry for putting such a beat-down on your level 1!
Well, I must say I find the music very relaxing, and I have just beaten level 19! How long have I been playing?
[Fafa]: Uh... Seven hours.
[Mario]: What?!
[Fafa]: You can waste all day listening to the soothing sounds of Candy Crush.
[Game]: Tasty!
[Mario]: Whoo, that voice is so pleasant!
Is that Barry White?
[Fafa]: But that's not even the worst part. It's a social game, too!
It'll spread itself to your friends.
[Mario]: Okay, it says I need tickets to cross this lake of lemonade, what the hell is going on?!
[Fafa]: It wants you to ask your friends for help.
[Mario]: What?!
[Fafa]: When you run out of lives, or need to get to higher levels
Candy Crush makes you ask your friends for help.
[Mario]: But... I do not want anyone to know I am playing this terrible game!
[Fafa]: Well, you could pay to get to the next level.
[Mario]: Pay?!
[Fafa]: Yeah. Give Facebook your credit card number, 'cuz that's always a good idea.
[Mario]: Huh.
[Fafa]:There will come a time when the nice Candy Crush carnival barker you thought was your friend
will come and ask you for money.
[Mario] Curse you level 94, with your licorice prison cells and caustic chocolate! I have been stuck here for three weeks!
Wait, what's this?
[Mario]: Fafa, where do we keep the credit cards?!
[Fafa]: No!
[Mario]: Oh, please! I need to buy magic paintbrush and extra lives
and I can send jelly boosters to all of my friends!
[Fafa]: You sound like a crazy person!
[Mario]: When I shut my eyes, all I see is candy. I think I need help!
[Fafa]: Harmless, you say? Just candy, you say? No.
Candy Crush wants one thing. Your brain.
[Mario]: That is stupid!
[Fafa]: The following is the natural progression of a Candy Crush player. If you have a weak stomach,
please, look away.
Remember we're doing this so you don't have to.
[Mario]: I don't get it. This game is stupid!
[Game]: Tasty!
[Mario]: Okay, not so bad.
[Game]: Delicious!
[Mario]: I made a candy bomb! Woo-hoo!
[Game]: Addictive!
[Mario]: Impossible! I hate this! So stupid! I quit you, Candy Crush!
[Game]: Keep playing!
[Mario]: Okay, just one more game.
[Game]: Mmm. Gimmie your soul...
[Mario]: Candy... So much Candy...
[Fafa]: We're not saying that it's not fun. [Mario]: It is! [Fafa]: we're just saying that it's evil! [Mario] It is!
[Fafa]: Wait a minute. I thought you were hooked on Candy Crush.
I'm not doing that anymore.
I'm going to find something more productive to do with my time!
[Fafa]: Good for you!
[Mario]: What is smack?