-Over the past month,
the coronavirus outbreak
has changed Americans' lives
in previously unimaginable ways.
The news is full of scary headlines,
but in the midst of all that,
a few uplifting stories have emerged,
which brings us to a segment we call
"The Kind of Story We Need Right Now."
♪♪
One thing dominating the news, these days,
is our nation's shortage of hand sanitizer.
Regular people don't have it.
Hospitals don't have it.
Not even overprotective moms with giant purses have it,
and they always have it.
So a liquor distillery in Rhode Island
called the Industrious Spirit Company
decided to make it
and they're giving it away for free.
-One thing we have a lot of is very high-volume alcohol
that is a byproduct of making our vodka and our spirits.
-We were like, "Hey, let's take this waste product
and turn it into something that will help people."
Here you go, buddy. -Thank you very,
very much. -Yeah, no problem.
We're calling it the "wish we could" window.
We wish we could give you a hug.
We can't. We can give you hand sanitizer.
-[ Tapping ] This is the kind of story we need right now.
While other people are responding to this crisis
by hoarding stuff, those guys are responding
by giving stuff away. Do you have any idea
how much money they could be making?
Giving away hand sanitizer in 2020
is like giving away Cabbage Patch Dolls in 1985.
You wouldn't have done it, kids.
Also, I'm so psyched they can make it
and still make vodka, because, at first, I thought,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We do need both!"
Americans have been robbed of so many things we love
in the past few weeks, but, thanks to those guys,
now, we can have the thing Americans love most --
free stuff.
Meanwhile, in New York, due to the coronavirus outbreak,
officials canceled the city's St. Patrick's Day Parade
for the first time in 250 years,
so, on March 17th, one New Yorker found a way
to celebrate St. Paddy's Day safely on his balcony.
[ Bagpipes playing "God Bless America" ]
♪♪
This is the kind of story we need right now.
That man helped people enjoy
the best part of St. Patrick's Day --
Irish culture -- without the worst part
of St. Patrick's Day --
drunk people yelling about how they're 1/16th Irish.
Plus, every time I've ever heard bagpipes,
I've had one thought -- "I wish they were just a little
farther away from me."
Also, shoutout to that guy's neighbor,
who is probably thinking, "That is not the story
I needed right now." I hear ya, buddy.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
By the way, when I realized he was playing
"God Bless America," I wasn't crying.
You were crying!
Over in Europe, several countries
have imposed strict lockdowns,
allowing citizens to leave their homes
only for groceries or medicine,
but that hasn't stopped Europeans from having fun,
like these two guys right here.
This is the kind of story we need right now.
Not only are those guys staying isolated,
they're inventing new sports.
And they're not the only ones.
These neighbors in Spain played Bingo
across an entire apartment complex.
-Cuarenta y nueve.
Cuatro nueve.
Ochenta y nueve.
Ocho nueve.
-And a farmer in Canada is selling pork to customers
by throwing it to them from his porch.
-Three! -Yep.
-Good man. Thanks for comin' through.
-Pork porch!
So that's balcony tennis,
long-distance Bingo,
and the pork toss.
When the Tokyo Olympics finally happen,
whenever they happen, they're gonna be lit.
And, while we're on the subject of Bingo,
Matthew McConaughey,
the one and only Matthew McConaughey,
and his family, hosted a virtual Bingo night
for members of a Texas senior living facility on Monday
and it was -- Well, take a look.
-We got a I-24.
I-24. -I-24.
-Ohhhhh!
Richard Black is wavin' a hammer up high!
We got two winners!
-This is the kind of story we need right now.
Wooderson grew into such a nice young man.
[ As Wooderson ] That's what I love about these senior livin' women.
I get older,
and so do they.
And, finally, in Upper Manhattan,
fiancées Reilly Jennings and Amanda Wheeler
were planning to get married this coming October.
But when the city started shutting down last month,
they ran to the New York City Marriage Bureau
and got a marriage license
and decided to get married right away, instead.
How did they do that while also maintaining
proper social distancing? Easy.
They stood on the sidewalk
with their guests spread around them at a safe distance
and had a friend marry them from a four-story window.
-Do you, Amanda Wheeler,
solemnly declare that you take Reilly Jennings
to be your spouse?
Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and keep her
for as long as you both shall live?
[ Hip hop plays ] If so, say, "I do."
-I do! [ Cheering ]
[ Applause ]
[ Crying ]
-By the powers vested in me by the state of New York,
-Whoo! -I pronounce you marrie-ie-ie-d!
[ Cheering ]
-"My neighbor has a bagpipe.
Should I get him on his balcony?"
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is the kind of story we need right now.
How good does it feel to watch a wedding
in the middle of a pandemic?
Plus, these women are livin' the dream.
They got to get married without planning a reception.
Most couples spend a full year tasting cakes, auditioning DJs.
These women looked at their wedding checklist and were like,
"Brides? Check.
Windows? Check.
Let's do this."
Nothing makes me happier than watching two people get married
without spending $5,000 on an ice sculpture.
And, most importantly, this story settled
an age-old argument.
Is it a sunroof?
Is it a moon roof?
Neither.
It is a wedding roof.
So much is hard right now and there's so much bad news,
so thanks to the people who are finding creative ways
to make the good news because, truly, more than ever,
these are the kind of stories we need right now.
♪♪