I want to tell everyone my story to educate others and let go of what happened.
It's been four years now, and I think I'm finally ready to tell the world. When I
was about five years old or so, my mother met a man and fell in love with him. He
seemed to be the perfect father for me and my older sister. He would play
with us, buy us gifts and treat us like his very own kids. My mother was certain
that he was the one. I can't say his name, so I will change it - his name was "Dan."
I remember going on holidays and having fun with Dan when I was younger.
After a while though, I remember him coming into my room often, always at
night when I was in my bed in my pajamas and everyone else was either downstairs
or asleep. He would come in and strip the covers off me and stare at my body and
touch my arms and waist. He did this frequently but I didn't understand that
it was wrong, and he always told me he was putting me to bed and saying
goodnight. I remember one time I was in my room playing and he took me into his
room and put me on the bed. My sister was in her room which was across the hallway,
and my mom was downstairs. He started putting his hands down my pants to which
I squealed in surprise, and my sister opened her door. He quickly started
tickling me instead. When she came in, I was squealing again, but this time
because I was being tickled. I never knew it was wrong because he always seemed to
twist it and change it into something else.
Things like this happened many times between the ages of 6 to 10. Eventually,
my sister found out and told my mom. She took me to the police station. I told
them everything. They took it into account and I did an interview. When they
explained to me that my case was an assault case, and they explained
what that was, I remember my heart stopping for a second and I realized
everything. After my interview came up, in court, when he was being testified
against, the case was closed due to lack of evidence.
Dan is still out there. The friends I made on the street that I used to live
on tell me that they still see him sometimes smiling at them. This has had
an effect on me. When I am around men in closed places, I have panic attacks.
I start sweating and feeling so uncomfortable. When I wear clothes that
make me feel happy, but my skin might be showing, I get this terrible feeling in
my gut and I feel so disgusting. I wasn't offered counseling until a few months
ago, and when I went, I got flashbacks and had nightmares - and sometimes he was
standing above my bed in them. Now, four years later, I look back and I wish that
I could have been educated at school about it. But this has made me into who I
am today, and I can help others going through a similar situation.
Thank you for listening to my story.