We spend so much time fighting our enemies in CS:GO that we rarely have the time to appreciate
the character models.
They’re beautiful!
And now that their basic blocky hitboxes have been replaced with sexy smooth balls, there’s
no better time to perform some…
SKIN analysis.
First off: how NOT to do it.
The Leet crew nicely represents your average gamer, dropped into a warzone at short-notice.
Trainers rather than boots, used dishcloth for a scarf that’s just waiting to drop
down and expose his true identity… he won’t be walking down the catwalk any time soon,
that’s for sure!
And what about his belt?
Where does he attach important stuff to it?
He hasn’t thought this through very closely has he.
As luck would have it he has chosen complementary colours for his jeans and top, but don’t
for a second think that it’s intentional!
His top screams ‘knock off Ralph Lauren’ and the jeans…
well, they’re stained by the urine of a thousand clutches.
Now the Anarchist.
Let me just say how I adore his faded McKenzie skinny jeans, complete with rips that I believe
he’s made himself.
It takes guts to tear into a $400 pair of trousers but I feel he’s pulled it off!
Even if the rips weren’t intentional.
Get a knife holster, man!
Props to his ankle support boots which will help keep mud and slush away from his toes.
Moving up a bit we see that he’s sporting a practical Adidas hoodie, lovingly plastered
with custom patches and pockets.
You can tell that he’s put real love into his design to make it unique, but in a way
that says ‘I care more about the bigger picture’, which he does by using an American
flat scarf as a muffler.
To keep him warm on Office, perhaps?
Or maybe to show who he stands and speaks for?
Also note his matching bag.
Reminds me of the sort you’d see at school.
Maybe his Mum’s packed him a nice lunch for when the fighting is done.
The Balkan gear is perhaps more appropriate for combat, blending in with the bleak brown
environments of Train.
Everything about his get-up screams PRACTICAL, and has no doubt seen many trial runs given
how worn it all looks.
Perhaps from experience he has learned that a utility belt is better for keeping everything
within reach.
We can see already that he’s more weathered fighter than the Anarchist with his child
backpack.
The Balkan’s coat has a fur lining to keep him warm during long camping sessions, probably
located at T spawn on casual matches.
Pay attention guys- this is how to pull off that baggy yet bulky look.
This Phoenix Connection outfit is the most recent addition- and it shows!
From his tan boots to his mysterious, cotton balaclava, this handsome hulk of a man knows
how to get your attention.
He even comes prepared with a protective jacket that should help keep blood stains off that
Prada shirt.
He’s man enough to wear salmon, knowing full-well that it’s the new white, tastefully
accentuated with the hint of tartan overlay, rolled up to reveal his hirsute arms, which
is a perfectly cromulent style given today’s bubblesphere.
I kid you not.
He even sports an Armani emblem on his belt.
Makes you want to touch it, doesn’t it.
Doesn’t it?
Now the professional lives up to his name by managing the same standard as the Phoenix
but with seemingly far less effort.
Why hide your face with a balaclava when a pair of Raybans can do the same thing more
elegantly?
Why wear a bullet proof vest if you’re good enough not to get shot in the first place?
Instead, replace it with a pinstripe waistcoat to help guide the eyes both down to his knife
holder.
Sensible.
And also UP… to a perfect Windsor knot.
Bet he’s got another, equally impressive outfit hidden away in that duffle bag!
If only he had a beautiful British accent, he could have been up there with James Bond
as a 00 agent.
Still, I’d go home with this guy.
No homo!
And lastly the Pirate.
Rather cliched theme but he pulls it off with a clearly toned arse and abs and…
OH MY.
Look at the muscles on this bad boy!
Once again, no homo.
Just saying that he’s in good physical shape.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s just the truth!
Were I gay- which I’m not!- I’d love for him to pin me against that bit of my wall
just between my green screen and wardrobe.
As his belts of ammunition drop to the floor he could mumble angry pirate-y things into
my ear.
I could try to resist at first, but my defence would crumble as I’m overpowered by his
incredibly ripped torso and angry pirate-y eyes.
Or eye.
Doesn’t matter though…
cos no homo!