I was in Vegas last weekend, and I can still
smell it on my clothes.
I did fun stuff.
I did stuff I would never do otherwise,
stuff I could only get away with in Vegas.
Get this-- I ate a donut.
It was so good.
I can't remember the last time I had a donut.
If you haven't had a donut lately, do it.
Get one.
Eat it.
I went to this place called Topgolf.
Have you heard of Topgolf?
Yeah, it's weird because everything in Vegas is topless.
This is Topgolf.
And so, the golf was good, but the donut was amazing.
I even got a hole in one--
in the donut, not the golf.
There was a hole in one of the donuts.
I had a great time.
One of my highlights of my trip was
I got to go see J. Lo perform.
I went to go see the show.
[APPLAUSE]
"All I Have."
She is incredible.
She is so good.
She is like three donuts.
She's-- obviously, I don't go anywhere without a camera,
so here's what happened.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Jennifer.
Oh, hey.
Hi.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm your understudy.
So I thought-- are you wearing this tonight?
No. [? Understudy? ?]
Well, thank you for letting me--
for asking me to do this.
I really appreciate it.
Well, you didn't ask me, so I volunteered.
Right.
But thank you for--
so thank me for volunteering.
So I'm your understudy.
We don't really do, like, understudies for--
But we're going to do it this time.
OK.
You're not wearing this at all tonight?
No.
OK, this is embarrassing.
That's not going to work.
Yeah, yeah.
These rip-away clothes, though--
Yeah, no, they're--
Yeah.
It's sexy.
OK.
That's nice.
So we're kind of-- yeah.
Yes.
We are kind of exactly alike.
Oh, I love this.
Yeah.
So, OK, let's back to-- because we don't have a lot of time,
because the show starts in five hours.
There are no understudies in these type of shows.
You're in denial.
No, it is called "Jennifer Lopez, All I Have."
And so--
Speaking of that--
It's hard for it to be Jennifer Lopez,
but it's not Jennifer Lopez.
It's Ellen.
Right, Jennifer Lopez--
All I have.
--all I have is Ellen.
If it happened.
I mean, I guess.
I like the glasses.
Do you need those or are they just for show?
No, I just like these.
Yeah.
Thank god I don't need glasses.
These aren't mine, but I just--
Whose are those?
I don't know.
I mean, you're wearing glasses.
I want people to get the same feel.
You want to be the understudy, right?
Yeah.
This is a concert.
This is me singing my songs.
It would be hard for somebody else
to come in and make believe--
I can sing songs.
--that they were Jennifer Lopez when they're not,
when that's what people are coming to see.
It would be weird.
Well, which is worse-- me being there or an empty theater?
No, they would love to see you.
Right.
Right, but not that you would be my understudy or be me.
You'd just be Ellen and they'd be happy.
Why are you so angry with me?
Why?
OK, let's do some vocal warm-ups.
You just hit a note and I'll find it.
(SINGING) He.
Ah.
All right.
(SINGING) He.
He.
You have good pitch.
That's good.
You were a little sharp, but that's what makes you you.
[INAUDIBLE]
Yeah, just a little sharp, but it makes you--
that's why you're you.
OK, I'm going to check your reflexes, OK?
[BLEEP]
Good.
What are you doing?
Am I good?
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah.
So this will be my dressing room should you be sick.
So I brought some things just to make it look like it's mine.
I brought books to make it look like I read.
"Moby Dick."
I have a furniture line.
I don't know if you know that.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going
to get rid of most of this.
So I'll just put stickers on things to take away.
Do you not like this sofa?
It's not as nice as mine.
OK.
So we're just going to change everything?
Is that how it's going to go?
Well, if it's mine, yes.
I'll leave the rest.
You'll leave the rest.
You'll leave that one picture?
Yeah, and of course--
You like the star?
Here.
[INAUDIBLE] You're definitely taking over.
I can go now?
Yeah, leave.
No, that's for the movers.
They'll get you.
If there's anything I need to know--
mainly about the show--
do you stretch and stuff like that beforehand?
Yeah, I warm up beforehand.
Like, what?
Stretching your neck, and your back,
and your hips, and your legs, and just
making sure that when you get out there and you start,
your adrenaline gets the best of you,
that you don't pull a muscle.
OK.
We, like, throw our head around a little bit.
Like that?
We just want to warm up your neck.
Warm up.
So you don't get whiplash when you're out there.
I'm dizzy just from doing that.
Just from doing that?
Yeah.
Well, I'm also drunk, so--
From last night?
No, now.
Now?
[LAUGHTER]
I just drank.
So I guess that's it.
Yeah.
So thank you very much for--
No, thank you.
--meeting with me.
Yes, I just think--
We should go?
No, I mean, I have to get ready soon.
Well, you don't have to go.
You can hang out.
No, I have things.
I've got-- I can't.
Thank you very much for asking me to stay, but I can't.
[? No way-- ?] OK.
OK.