Transcriber: Delia Cohen Reviewer: Nada Qanbar
I'm going to tell you where my story started off
and miss some of the stuff.
My story started off as an army brat overseas.
My mother came back to the States,
and when she came back, she landed in Alabama.
(Laughter)
So it wasn't strange for me to see
or run from people trying to chase and kill me.
See, that wasn't a strange occurrence; that happened all the time.
It wasn't strange to see crosses in the front yard and your cars burned up.
That wasn't a strange thing to see.
My mother wanted better for her family.
So, she loaded up the truck, and we moved to Beverly - Hills, that is -
swimming pools, movie stars.
Life was all good; life was all good, life was all good,
She chose California
because there's no prejudice in California.
(Laughter)
So, one day, I learned different.
I was at school, kind of smart.
I played the first-string violin, sang in the choir.
By that time, I spoke a couple of languages.
I was sitting there practicing my handwriting.
This happened in the early 60s.
My teacher walked up to me with authority,
because teachers had authority back in those days.
You didn't shoot the teacher if they said anything stupid to you.
(Laughter)
She walked up to me with the authority that I knew she had, and she said,
"You're an uppity little nigger, aren't you?"
I didn't even know what she'd called me. I said, "Yes, ma'am."
(Laughter)
Because I had been "colored," I had been a "coon," I had been "darkie,"
and on my birth certificate to this day it says "Negro."
But it don't say "nigger."
So, I went home, and I told my mother what the teacher had called me
and that, for the first time, I knew what an insult felt like.
Running and chasing wasn't an insult; it was just the way it was.
But to be called that by your teacher in California where there's no prejudice,
my self-esteem was snatched from me that day, just snatched.
So I turned into something that I never ever want to ever be again:
I turned into a bully.
- Well, I am a bully; I bully the guys over in the yard. -
(Laughter)
But what happened is I was angry.
I was mad at the man, and you've got to know this was in the 60s,
so the "man" was the white man, the "govern-man," anybody.
So I turned into a little junior Panther in my mind.
I was mad at everybody.
(Laughter)
Anger and low self-esteem don't go well together,
because they cause you to get some things to get you some self-esteem
like some alcohol, like some red devils,
like the one that brought me to my knees, crack cocaine.
Low self-esteem and not feeling good about you
will cause anything to happen to you.
See, I'm a juvenile offender; I know what it is to be in blue.
I know what it is not to feel real good about yourself.
That's the reason why I know infinite possibilities are possible.
Look at me!
(Applause)
My brother walked up to me one day, and he says,
"How long are you going to continue to tear your life apart?"
And I said, "Excuse me?
I said, "The man has got his foot on my neck."
My brother looked at me.
Most of my family think I'm crazy
- most everybody I know thinks I'm crazy -
My brother looked at me, and he says, "Turn around."
For the first time I realized that nobody had their foot on my neck.
Nobody was after me; nobody had been chasing me.
I was the man!
Low self-esteem was the man; drugs and alcohol became the man.
You became the man;
anybody that I came in contact with became the man.
Now, I was free - that one day freed me by knowing the truth.
But I was ready for the truth.
(Applause)
So I get a chance to go back to school
and come back, and be a substance abuse transition counselor
in the prisons.
I worked at CIW and CRC, and now I'm here at Ironwood.
I come back to the prison, not because I have issues.
I don't have issues; I don't want no boyfriend in the prison.
(Laughter)
I don't want all that kind of stuff; I don't come here for that.
I come here simply to give you
the best information that you could possibly have
so you can live happy, joyous, and free; one day just like I would.
(Applause)
That's what I come back for.
See, I come back to help you.
I come back to let you know infinite possibilities are possible.
You can do anything that you want to do one day at a time.
That's all it takes.
If you want to still be mad at you, I'm sorry.
But like I tell my guys,
"Shut up, sit down, pay attention.
Let somebody help you.
If you give me the chance, I will pass this information on to you.
If you don't want it, I'm not all tore up about it."
Just like if you don't believe it, I ain't tore up about it.
But I want to let you know infinite possibilities are so possible.
Thank you so much for this TEDx opportunity.
(Applause)