>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY, LOUIS CATO AND
THE LATE SHOW BAND RIGHT THERE. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
INDEFINABLE. TONIGHT, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ALL
ARE FEELING IT, THANKS, EVERYBODY.
I DON'T KNOW IF Y'ALL ARE FEELING IT OVER THERE BUT THERE
IS SOMETHING INDEFINABLE ABOUT TONIGHT'S AUDIENCE THERE IS A
CERTAIN ELECTRICITY TONIGHT THAT-- WE ARE ALWAYS GRATEFUL
FOR THE AUDIENCE BUT I AM, I COULD HOOKUP JUMPER CABLES TO
YOU PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> FEELS GOOD. >> Jon: WE GOT COMING UP HERE
IN JUST A LITTLE BIT, OSCAR WINNER EDDIE REDMAYNE, THAT'S
ALL. THE NEW MOVIE, THE GOOD NURSE.
AND THEN JUST MY OLD BUDDY GEORGE R.R. MARTIN OUT HERE TO
TALK ABOUT HOUSE. DRAGON, RISE OF THE DRAGON H SAY
DRAGON. I'M GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT ELDON
RING, ANYBODY PLAY ELDON RING OUT THERE, YEAH, BABY, HE WROTE
THES COULD MOLG IN THE BACKGROUND FOR THAT WE WILL TALK
ABOUT THAT TOO HE SAID. FOLKS, I AM CONSTANTLY ASTOUNDED
BY THE SUPER RICH. TAKE JEFF BEZOS.
HE IS NOW SO RICH-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- HE BOUGHT A YACHT SO BIG,
IT CAME WITH ANOTHER YACHT! HIS YACHT HAS AN EMOTIONAL
SUPPORT YACHT! HE ORDERS HIS YACHTS WITH A SIDE
OF YACHT. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT JUST SINCE
THE PANDEMIC STARTED, "U.S. BILLIONAIRES SAW THEIR WEALTH
SURGE BY 62%, OR $1.8 TRILLION." WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY, THEY
COULD LITERALLY BUILD THEMSELVES A DEATH STAR.
WITH, OF COURSE, A LITTLE SUPPORT DEATH STAR.
AND I LIKE TO KEEP YOU UP TO SPEED ON ALL THE UBER-WEALTHY'S
LATEST UBER-DOINGS, IN MY NEW SEGMENT...
"RICH, PLEASE!" >> SEE YOU AT THE REVOLUTION!
>> Stephen: THANKS, CASHY! BUT AS DIFFERENTLY AS THE RICH
LIVE FROM THE REST OF US NOW, IT SEEMS THAT IN THE FUTURE, THEY
WANT TO LIVE EVEN MORE DIFFERENTLY-ER.
FOR INSTANCE, THEY WANT TO LIVE. EVIDENCE OF THIS WAS REVEALED IN
AN ARTICLE IN THE "GUARDIAN" BY TECH AUTHOR DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF.
RUSHKOFF WAS SUMMONED TO A PRIVATE DESERT COMPOUND WHERE HE
THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO GIVE A SPEECH, BUT INSTEAD WAS MET BY
"FIVE SUPER-WEALTHY GUYS-- YES, ALL MEN-- FROM THE UPPER ECHELON
OF THE TECH INVESTING AND HEDGE-FUND WORLD."
OR, AS THAT GROUP IS TECHNICALLY CALLED, "A DOUCHE OF BROS."
BUT THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR SOME STUPID SPEECH.
INSTEAD, THEY IMMEDIATELY STARTED GRILLING RUSHKOFF ON HOW
TO PREPARE FOR "SOCIAL UNREST, A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION, A SOLAR
STORM, OR AN UNSTOPPABLE VIRUS," ASKING, "HOW LONG SHOULD ONE
PLAN TO BE ABLE TO SURVIVE WITH NO OUTSIDE HELP?
AND SHOULD A SHELTER HAVE ITS OWN AIR SUPPLY?"
I CAN ANSWER THAT ONE! NO.
YOU WILL NOT NEED AIR OR WATER. JUST GO ON DOWN THERE AND WELD
THE DOOR SHUT. WE'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S
SAFE TO COME OUT. HERE'S THE DEAL.
APPARENTLY, RICH PEOPLE ARE SEEING THE GROWING SOCIAL UNREST
THAT THEY'RE HELPING CREATE, TAKING A HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AND ASKING, "HOW CAN I IGNORE ALL THAT AND KEEP MY STUFF?"
"THE C.E.O. OF A BROKERAGE HOUSE EXPLAINED THAT HE HAD NEARLY
COMPLETED BUILDING HIS OWN UNDERGROUND BUNKER SYSTEM," AND
ALREADY "SECURED A DOZEN NAVY SEALS TO MAKE THEIR WAY TO HIS
COMPOUND, IF HE GAVE THEM THE RIGHT CUE."
THAT CUE? (BIRD CALL)
"MONEEEEY! MONEEEEY!
CUH-CASH! CUH-CASH!"
ONE BILLIONAIRE STILL HAD CONCERNS, AND ASKED, "HOW
DO I MAINTAIN AUTHORITY OVER MY SECURITY FORCE AFTER
'THE EVENT'?" "THE EVENT?"
NOT SURE IF HE'S DESCRIBING ARMAGEDDON OR "TOYOTATHON."
WE ALL KNOW MAINTAINING AUTHORITY OVER YOUR MERCENARY
STRIKE FORCE IS TRICKY, AND THE BILLIONAIRE WORRIED, "HOW WOULD
HE PAY THE GUARDS ONCE EVEN HIS CRYPTO WAS WORTHLESS?"
SO... NOW?
ADDING, "AND WHAT WOULD STOP THE GUARDS FROM EVENTUALLY CHOOSING
THEIR OWN LEADER?" OH, DON'T WORRY.
ONCE ALL YOUR MONEY'S GONE, I'M SURE YOUR ARMED GOONS WILL HONOR
JUST AS HIGH A MORAL CODE AS YOU HEDGE FUND MANAGERS DO.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BUT THEY DO HAVE A PLAN.
"THE BILLIONAIRES CONSIDERED USING SPECIAL COMBINATION LOCKS
ON THE FOOD SUPPLY THAT ONLY THEY KNEW."
IT'S FOOLPROOF! UNLESS...
I MEAN, THERE'S NO WAY FOR EX-NAVY SEALS TO GET INFORMATION
OUT OF YOU. YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON BRINGING
YOUR KNEECAPS TO THE BUNKER, RIGHT?
NOT TO WORRY, THE BILLIONAIRES SWER IN'S SMART, OKAY, THEY
DIDN'T GET THAT MONEY BY BEING DISUM.
THEY THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. ONE RICHIE RICH HAD THE IDEA TO
"MAKE GUARDS WEAR DISCIPLINARY COLLARS OF SOME KIND IN RETURN
FOR THEIR SURVIVAL." THAT IS SURE TO INSPIRE LOYALTY.
"DO WHAT I SAY, OR YOUR SKULL GOES JIFFY POP.
IF YOU SURVIVE TILL FRIDAY, WE'LL HAVE A PIZZA PARTY.
FRIENDSIES?" IF MAKING THEIR NECKS RIDE THE
LIGHTNING WON'T WIN OVER THEIR SERVANTS, THE BILLIONAIRES ARE
CONSIDERING "BUILDING ROBOTS TO SERVE AS GUARDS AND WORKERS- IF
IF THAT TECHNOLOGY COULD BE
DEVELOPED 'IN TIME'." OF COURSE!
WHO EVER HEARD OF A ROBOT UPRISING?
THEY JUST WANT TO MAKE US HAPPY. WE ALL REMEMBER THAT
HEARTWARMING SCHWARZENEGGER MOVIE.
>> I'LL BE BACK... WITH YOUR CHEESE PLATE.
>> Stephen: AND I'LL BE RIGHT